to expect if not sympathy at least an acknowledgment

[macdoodle]

Ok am genuinely after opinions here.
I am a GP, I have been in my practice for over 12years, so I know my regulars well, and most of the other patients. I am well liked.
On Thur I started with a horrid cold, sore throat. By Friday my voice was almost gone completely and I sounds horrible. I soldiered on as fully booked surgeries and down a doctor (unable to recruit) means we are overwhelmed. Luckily I only work half day on Friday.
I saw 16 patients in the morning, made 8 call backs (for results/advice) and did 2 house visits. I reckon less than 25% even commented that I was clearly unwell, and of those most were of the jokey type " you need to see a doctor haha". Would you comment? Express concern?? Some of the patients were chronic diseases, ongoing problems, so not acutely unwell. And those that were unwell, were less so than me. Those that commented with genuine sympathy, were those I know well, or parents who had brought children.
I feel disappointed TBH. I work hard, even when unwell, and would have expected a bit of sympathy TBH. AIBU? Does the doctor not need some sympathy as well :(
COI am feeling very sorry for myself, illness and working single parent do not go well together!

I would have had sympathy for you but I would not really have known what to say. Other than that, I suppose people are not at their best if they need to see a doctor.

If I wasn't poorly myself though I would have said somethig along the lines of "you don't sound very well yourself" in a sympathetic voice. But then, I do buy my GPs a big box of biscuits at Xmas as they are so lovely.

Aww zzzzzz do tell your GP. A patient of mine did that recently and the two of us were near to tears but it meant the world to me.

FWIW I've worked when ill too (being very careful about hand washing and which patients I would have avoided) and it's crap. I think by chronic conditions the OP might mean things more along the hypertension line?

I got some more sympathy than you did though OP but have some and .

I'm sorry to hear you are not well but many people will feel uncomfortable with asking questions or making observations. My consultant who I've known for many years recently lost a significant amount of weight, I didn't comment because that just seems to be crossing boundaries.

Many years ago when I was a student and still seeing the family gp I went to an appointment with him a couple of weeks after his only son had died in very distressing circumstances.

At the end of the apt I said how sorry I was about his son. He actually cried. He said that in the last few days he had been inundated with patients and not one of them had mentioned his son's death.

I was a student nurse at the time and maybe that was the difference...I saw doctors as people. I think a lot of patients find it hard to talk to a doctor as another human being. The role gets in the way.

Anyway...I hope you are feeling a bit better now and I can attest to the beneficial effects of brandy hot toddies and lashings of chocolate.

I know exactly what you mean. Mdh is a dr too and often in your position-no cover and partners not in or giving a shit. Jo public has no idea and some of the responses have been unfair . You can't always win because if you'd gone off sick they'd have plenty of complaints. Take a word from someone 25 years down the line. If you're sick go off and recover. Otherwise you do no one any favours- patients or yourself. The surgery won't fall apart it will still be there standing when you return recovered. Give it a go and be kind to yourself.

seriously? what if someone came in who had some sort of immune deficiency? i wouldn't be happy if someone was sick in any working environment let alone a surgery. you don't get awards for working when you're sick, you just feel resentful. why be a martyr?

secondly, as a professional i wouldn't be expecting clients / patients to give me sympathy. that is not the nature of the relationship.

thirdly, it's shit when you're trying not to let people down. but it's your practice that's letting you down by not having enough cover. please take sick leave when you need it, and look after yourself.

No one is indispensable and this sort of matyrish attitude really pisses me off.

Macdoodle I hope you are feeling much better!

I too would have felt silent sympathy but would probably not have expressed it. I would think you may be fed up of hearing it and also that it might weirdly look a bit patronising and questioning why you are there, IYSWIM.

I'm sure many of your patients felt sympathy for you and appreciated you being there!

well done for soldiering on - think of all those people who'd either have had their appointments cancelled or had to wait longer if you hadn't been able to see them. I'm sure as others have said they just didn't want to waste your time on small talk.

Hope you feel better soon but agree if you are visibly that I'll the best place for you is home in bed. Yes it's inconvenient for others, yes people will probably grumble but the world won't come to an end because a GP has a couple of days off work. You have as much right to a day off in bed as anyone else when you're ill.

I wouldn't have said anything. I'm not one for unnecessary small talk. (Except on here I suppose.) I probably wouldn't say anything even if we were married to each other and living together. I can't see how me saying anything would be beneficial. I'd assume it would be neutral or irritating.

My daughter died in hospital of secondary infection after stem cell transplant for treatment of acute myeloid leukaemia. In her case, the infection that killed her was unavoidable, it migrated from her gut, too, to her lungs.

But I had to police anyone who came into her room, even staff, who were looking less than 100% fit, because even had she lived she would have been severely immuno-compromised for 2 years after (cord blood donor).

Of course, the slightest sniffle and such a paed patient has to go back to the onco unit in those 2 years, but the last thing any such patients need is a HCP who is ill. A cold can easily kill such a person.

So whilst I hope sincerely you are on the mend, I also hope you did not see or visit anyone who was even slightly immuno-compromised.

'Many years ago when I was a student and still seeing the family gp I went to an appointment with him a couple of weeks after his only son had died in very distressing circumstances.'

OMG, rembrandt, that poor man had no business in work so soon after such a bereavement! I'm sure he probably thought it would help him, get back into routine, etc, but if I saw a doctor, or any parent, back in work so soon after losing a child, I'd be the first to say something. Seriously.

How horribly sad.

Surely it was most unwise to visit sick and frail people when you had a heavy cold. I wouldn't have made any comment at all.

Good to see you around, expat!

I think when people see a doctor they automatically assume the doctor is well, a bit like parishioners will automatically assume their priest has more faith, and children expect their teacher to know more than them.

Of course it's not always the case. But GPs/head teachers etc are the kind of people everyone expects to be ok, or have the sense to stay in bed if not.

Sorry to hear that you are ill. I am also feeling dreadful with a cold/ sore throat and have been grumpy today and I didn't have to work this week.. Sympathy from me OP

I wouldn't have commented either - but would have felt sympathetic. It's not the place to comment really and it would seem rude to notice in that context.

When I work I hate it if people comment on my health - especially clients as it somehow makes it seem as if they are not getting "value for money" if I am not 100% so if someone does comment I always play it down and say I'm fine.

I didn't mean to sound harsh there.

Personally, I like to think I would have asked, and cared.
But I also work in a 'caring' profession and would never, ever imagine in a million years that any of my clients who are often distressed about their own difficulties when they see me would be able to put that aside to ask, or care. Its just not the time for them to be able to do it.

Really hope you feel better soon- also don't work when your ill

wow didnt expect so many or such mixed comments.
Umm if one of us took a few days off every time we had a cough or a cold, our waits for routine appts wouldn't be 3-4 weeks, they'd be 3-4 months, and trust me we get plenty of complaints already.
I am not being a martyr at all, I was NOT ill enough to be in bed or even at home really. I felt a bit rough, with a very sore throat and hoarse voice. Not a reason to be off work IMO. And really cancelling surgeries would be a real headache, with 2 weeks of bank holidays and extra emergencies coming, we have no appts to rebook them until at least January! I wonder how many of those telling me to not be a martyr, or infect others, would be moaning if their appts were cancelled last minute!
So, thanks for the sympathy, really I was just curious about how the majority didnt even comment. If my hairdresser/accountant/cleaner etc, had a hoarse voice and a cold, I would most definitely say a brief "you sound awful, hope you're ok".
From the comments it seems a mixed reason why not......
(1) Some people really dont give a shit do they, they really only care/see themselves, and really dont care about anyone else
(2) Some people, for some reason dont realise doctors are people and get ill, have feelings, and families, and a little human touch goes a long way
(3) Some people feel intimated or nervous about being normal with their doctor, ok I get this one.

I am a doctor and a professional, I wouldnt have seen anyone I might have put at risk, but really coming to our surgery mid winter and sitting in the waiting room will put you at way more risk than my cold and sore throat.
When I said chronic disease, I meant diabetic, heart disease, depression patients, my regular follow ups who will already have waited weeks to see me specifically. The home visits were unavoidable, elderly patients in bed with chest infection (or similar). I wouldnt have gone to say a cancer patient having chemo, and frankly find the implications that I would insulting.

And maybe you lot here would be understanding, but trust me the majority of patients are not. When one of our partners' parent died suddenly, we had more complaints than condolences. And when the receptionists explained we only had 1/2 doctors in that day and why and could it possibly wait at least until tomorrow (while we desperately tried to find locum cover at astronomical cost), the vast majority again said no.

So for those who find my attitude annoying and pissy, and dont want me as their doctor, well I am sure I wouldnt want you as a patient either.

After a day of not doing much and a very very bored 6yr old DD, I am feeling a bit better, and will hopefully be back to work on monday with annoying anyone too much

OP - I agree some people were insulting to assume that you were putting patients "at risk" - but not all. Many said that they wouldn't comment for professional reasons - not because they didn't see doctors as people or felt intimidated.

I agree about having a responsibility to work and people don't understand the pressure when you are the front line. ( I am self-employed so it is me or no-one).

Would you comment on your hairdresser's weight loss, (if he/she didn't mention it first)? Or the headdmaster's' new haircut? Some things feel too personal in a professional relationship - that's all.

Hope you feel better soon

I am understanding, I have close friends who are HCPs - nurses, aux nurse, midwives, GPs, consultants, professors. All people.

As long as no one who was immuno-compromised was present (and again, i know from experience my child, had she lived, would not have seen a GP until after she had had all her jabs again and been 2 years post-transplant and even then, the first port of call was the onco unit and her consultant for 5 years), I still would have asked. But I am also foreign and known to be more forward than some here.

I hope you are feeling better too, but I think deep down you know that you shouldn't have been working, and especially in a job that needs you to be totally on the ball at all times and where you could be coming into contact with those for whom an infection could result in serious consequences.

I totally understand the reasons why you chose to work when you were obviously unwell but I think you were misguided to do so - none of us are indispensable even medics.

Had I walked into your consulting room I am sorry to say that my overriding thought would have been what a daft bat you were to be working in that state. That said I am not altogether Mrs Nasty and depending on how the consultation had gone I would have probably made a sympathetic comment or two.

As a matter of interest what advice about work would you give a patient who was suffering with the same symptoms as you?. If it would be to take a couple of days off then you should do the same. Your own health and wellbeing is no less important than theirs.

I'm sure you'd not have seen anyone immuno-compromised, again because I know what the protocol would have been had my daughter lived. And her own GPs were incredible, she would have been in very great chance of death of sepsis the weekend she was diagnosed (very rural area) had her GP not insisted on sending her to paed hospital.

But it is pathetic a person has to work like this when she is ill.