Never posted before so hope I'm following correct conventions... Been looking at various MIL posts - of which there are LOTS! - but would value any advice/thoughts about my situation...
Had OK/good relationships with all DPs relatives prior to arrival of DS but have struggled with MIL since (2+ years). Prior to arrival of DS we would see his family (all live locally, 20 mins max in car) round whatever we were doing - perhaps a meal at theirs or at a pub once every few weeks or once in a couple of months. DPs parents divorced when he was little so it has been normal for us - since DS arrived - to see his mum and stepdad every Sat and his dad and his partner every Sun. This has always been a bit much for me but I went along with it for DPs sake. When I did try to broach subject once that I'd prefer a bit more "us" time at weekends DP got fairly shirty. I don't object to spending time with them, I just don't want to spend so much time with them. My main issue is with my MIL and SFIL - they phone up and invite themselves over and pop over uninvited. Not every day or even week but enough for me to dread phone ringing/someone knocking on the door. When I've tried telling DP how I feel he says "well we weren't doing anything". Current situation is that DP and I have had a very rocky time since DS arrived - I was diagnosed with PND (have had several bouts of depression over years prior to this) but stopped taking my anti-depressants within a few months of treatment starting as fell pregnant again. Sadly miscarried at 10 weeks. Had a very up/down time after, not helped by major house renovations - hugely stressful as am SAHM so builders etc bashing hell out of everything while DS a baby was hideous beyond belief, plus DP works long hours (gets in just before 7 every night) with very demanding job) and he was doing lots of work on house himself so I felt extremely alone. I got to the end of my tether in the summer after months of arguing/not talking/him going to pub/me feeling desperately unhappy and kicked him out. I acted awfully - shouting, swearing - and was unbelievably horrible to him but I just couldn't carry on feeling so alone and unloved. We got back together and started to rebuild our lives and had sessions with Relate. I also went back on meds and asked GP to refer me for therapy. While we were apart he suggested I talked to his mum (I've since found out this was her idea) so I invited her over to talk about mine and DPs relationship. I thought that if she could see why I'd flipped she might be able to get DP to see things from my side. I totally didn't expect her to side with me but what wasnt expecting was for her to launch into telling me a load of things that she had obviously been bottling up about my relationship with my son (too close) and my parenting decisions about naps (he should sleep on sofa and not cot). She also went into a major attack about her XH (DPs dad) and although I obviously know they split up 30 plus years ago I'd never known details (none of my business). She hates him as she "had to fight for every bit of access" for her two kids (my DP and his sis) after she had an affair and walked out to live with other man (now her husband). She made it clear that I was unreasonable for not seeing her for three weeks after miscarriage. I didn't want to see anyone! It wasn't personal! And I had a whole lecture about how affectionate her and her hubby are and that they were always commenting on how me and DP weren't. She didn't say anything evil but she did, I feel, overstep mark by slagging off DPs dad - lovely man - and telling me things I was doing wrong as mother. MIL and SFIL sold up and moved 10 mins away while I was preg with DS as she assumed she would look after him when I returned to work. She looked after her GD when her DD went back to work at 5 plus months. She never makes outright nasty comments but has made so many little digs and interfered so often that I've just had it with her. To share all would be impossible. Her chat with me upset me but when DP and I got back together I tried to push to back of mind and get on with things. We'd see them at weekends etc etc. things came to a head recently as MIL kept asking DP what was up with me and he pushed and pushed til I told him what she'd said. He then told her and now both MIL and SFIL have said they don't want anything to do with me. DP and I are hardly speaking and he's just taking DS over to her house for dinner etc without me. He blames me totally for situation. So fed up. Scan next week and don't think I can bear to go. Feel like I was living my life around them and now they get to shut me out and dictate what my DS and DP do too.
Prob missed loads of crucial stuff out so if doesn't make sense...
Help... Anyone...