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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Siblings at party

47 replies

Margaritte · 07/12/2014 11:23

Posting here for the traffic, though I suppose it is an aibu in a way.

We are having a 'party' for ds today. Not sure if it's relevant, though we are on a very tight budget so party consists of 4 friends from school & DS's cousin. So 6 kids in total. We have bought a party pack from the entertainer with £5 vouchers we have had for a while . I am serving sandwiches, carrot sticks etc. So a tiny gathering really.

Have had a text message saying ' Hi there its mum here. Is it ok if older brother comes to the party to as he hope (ds) is having a good day

Do I say yes? No? I know they have at least 3 dc, so its not a palming them on to me for a few child free hours, if that makes sense?

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 07/12/2014 15:24

She just wanted a free babysitter so she could go shopping or something. Next time be more firm, or tell her how much you charge for babysitting.

MoreBonkersThanBonkers · 07/12/2014 15:25

Bah, so many typos....hope you can get the gist.

SaucyJack · 07/12/2014 15:26

I'm feeling murderous on your behalf.

Who the fuck exactly do these people think they are?

munchkin2902 · 07/12/2014 15:26

God, what a cheek. I hope I would have just said to her face that he couldn't stay as he wasn't invited. But I probably would have done the same as you OP!

neolara · 07/12/2014 15:32

Bloody cheek! If that was me, I probably wouldn't invite the younger sibling next year to avoid it happening again.

Original poster

Margaritte · 07/12/2014 15:34

I know I probably should have stood my ground. I did text saying about it, then when he turned up still wanting to come, I felt like a bit awful really. I know his mum should not of told him in the first place he could come, however it wasn't his fault & I could feel it all turning a bit awkward for him so I just let him & then got him into how he could be my helper etc once his mum had gone, so he felt involved.

I think I felt sad for him that his parents were quite happy to leave him sitting on a strangers sofa whilst other children were having fun. Of course, we got him involved/ fed him/ chatted to him etc. Just she didn't know that.

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 07/12/2014 15:37

At £10 an hour, you could have earned, what, twenty or thirty quid OP?

Scholes34 · 07/12/2014 15:37

Some people are just like that. Once spotted, best avoided.

macdoodle · 07/12/2014 15:38

What is wrong with people!
My DD2 will be 7 just after xmas. Its a painful time to have a birthday party. She is horse mad. So this year we have splurged and gone for horseriding, but because it is so very expensive (£33/child with food), we are just having 4 (DD and 3 friends).
I asked them before I booked, because its this time of year, and because I have to pay up front.
One of the mothers, text to ask if older sib could come as well, they are only a year apart and she is one school year above, but DD is NOT friends with the older sib at all (I asked her, and she said older sib was mean to them!)
I said, sorry no, as I have only paid for 4, and its pretty expensive. She text back to say, oh well then X probably wont be able to come, because its not fair on "older sib" to be left out"
Am tempted to say, oh well thats a shame then, and just invite someone else.
Have just ignored for now because am so shocked.

diddl · 07/12/2014 15:40

No, it wasn't his fault, which is why she did it that way.

Hard to let kids down isn't it, especially when they are there in front of you.

"But I already told your mum that you couldn't come"

KenDoddsDadsDog · 07/12/2014 15:40

Had DDs party yesterday and a few siblings turned up. It was a party games thing with disco and food. I I did feed them and luckily had spare party bags or would have felt bad otherwise. The parents weren't expecting it though .

Fairenuff · 07/12/2014 15:41

macdoodle I think you should do that, text to say that you fully understand and will cancel the younger child's place. These people need to have their bluff called to make them think twice about doing it again.

diddl · 07/12/2014 15:43

Good idea Faire

As long as the mother doesn't then pay for her older daughter herself & then leave her for OP to look after!!

Fairenuff · 07/12/2014 15:44

I don't think you can do that with a horse riding group diddl, you're either with the party or not.

owlbegoing · 07/12/2014 15:45

mac I'd be tempted to text her back saying that's a shame that DD's friend has to miss out because of her older sister but maybe next year she will be allowed to come

Bunbaker · 07/12/2014 15:50

I am speechless at some parents' sense of entitlement. Luckily I never had this with DD's parties when she was little. She had her 5th and 6th birthdays at soft play, and parents who brought siblings because of childcare issues just paid them in and bought their food themselves.

Only the party children went into the party room for food and only the party children got party bags. I never felt in the least bit guilt tripped into giving party bags to siblings because I made enough just for the invited children.

LegoAdventCalendar · 07/12/2014 15:54

Now you know: this woman is a pisstaking cheeky mare. Be on your guard, as you have allowed her to pisstake, she may in the future try it on. You need to be very clear and firm with such people from the get go. NO.

chocoluvva · 07/12/2014 15:59

I am at this thread. Why should a sibling expect to go unless they're very good family friends? And even then....

I'd have been the same as you OP - I'd have let him stay and been kind too.

It's ridiculous to think that a sibling should tag along too though - what if they're from a big family and all four of them expected to go too? And the party will be aimed at one particular age group....

I suppose a 'compromise' would be to save a slice of cake for a sibling.

Nancy66 · 07/12/2014 16:21

cheeky old cow. she's just one of those women who dumps her kids on people. thing is her kids will suffer in the long term because they will stop getting invited.

there's a mum at my son's school who has form for not turning up to collect her kids from parties until hours later. She did it to us. Now her lad doesn't get asked.

TeddyBee · 07/12/2014 16:24

How old were the party children? My DD can't be trusted at all at parties on her own (she's a tricky five year old) so unless both of us are free, we often ask if we can bring the three year old as well. But we always pay at soft play and make it clear that it's totally fine if not, and either we pay for a childminder or we regretfully decline and send a card. We absolutely don't go to parties in houses with DS in tow, it's just not fair on DD or the party people. I cannot understand how anyone could turn up with another sibling in tow and then just dump them both and run? Did she not die of shame?

dustarr73 · 07/12/2014 17:08

Well op you know who not to ask next year.I dont think that these people think ahead.And they wonder why in a few years their kids dont get invited anywhere.

bellbottomedtear · 07/12/2014 18:31

On the occasion I take my son and have to stay and have my daughter with me I make sure she stays next to me she takes a book to read and only if it is said by the host she can join in then I ask her if she would like to
She is 9 and understands that it isn't her friends party therefore does not expect anything. It annoys me when parents let siblings get involved eat etc without asking or text email to see if they can attend

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