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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To. Not give dd all the money

29 replies

Wecouldbe · 06/12/2014 18:06

Dd gets dla paid to me. She is asking that I give her all the money every month. I want to give her some but not a large ammount of it.

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 06/12/2014 18:07

How old is she?

Original poster
Wecouldbe · 06/12/2014 18:07

She's 18.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wecouldbe · 06/12/2014 18:08

I also get child benfit and tax credit for her as she's still in edcation.

OP posts:
LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 06/12/2014 18:09

It's to pay for additional expenses, like taxi's, that she wouldn't need if she wasn't disabled and at 18 she should be able to sort these herself. Is there any reason why she shouldn't have her DLA?

Vitalstatistix · 06/12/2014 18:09

How old is she?

DLA is her money but it is given for the benefit of the person to go some way to cover the additional costs of the disability. It would not be unreasonable to use some for expenses that are as a result of her disability.

My children's dla goes towards replacing things they destroy, and covers costs of supported trips etc. It's not for their spending money. They get that of course, but dla funds things related to their care.

Vitalstatistix · 06/12/2014 18:10

xpost.

When will it be switched over to being paid directly to her?

BackforGood · 06/12/2014 18:14

Agree with Vital - surely it's there to cover costs that she/you as a family wouldn't have, if she didn't have her disability. So if that means a taxi rather than walking, then it should go to whoever is paying for the taxi. If that means lots of extra washing or more heating been on, then it should go to whoever pays the heating bills, and so forth. It's not really pocket money, but it depends on what she is expected to pay for.

Original poster
Wecouldbe · 06/12/2014 18:14

She signed it over to me at sixteen. she has a taxi to and from school so doesn't really need money for transport. She would just be buying things that she wants.

OP posts:
Stripylikeatiger · 06/12/2014 18:18

What do you spend the money on?

LineRunner · 06/12/2014 18:21

So you want to help her with a budget?

What are your thoughts about this.

It is her money, you know that. She can decide to 'sign it back' to herself.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 06/12/2014 18:23

I use ds's to pay for the tram up the hill to the school as he can't walk that far, also for his shoes, the podiatrist and his laptop (he has weak ligaments in his feet, ankles and wrists and they become painful). It's for disability related costs which wouldn't be incurred if he wasn't disabled. He's more than able to pay for these himself if the DLA went into his account but he's asked me to take care of these. You need to look at what additional costs your DD has because of her disability and see if she's able to pay for these herself using her own DLA. If she understands what she needs and won't flitter it away on something daft then she should have her own money.

PortofinoVino · 06/12/2014 18:24

At 18 I gave my son half of his DLA for himself. He was going to day College so needed funds for food, etc. He also started buying his own clothes.

sockmatcher · 06/12/2014 18:25

Are you her official appointee? Why is your daughter deemed unable to deal with her own finances?

DaisyFlowerChain · 06/12/2014 18:25

At 18 she is an adult so if she wants the payments to go to her that's a very reasonable request.

sockmatcher · 06/12/2014 18:28

No really daisy. Depends on why an appointee was necessary

sockmatcher · 06/12/2014 18:28

*not

Chippednailvarnish · 06/12/2014 18:30

Depends on the nature of her disability IMO...

Chunderella · 06/12/2014 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 06/12/2014 18:45

We need more information here, wecould Smile

Shockers · 06/12/2014 18:48

You know your DD best. Our DD could not manage a budget as she still thinks the biggest coins are the best and would happily swap a £1 coin for a 2p for that reason.

She's 16.

Her DLA pays for swimming and riding lessons, theatre trips (she loves the theatre!) and all the stuff a 16 yr old would buy with wages from a Saturday job... as she can't go out and get a job like her younger brother has (he washes up in a local restaurant one night a week and has a paper round). She does jobs round the house, like the recycling so that she feels like she's earnt her money too. We go shopping together ( she can't go out alone) and she buys clothes, CDs and books. It gives her some of the kind of life she might have had without her SLD.

I feel funny about it being her money, but it has no value to her. This way she gets the benefit.

Only you know how the money would best be used. If you think she could handle it, why not give her part to do with as she wants and save the remainder in an account in her name?

Babiecakes11 · 06/12/2014 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineRunner · 06/12/2014 19:22

I think if she had the capacity to sign it over, she probably will be deemed to have the capacity to sign it back.

Good ideas above about jointly managing it.

pinkyredrose · 06/12/2014 19:25

You should give her the DLA . If you need more you should claim the carers allowance.

LegoAdventCalendar · 06/12/2014 19:41

Depends on the nature of the disability.

Dawndonnaagain · 06/12/2014 19:51

My dds have all of their dla handed over. They have to provide for themselves their clothes, their taxis, their social life, their make-up.
I still pay food, bills, glasses etc. I have spent a significant amount of time showing them how to budget and be sensible. It does go to me, becasue that's the way they prefer it, and I fill in the forms with them. I do hand it over though, but only since their 18th birthday. Before that, we did increasing amounts monthly for a couple of years to get tmem used to budgeting. Perhaps if you go through all the pitfalls. However, she can, legitimately, ring DLA and ask to have it going straight into her account.
Dh, different story!

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