to be utterly fed up with my mothers "illnesses"?

[Bogeyface]

She currently has a cold. A bad cold, a real stinker. I know this because I had it a couple of weeks ago and passed it on to her. Except that she has taken to the sofa and has "flu", that is fact.

I posted on here when I had a bad turn just after I shook off the cold asking if I was coming down with flu. It was a weird feeling, like nothing I have had before and never having had flu I wondered if that was the start of it. It wasnt and I appreciated the info.

From what I was told, if I had flu I would not have been lying on the sofa, holding a conversation, having a go at someone else for forgetting something and also telling that person to not forget to check the lamb that was cooking for dinner. I was told I wouldnt want dinner. This is what my mother was doing today with her "flu".

She never has a headache, she takes to her bed with migraines. I didnt question this until I got genuine migraines (thought I was having a stroke it was diagnosed as migraine by A&E, it was very frightening). She has headaches, no other symptoms and suggested I was attention seeking when I described my aura, the sickness, the palsy in my left arm etc as she never gets that with her "migraines" just the headache. Oh and you dont get migraines without headaches according to her.

She had a lump in her neck. She spent ages ringing me and my sister telling us the worst, except it turned out that she hadnt even seen the doctor yet, it turned out to be benign.

She is like this about EVERY illness. She has to get it worse than everyone else, always and had no sympathy when anyone is genuinely ill. When I was lying on the sofa with appendicitis that led to emergency surgery at midnight after it perforated (the surgeon described it as "very squiggy" ) she said "Well the kids wont look after themselves, you will have to just get on with it".

I am sick of it! Today I said "Oh yes, it is a nasty cold isnt it? I felt rotten when I had it" and she said "You had a cold but its turned into flu with me" "No mum, if you had flu then I think you would know about it!" and she got in right huff. I wasnt being accusatory but I was sick of her constantly over egging everything.

AIBU to just ignore her "illnesses" from now on? How do you handle someone who geniunely does get Man Flu?!

Migraines are evil and I wish anyone who calls them 'just a headache' or claims their dehydration headache is a migraine to experience a full blown attack like the ones I have. Just once. I'm not evil I wouldn't wish chronic migraine on anyone. But just so they have a comparison

my mother is exactly the same, its tedious. She doesn't have headaches, only migraines. Doesn't get colds, only flu. She is never sick (from eating crap), she's "violently ill". Never in pain, only " excrutiating pain". On the few occasions I've been ill" her response is always "oh I've got/had it too, only worse"

it is very tedious and it bugs me but she doesn't really mean anything by it and is never going to change now so I just try and ignore it.

And I'm another with a mother who's a total drama queen! She hurt her back when she fell down the stairs whilst drunk, wouldn't go to the Dr or get a physio appt, refuses to move or do any exercise AND then complains it isn't getting better.

She thinks I'm weak and pathetic because I also suffer migraines.

Insists on smoking around me when she knows I've got asthma then laughs at me when I complain I can't breathe and actually blows smoke in my face.

The absolute worst, however, was when I had part of my leg removed and, even now, on occasion I get pain - strangely enough, she tends of often have pains in her legs.....

I could go on!!!

I thought it was just my mum, seems to be there are a lot of annoying mums like this

Do you all have my mother?! Feel so sorry for the poster whose mum has had a brain hemorrage though. I sometimes worry that because my mum always has a health crisis going on I won't be appropriately responsive when something serious happens to her . I really empathise with you OP, my mum takes to the sofa constantly but if a party is mentioned she gets up quickly! She also likes me to ring her friends and let them know how ill she is. Have stopped doing this now...

What would happen if you 'overreacted'. OMG, that's really serious, I hear that can be dangerous, have you seen your GP yet?
Or something to that effect?

If she had flu she'd know about it. As po said it is different from the cold but my cold caused mine I believe. I had a heavy girrid cold then got tonsillitis then that turned into a heat infection then I ended up with flu. I think I sas so run down I was more susceptible. I was so ill and nhs 24 made me drive to out of hours as they refused to send out the Dr. I had to get a taxi in the end to he told I had flu and a chest infection. I started to recover and picked up fucking norovirus, I was ill for pretty much a full month from start to finish :(
Just ignore her and like pp said be non-committal.

I need to review before I post

FIL was a bit dramatic about his illnesses as well a few years ago. Every couple of weeks it was "I think I may be dying". One time he called saying he couldn't breath and we needed to come over right away because he was scared. Finally called him on and told him that if he was really dying he'd be calling an ambulance and not us.

Then he got seriously ill for real, where he was in and out of surgeries (American surgeries, like under the knife, not an office) to drain liquid from his lungs and repair his heart. Got better, and hasn't been melodramatic since. Still complains about the odd ache and pain, but generally is in much better spirits than his old gloom and doom.

Anyway, your mom sounds exhausting. I'd just ignore and tell her if she has a sniffle the flu, you'll leave her alone to rest and get better. You wouldn't want to catch it after all.

My sister gets migraines and headaches all the time. She has to spend days in bed but told me the other day she hasn't had a day off sick from work for years. I was surprised as her main conversation is how ill she is. She mainlines paracetamol. Her DD gets migraines too. Except I have been in a restaurant with them and the DD has announced "I am getting a migraine, I'm not hungry" taken a few pills ostentatiously and then I noticed that she had eaten as much as me. DD now has a DD of her own. We were out on a picnic and the lovely little DGD was full of beans. They didn't mention she was unwell and believe me they would. I noticed in their picnic bag was a bottle of calpol. Start as you mean to go on, eh?

You could buy her the book Migraine by Oliver Sacks for Christmas. It's a really entertaining read about the condition, written by the well known neurologist, but will also make it abundantly clear to her that she doesn't have them . Might be interesting for you too?

My DM's like this. She eventually had to leave work because of the amount of time taken off for colds and earaches and oo-my-little-toe's-a-bit-sore. The thing with her though is she has the big one - lymphona, been in remission for over 20 years, thank god, scans every 6 months - so it's partly a lowered immunity thing (though not everything she complains about is viral, she's got a sore wrist she's been wanging on about for 6 months, had x rays, everything, I think because she's convinced herself it's broken she's holding it funny which makes it sore) but also I guess maybe some attention seeking/anxiety displacement, because she never mentions the lymphona.

I love her though. She'll never change. And I'm very glad she's still here, so I try to indulge her to her face and laugh it off with DB in private...

Its dreadful as I feel really bad because I didn't take her seriously as she said everyday she was ill or dying and so when she really was ill I thought she was faking

Db and dsis feel the same and when the drs asked us when any worrying symptoms started we didn't know what to say as can't pinpoint anything really as DM was saying every day she was ill. The night before she told me she was going to have a stroke as something hurt in her head and told db she was going to die. Both of us had sighed and told her not to be silly as we had heard it all before.

Sorry posted too soon my dh did help a lot as I was upset and he said to me "its not your fault and you shouldn't feel guilty, just because your DM is really ill now doesn't suddenly make up for the past and make her some sort of perfect angel so you mustn't feel bad for not being convinced by her when she said she was ill because she said it a lot and you musnt (if she pulls through) let her then take advantage and use this one occasion if real illness as an 'I told you so so never disbelieve me again' situation."

Oh Hedgehog

But you know that it isn't your fault.

She sounds a nightmare. This made me laugh, though:

"She has headaches, no other symptoms and suggested I was attention seeking when I described my aura, the sickness, the palsy in my left arm etc as she never gets that with her "migraines" just the headache."

She needs to know that if she just gets the headache, it's probably not a migraine...

Hedgehog this is exactly why this kind of behaviour is so difficult and exhausting though. You never know when it really is serious. It's not your fault that you didn't know whether to take her seriously – it's hers. Of course that doesn't mean you don't care now, and of course she deserves sympathy, but if she has gone on for years like this you have no option other than to stop ging along with every drama. Don't feel bad.

Goodness and I thought my "ill" mother was a one-off although there has never been anything really wrong with her (despite the many ambulance call outs over my lifetime).

Anything I get she has worse. She ignores me when I am really ill (like recuperating after an op) and just sits back and waits (sometimes for months) until I am fit enough to visit her again. Come to think of it she never called me either - always the other way round.

Needless to say after nearly 60 years of her nonsense (she is fit as a flea while I have several chronic conditions) I rarely visit her now as we have nothing to talk about. She doesn't want to hear about my health and I don't believe a word she says about hers.

I have a sister like this.

Every year there's a cancer scare.

Sad thing is I let it wash over me now so if she was really ill I would probably ignore.

Feel your pain op.

My mother is the same!

She's also left work because she was having constant discaplinaries over her absenteeism. She took the piss; it's hard to feel sympathy. On a few occasions she took a day off because "I was sick at the weekend so I'm owed a sick day "

I was recently diagnosed with a chronic condition. She offered no sympathy, but launched into a list of her ailments.
Someone on a support group I'm on recently died of the disease. She saw me crying about it and said "don't be so silly". :(

I've never seen her happier than when she's hospitalised. Last time for indigestion.

lol uterus mine is the same - always calling ambulances for "heart attack" and usually just panic or indigestion ... lies there all smug for getting a hospital bed grrrr

My mums finest moment was berating me at my hospital bedside when I was in with a suspected brain haemorrhage that Dh had our ds1 to bed with damp hair.
I feel your pain! :)

Wow, she isnt that bad! She gets man-flu (hate that phrase but as it describes what I mean I will have to use it), but she wouldnt call an ambulance. In fact thinking about it, in many ways I think if she was seriously ill she would be a martyr about it. Funny really. I think it is definitely an attention thing because with a minor illness she plays it up to be noticed and with a major one she would play it down to be noticed by how brave she is being.

And YY to the crying wolf. If she ever does get proper flu then I am not sure I will believe her, same with the migraines. What happened to you/your mum hedgehog is exactly what I worry about with her, I hope she makes a full recovery. I agree with your DH, you should not feel any guilt over this.

I see her all the time, buy her flowers at least once a month, we talk on the phone just for the sake of chatting, dad adores her and revolves his whole life around her......I dont get why she needs to lay it on so thick!

My MIL was always "ill". Every conversation was turned around to her latest doctor's appointment or hospital visit. It was the only thing she was ever interested in talking about; that or telling you how her friends and family claimed to be ill but couldn't possibly be as ill as her.

She never got over her anger that her SIL was diagnosed with cancer and received chemo and radiotherapy shortly after she herself was supposed to have cancer which was treated successfully with just surgery. We still don't know for sure if her cancer was real.

The only thing she ever denied having wrong with her was when my DDs were diagnosed with AS and she made it very clear to everyone who would listen that the autism didn't come from her or her family.

After she died we cleared her (typical hoarder's) flat and found thousands of pieces of paper on which she had detailed her illnesses and medication repeatedly, every repeat prescription list and every letter she had ever received from the GP or hospital. It suddenly dawned on me that she indeed did have AS (lots of other aspects of her behaviour fitted very well too) and her obsessive interest was her own health. I even found it mentioned in her reports from school and college.

She was another one who seemed at her happiest in hospital

My mother's favourite phrase is "You know me, I don't like to complain but..." Sometimes I manage a believing nod and sympathetic face, but more often I can feel my eyebrows climbing up to my hairline

In a similar (although fortunately less serious) vein to Hedgehog's story- my mother rang one evening using what we call her 'special voice' (kind of breathy and panicky sounding) saying she was desperately ill (she's always desperately ill, never 'feeling a bit off' or 'a bit poorly) and could I go round. I grumbled my way out of my bath and all the way to hers, only to find her having a real episode which required an ambulance trip to hospital. That was pretty scary.

But, I did say to her afterwards that I didn't realise she was genuinely ill because of all her previous crying wolf incidences, and I think she's been a tiny bit better since. Could you try that, maybe?