AIBU to not take food to a friends buffet?

[lettucelamp]

I have 3 fairly close friends, since high school, although we don't see each other as much as we'd like. Every year we have a get together at Christmas, usually go for a meal but this year friend A invited us to hers as saving for a wedding and we'd have drinks and she'd do a buffet. Was really looking forward to it. Now, this meal is always a massive PITA to sort out, friend B is always "booked up from October" and is just slow to sort everything out. Friend A, friend C and myself worked out a time and day (evening) and friend B then said three weeks later that she can't do that time as she has an appointment in the afternoon. Friend A then said we should all meet at hers at 12pm, and if we couldn't go that early then to just come at any time. Friend C then dropped out as also working until 4:30pm and I can't get there until at least 2pm. Friend A was going to do a buffet, is notoriously tight with them (asked me to bring all the sandwiches to the last one she did!) and now is asking me what I'm going to take. I'm miffed about it all to be honest, normally I would bake a dessert but I don't see why I should have to take food to what will be an already half eaten buffet! Also, we usually do gifts but they text me a week ago to say they decided a while ago we're not doing them this year, and I'd already knit them both something for their presents. Feel like my friendship is just not a priority for them, I feel friend B doesn't even like me anyway. It all seems a bit pointless now. We all have busy lives but I don't think it's unreasonable to make an effort to see each other at Christmas. AIBU to ignore the buffet request, turn up empty handed, stop for a chat and drop off Christmas card and go?

Not sure which friend you're annoyed with and why, tbh.

Doesn't sound like you want to go. But your op isn't the easiest to read.

You're right about one thing; it does all seem a bit pointless... some of them don't even LIKE you??

I don't think it's a buffet if there's only 4 of you.

I think it would be ok to do that as long as your ready to live the consequence which could go either way in that it will pull people up short and they will revaluate the friendship and make more effort with you - or they will just let things go.

I'd be a bit all or nothing with this. Either don't go - if they are good friends they will understand you are busy and want to catch up at a less hectic time, or suck it up make a pudding and go.

Yes, re reading why on earth do you try and do this at Christmas? Seems insane. I have two old school friends I see once a year - we tried to do Christmas but it's inevitably impossible so we do end of Nov or Jan instead. Every one is less stressed then.

Oh and do give them what you've knitted, just explain you had them done before you knew. We don't give to receive eh.

There's nothing wrong with her asking what you're going to bring. Were you going to turn up empty handed?

So you'd usually meet up for a meal out, which you'd pay for but you resent taking food to eat when you're eating at someones home?

I wouldn't dream of going to anyone's empty handed. Why don't you think you should contribute? Maybe they'll wait for you all before they eat or not eat every scrap of food, which you seem to assume they will do.

I'd bale out of the whole, rather confused mess, to be honest. The numbers have dropped to three out of the original four and you can't get there for the start time of 12pm. So that means that two people entertain themselves for 2 hours over a few sandwiches. You then turn up with a pudding. Presumably after the sandwiches have been scoffed. All in all, it doesn't come across as an exactly festive event.

Despite what I said, above. YABU in not bringing food to a buffet if that's what everyone else has agreed. Better to decline the event altogether than turn up empty-handed. Especially as you've already saved the cost of the customary meal out.

Just out of interest OP, if you take dessert and not all of it gets eaten (seeing as they will have eaten EVERYTHING before you get there) will you take it back home with you?

forumdonkey I wouldn't normally, no. We did a buffet once another year (that I made the sandwiches for) and I was 15 minutes late getting there due to some unexpected traffic. They'd already started eating the food then by the time I got there. Normally I would NEVER turn up empty handed to anything, and I probably will end up taking something, I think it's just the annoyance that I feel like I am being left out and a time arranged when they knew I would be at work.

Summerisle1 I think your first comment summed everything up better than I did myself tbh.

forumdonkey I wouldn't normally take home the dessert leftovers, I mean

This get together needs to be an annual event held at another time surely?

How about a spring fling?

goeasypudding we do see each other at different times of the year too but I think you're right, we need to stop doing a Christmas get together. Last year was a nightmare to organise as well, I vowed I would never do it again.

I would bail out of this whole thing. It sounds like this friendship has run its course.