AIBU? Sorry...it's yet another MIL thread :(

[StillSquirrelling]

I've just had a massive barney with DH about MIL. She had just phoned and said that she wanted to come up and see the kids for Christmas. SIL (her daughter) and her family are coming up our way on New Year's Day to see BIL's mum (who lives in the same town as us, rather randomly). She lives 2.5 hours drive from us.

Whilst she was on the phone...

DH: it's OK if MIL comes up over New Year, for two or three nights, isn't it?
Me: But are coming over new year.
DH: Well I'm sure we can squeeze her in somewhere
Me: (I have IBD and am currently in a rather bad flare) But what about all the people using the toilets?
DH: It'll be fine

Back story: MIL very obviously favours her daughter and other son, as well as their children. DH is treated like the poor relation, as are our children - this despite the fact that he's always the one she turns to when she needs help with stuff.
She never makes the effort to come and see us because 'it's too far,' despite the fact that when SIL and family were living abroad, she'd go and visit them all the time. I mentioned this to DH and he said oh but she's getting old and frail now so doesn't want to drive this far and it's a long way on the train - this doesn't stop her gallivanting all over the fucking globe 10 times a year though, long and short haul.
SIL was also recently given a very expensive plot of land at the bottom of MIL's garden - this still hasn't been sorted out in the deeds either. DH and BIL have been given nothing. MIL also treats the grandchildren completely differently. She lavishes gifts and treats on the other three and barely bothers with ours.
She hasn't been to see us here since last Christmas and last time she was here she criticised my parenting - my DS, who was 2 at the time, is rather boisterous and energetic - saying that when she had three young kids, THEY never behaved like mine. I was absolutely furious! She had a bloody servant looking after her kids most of the time (in quarters in Singapore) and we are always being praised for the manners and behaviour of all three of our kids when we are out and about.

So, AIBU to not want to have my MIL up here whilst we already have guests? She's far too busy to come beforehand apparently. He's adamant that she has to come then - we accede to her wishes even though it's going to be massively inconvenient for me - I, of course, will be the one doing all the sleeping arrangements sorting out, and cleaning up etc. All this whilst also struggling with my health issues.

DH is making me feel as though I am being massively U. Am I?

I don't think it's as easy as the OP just saying no. If this thread was switched around and the OP was wanting her mother to say and it Was the DH who was refusing to let her, I'm sure there would be cries that he was being a controlling bastard.

Marriages are about discussion and compromise. I'm not saying the OP is wrong at all as the MIL sounds awful but simply refusing to entertain the idea that the MiL can stay might not be the best idea.

I love my mil but if I had arrange for friends to stay I wouldn't want her there as well, changed the whole dynamic.
Say no

It may be viewed differently if it was switched round but its so often the woman who is expected to cook, clean and entertain the guests.

Can't she come up for Christmas the week before on actual Christmas not new year to see the kids? If not tell her the dates she has planned are not convenient and she can come the week after as you have a house free then. X

OP tell your DH that if MIL comes to stay, he gets to do the bed-making, associated cleaning, entertaining, etc as you will be busy with your other guests.

It sounds to me like he's expecting you to sort everything out and if he doesn't really want his mum there, he can't be gallivanting off to escape while leaving it all on you.

She's already said that she can't come at Christmas - I had actually invited her earlier in the year but she said she didn't know what she'd be up to. She's naturally decided to spend it with beloved daughter now of course. She can't come the week after as the kids are going back to school and it will be really inconvenient for us (even more so). Why she can't come up next week I really don't know, or even the period between Christmas and new year.
To be fair, MIL does pitch in with the cooking when she comes - and often brings a joint of lamb with her despite the fact we slaughter our own lambs and so have plenty in the freezer . She, and all her clothes stink of fags though so it does make the house smell. She was a bit miffed last time she came as I asked her not to hang her coat with ours because it was making ours - including the kids' - smell of smoke. She doesn't smoke in the house - I'd never allow that. She does like to faff around in the kitchen though - moving stuff about and leaving stuff all over the worktops, which I really hate. Having said that, the friends who are coming also do that so it wouldn't be much different.
DH has now agreed that if she comes up she can come late on NYDay, leave early in the morning to go to SIL's MIL's house for the day, and then return in the evening, once our friends have left from their visit, and stay for another two nights. So she'll only cross over for one night now, which will hopefully not affect us too much.