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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about BF wanting a second child in a 1-bedroom flat?

13 replies

krystellie · 04/12/2014 10:59

Hi, I was out for coffee with my BF yesterday and she casually mentioned that her and her DH are going to start trying for their second child.

Whilst this is lovely, they currently live in a (very small) 1-bedroom flat with a 3 year old who sleeps in their bedroom.

I wanted to sound excited and positive for her but surely they should be looking for a larger place first (which they know they need to do), then try for their second? I couldn't imagine moving when either heavily pregnant or with a new baby.

Or AIBU?

OP posts:
canweseethebunnies · 04/12/2014 11:04

Well...I know several people who have move whilst heavily pregnant or with small babies. Probably a bit of a nightmare, but not the end of the world!

Even if they don't move, the baby will be safe and cared for with a roof over its head, so I wouldn't worry too much. You don't have to do it!

butterbeerfloat · 04/12/2014 11:06

We were living in a studio until I was 35 weeks pregnant, now in a 1 bedroom house awaiting arrival of DC1 any day. There wouldn't have been any point in us spending the money on the extra room here before we needed it. She's got 9 months to sort out a 2 bed before the baby's here.

She may not fall pregnant immediately either, so could find themselves paying for a 2 bed for a long time before it's really needed.

YABU. None of your concern tbh.

Mammanat222 · 04/12/2014 11:06

I moved at 33 weeks (from a 1 bed with a 2 year old) to a bigger place.

It was fucking awful and I wouldn't do it again BUT it happened and we all coped.

Original poster
krystellie · 04/12/2014 11:10

From what she was saying, I think she's hugely underestimating how much stress it will cause. Yes, I'm sure they'll manage and she's a brilliant Mum, but why not put off the baby for a few months and move first?

She doesn't deal with stress especially well so why put herself through that when it can be avoided?

OP posts:
Mrscog · 04/12/2014 11:12

Maybe there's a financial reason you're not aware of?

I think your best approach is to be a supportive friend and help her manage any stress she gets as a result of their decision. Maybe their first DC took a long time to conceive so the think there could be years to go?

outtahell · 04/12/2014 11:14

YABU - it's their business. They can always flip things round so that they sleep in the lounge if necessary. It's not unknown for whole families to fit in bedsits/those long stay B&Bs when needs be. Not ideal, but doable.

outtahell · 04/12/2014 11:17

Also, where I am the higher the people to rooms ratio the more priority you get for social housing. Could be they reckon they need a second baby to provide room for a second baby.

imip · 04/12/2014 11:18

I know a number of people who are doing it with primary school-aged children (London). There is no problem with it. I moved out of a 1br when preg with dc2. We could have managed two.

Sometimes it's a good compromise when money is right in the short term. You'd be very very unreasonable to bring it up with her.

NewNamePlease · 04/12/2014 11:23

Why are people saying its none of OPs business? It's her best friend, she is worried that she is going to find her self in a hard situation.

There are plenty of people who move whilst pregnant as long as her DH is supportive and not the kind to let her do everything and stress out it will all go fine.
More curious as to how they are going to TTC with the three year old in the room or even in the same small flat Confused

McFox · 04/12/2014 11:24

We're in a 1bed with DS1 and considering having a second baby. What I don't understand is why it's any of your concern where your friend lives?

BlackeyedSusan · 04/12/2014 11:25

this is probably how things are going to be in the future for a vast section of society. those who own may only be able to own smaller than ideal. those who rent will only be able to rent smaller than ideal, especially n the southeastish bit of the uk and some big cities.

Original poster
krystellie · 04/12/2014 11:27

Thanks NewNamePlease, I'm pleased someone understands my concern!

I love my BF and hate to see her in a stressful situation that could be avoided. She has said for 3 years that she wants to move to a larger place but has put it off. I really don't think it will be any easier for them (far from it) if they have a second baby or she's heavily pregnant.

OP posts:
PercyGherkin · 04/12/2014 11:27

Our DC2 was conceivd on the floor of the living room Newname, and we had two bedrooms at the time. I expect this couple will find a way!

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