Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

40th Birthday Party

16 replies

Handsupbabyhandsup · 09/12/2014 02:51

I invited an acquaintance to my 40th birthday party who responded by text and Facebook saying her and her husband were coming. The pretty small party happened and they didn't turn up.

Over 2 weeks have gone past with no contact from her. So I messaged explaining that I was upset and that I was upset not because they didn't come but because they didn't bother to send a quick reason. The reply I got back said - they were sorry they were unable to get to the party (no reason given apart from - these things happen), that they didn't mean any disrespect and that she was unsure why I'd feel upset that they hadn't bothered to contact me.

AIBU to be upset over this. I find it really rude that you would accept an invitation and then not bother to explain your absence. But I'm hoping that others don't see it that way so I can move on quicker - I can't totally avoid these people.

OP posts:
sunflower49 · 09/12/2014 03:38

YANBU, that is bloody rude IMO.

Charitybelle · 09/12/2014 03:43

Yep, they were being rude. Unfortunately it seems quite common now for people not to RSVP to things, or to RSVP and then change their minds if something better comes along and not let the original hosts know. It's not seen as particularly rude anymore by a lot of people I know, but IMO it's incredibly disrespectful.

I see you say you can't avoid these people. Maybe don't cut them off, but certainly I would make no more effort with them personally. I would not be extending any more invitations in future. If it was a small do, sounds like it was a privilege to be invited. One that they obviously didn't appreciate...

BikeRunSki · 09/12/2014 03:51

It was rude of them not to tell you they weren't coming, but I don't think they need to explain why. In a similar situation once, years later the non-attending guest told us she'd had a miscarriage that night. At the time no one really knew she was pg, clearly not something she wanted to talk about. Maybe something more important and aensitive happened to your non-attending guest?

Wonc · 09/12/2014 04:28

Yanbu. Something similar recently happened to me. It's rude. It takes about 10 seconds to send a text.

Littleturkish · 09/12/2014 06:06

YANBU never invite them to anything again.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 09/12/2014 06:27

Perhaps there is something personal going on that they don't wish to share.

In therory it's easy to send a quick text but you don't know what may have been going on.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 09/12/2014 08:22

They didn't have to give you a reason for not turning up as it might be something they just don't want to tell you but they could've at least let you know they weren't going to be there after all. It's really not that difficult to do and it would piss me off as well.

ladymariner · 09/12/2014 08:25

YANBU. A text takes seconds to send, just very bad manners not to let you know.

Vinomcstephens · 09/12/2014 09:39

YANBU! I had this - at my wedding! A couple just didn't turn up despite having RSVP'd that they were and telling me 2 weeks before how they were looking forward to it. I did fall out with then after I'm afraid - if they couldn't make it that's fine, it was an invite not a royal command, but not to tell me?? So rude.

But I then got over myself and we're mates once more but I don't think I'll ever quite forget how rude they were...

Tinkerball · 09/12/2014 09:44

Yanbu, very rude. And even if they couldn't text on the night itself they've had 2 weeks to do so and now don't see the issue.

TiggerLillies · 09/12/2014 09:55

Yanbu! I was upset by ppl that bailed out of my wedding and that was with prior warning, though in two cases - no reason. I'd much prefer that someone tell me a white lie if they don't want to share the real reason. But then I'm weird like that!

Beanie99 · 09/12/2014 10:30

YANBU. I was invited to a 40th birthday party a few years ago, along with 2 other friends both of whom confirmed to the host that they would be attending. The night before, one of them decided she couldn't be bothered to go and announced that friend 2 wasn't going either, neither of them told the birthday girl. At the actual party it was me who faced the questions from the host, 'Where are XX and XX?' and had to decide whether to tell the truth or make up some crap excuse on their behalf. So I think if they don't come, fair enough but they should have at least let you know.

catsmother · 09/12/2014 10:39

Agree it's very rude.

There may well have been something personal going on, but, like Tigger, I think a quick white lie about an innocuous complaint like D&V for example is preferable to saying nothing at all.

Although it may be a fib, the fact that someone goes to the effort of making contact at all, and expresses regret at not being able to attend, is the important bit ... it shows the host is being thought of (which might be pertinent e.g. at a sit down meal where seating needs to be shuffled about, or where serving food would otherwise be delayed awaiting the non-show guests) and, IMO, is also about acknowledging that the invitation is appreciated.

It's a cliché but 'manners cost nothing' - and now you have an awkward situation going forward which could have easily been avoided had they been more polite.

Fallingovercliffs · 09/12/2014 11:19

YANBU. Even if it's something private they don't want to share they should at least have contacted you, apologised for not turning up and given some kind of plausible reason.

Original poster
Handsupbabyhandsup · 09/12/2014 17:53

Thanks for all your replies. I thought maybe I was being unreasonable as she really doesn't understand why I'm upset! And going forward it's the last time I'll offer an invites

OP posts:
CocobearSqueeze · 09/12/2014 18:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread