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AIBU?

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Original poster

To put a bolt on my bedroom door!

55 replies

BadIdeaGenes · 03/12/2014 18:55

I'm in quite a complicated situation with my landlord at the moment. I live in a shared house with her and another friend. The house belongs to her parents and it's her first time living away from home. They are used to renting properties and she's never done it before and acts much more like a tenant of theirs than our landlord most of the time. Because of this whenever we have queries about rent or maintenance matters we have been given contact details for her parents and go to them.

Apart from previous grievances over never turning the heating on and her not pulling her weight with the housework, the current issue concerns my privacy.

Me and my other housemate went on a weekend away a couple of weeks ago. We knew that she was having a first date that weekend and inviting him round. I had a niggling thought in the back of my head that if she wanted to shag this guy (a whole other issue), she would use my bed (her parents wanted to maximise the rent so she has the box room with a high sleeper whereas I rent the master bedroom). I therefore arranged a few items on my freshly made bed and took a photo for future reference. At the time, I felt incredibly guilty about even thinking that of her. Blush

When we got back I noticed as soon as I walked in that something wasn't right. Despite her careful replacing of each and every item, I could tell that every part of my bed had been disturbed, especially when cross referenced with my photo. Even the bedside lamp!
And upon closer inspection there was a mystery stain in the middle of the bed! Shock

The next morning I told her very firmly that she needed to wash my sheets, she tried to play it off at first, but after realising my anger she did this.

The problem now is that she mentioned in passing that she's holding a new years eve party in the house. Me and my other housemate are spending the holidays away with our families.

My gut tells me the only way I will be sure that my privacy is maintained is if I install a lock on my door, however to do this I would have to screw into the wood which requires permission from her mother. I know that she will ask why I want a lock and to explain the situation to her feels very much like childish telling tales.

My other option is to sit my landlord down and tell her firmly that it is unacceptable for her or anyone else to go into my room. But how do I make sure that when I come back in the new year I know if she's been in my room?

I've lost my peace of mind and could really do with some advice! Sad

OP posts:
TimeWarp · 03/12/2014 21:49

Put the Templock on just before you go, to leave as little time as possible for your flatmate to ask you to take it off. Tell your flatmate that if she does report it to her parents then you will have to explain your reasons to them, and that will involve an in depth discussion of her sex life and how it impacts on you. I imagine she would probably prefer to avoid that, and so won't say anything to her parents.

TallulahTwinkletoes · 03/12/2014 21:53

Temp lock it is then. I'd feel very violated if I was you Thanks

Floggingmolly · 03/12/2014 21:53

Hasn't she already ruined your relationship by shagging in your bed and lying about it??

HaveYouSeenHerLately · 03/12/2014 21:58

The How Sar Quick Lock on Amazon is only £5.99 incl. delivery and seems very well reviewed, as an alternative.

It doesn't look like much but the reviews say it works! Smile

whois · 03/12/2014 21:59

The temp lock looks amazing. Bargain for piece of mind.

If queried say x went into my room without permission and shagged her new boyfriend in my bed, and left a massive sex stain on my bedding. I can't trust her. The lock is not damaingn the structure of the door.

Original poster
BadIdeaGenes · 03/12/2014 22:00

Yes, in my heart it was the final straw in an already rocky relationship. I can't trust her at all. However I'm trying to maintain a functionally pleasant relationship for the sake of living and studying with her for the next few months.

OP posts:
Comito · 03/12/2014 22:01

Just put the templock on and be done with it. I had a lock on my door in a shared house and I was glad I did as every few nights my lovely housemates would come and try the door because they wanted to look at steal my stuff. Fucking cretins didn't realise I was in the room at the time and could hear them.

Your housemate has no right to shag some random on your bed no matter who her parents are and you are perfectly within your rights to stop her doing it.

WitchWay · 03/12/2014 22:04

I shared a house as a student & had the only double bed, which was my own bed, bought before before I moved in - the single I used as a settee.

One evening while I was out, a flatmate shagged her boyfriend in my bed. When I got home they had removed the sheets to wash them as, apparently, they had "spilt a cup of tea" on my bed. They eventually admitted what they'd done - even tea-drinking would have been unacceptable as it was my room. I was incandescent with rage, & made sure I told as many people as possible how revolting they were.

I'd had a lock, but just a bolt on the inside.

TimeWarp · 03/12/2014 22:06

If you want to tell a white lie then tell her you are putting the lock on to save her the trouble of having to keep her party guests out of your room. She can now relax and enjoy her party without worrying about your things being moved or damaged.

Jux · 03/12/2014 22:12

Why would she ask about the lock, once she found she couldn't get in? She would know exactly why you fitted it; but, if anyone asks you why you've done it have no compunction about telling them.

A party on NYE, with you both away, sounds like a recipe for disaster when your rooms will be open to everyone and anyone, and all your belongings too. She sounds like the sort of person who would decide she'd like to play a particular song, knows it's on a cd of yours, and just help herself. Are her drunken friends (they're bound to be pissed on NYE, aren't they) any more likely to respect your space?

Difficult to maintain a good relationship with someone who can behave as she has. Good luck.

Cubtrouble · 03/12/2014 22:13

First it's shagging in YOUR bed on YOUR matress and leaving and wet patch. Where does it stop? "Borrowing your clothes? Using your makeup? Hair brush?" Oh Man you NEED a temp lock- I knew there was such a device. In this case honestly is the best policy. If you are questioned by her- or your LAND LORD. State you have suffered an invasion of privacy by another room mate shagging in YOUR bed. Ask the land lord if she too would enjoy coming home and climbing in to her own shag ruin sheets of her daughter.

I am keeping my bloody temp lock. (Bitch)

Lol maybe you could be polite.

I have serious issues regarding my bed, my clothing, shoes, etc. I don't share. Unless you are my husband. (The bed only lol not the clothes)

Good luck the next few months and hurry up finding a nice new place of your own or more moral room mates.

jay55 · 03/12/2014 22:20

You don't have to stay until July as you're a lodger, if you can find somewhere else give notice and go. You're not tied to a rental contract like you would be as a tennant.

NoSquirrels · 03/12/2014 22:24

I don't think there would be any form of issue with your landlords (her DPs) over the TempLock. And for £30 it's good value for peace of mind.

The facts are that you pay for your room, and your privacy should be maintained. It's in your contract. So she cannot and should not enter without your permission. Which you withhold (very reasonably) when you are not present.

The TempLock solution just firms up the boundaries!

If she chooses to get shitty about it, I fear her DPs would not back her up, not if they are used to being landlords. You've already had the open confrontation with her about using your bed (bleurgh) so it's not like she can claim any form of moral high ground, and you are within your rights as per the contract, so no worries there.

As Nike would say, Just Do It.

Original poster
BadIdeaGenes · 03/12/2014 22:30

I'm on such a tight budget right now, especially with christmas, that for now I'm just not sure the temp lock is an option.
I'm quite a crafty person with knots (thank you scouts!) and was thinking that there must be a way to do this with rope. I've found this and my boyfrind has the supplies to bring down next weekend to give it a go.

I will be stealing up the courage to sit her down and definitively remind her that going into my room without my knowledge is a breach of contract and entirely unacceptable.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 03/12/2014 23:24

But if she's having a party then you (and she) cannot guarantee that one of the guests won't go in there.

Is the house an HMO? Even if not, if it's rented on a room by room basis it would be perfectly reasonable to ask for locks to be fitted. You all could have guests and they cannot always be vouched for. You don't have to dob the other girl in to her parents to ask for locks.

CarbeDiem · 04/12/2014 00:06

Honestly op I'd borrow money, beg or request that lock as a xmas present to make sure it was fitted before this party.
Imagine some randoms doing the deed on your bed - bleurgh! At least with the skank you knew at least one of the shaggers.

Be brave in whatever conversation you have with her and remember SHE is in the wrong, you've every right to be angry, disgusted and to not trust her.

AcrossthePond55 · 04/12/2014 01:12

Maybe your parents could give you the Temp Lock as an early Christmas gift? Or maybe one of the other (more trustworthy) roommates would be willing to go 'halfsies' and buy one together. It could be moved from door to door depending on on who's going to be gone. If you are both going to be gone, flip a coin and the 'loser' moves their valuables to the 'winner's room'.

If you can't manage a way to lock your room, I would suggest that you strip your bed before you leave and put a cheap plastic mattress cover on it. If you can, put any valuables away, out of sight.

Delphine31 · 04/12/2014 02:05

You MUST get a lock. £30 is a price worth paying for peace of mind. I once lived with an inconsiderate skank. During one of her parties one of the guests nearly pissed in my wardrobe. If I hadn't been in my room I would have had a terrible mess to sort out. That night 3 different party guests wandered into my bedroom while I was in there. God knows what would have gone on if I hadn't been there to throw them out.

I got out of that house share pretty damn quickly.

Poor you OP. Not a nice situation to be in.

FunkyBoldRibena · 04/12/2014 07:50

If she is having a party you can bet she has offered up all your rooms for people to sleep in.

I love the paracord thing. Genius. Get this fitted asap and lock it each time you go.

FannyFanakapan · 04/12/2014 15:05

while the paracord thing looks good, it only takes a pair of scissors to open your door (" Oh I had to open the door because the alarm clock was going off" or "I needed to get my black shoes and I know I left them in there...")

The templock is more reliable and tamper proof.

Jux · 04/12/2014 15:15

Can you innocently ask the parents to provide locks, and then point them at Templock. You wouldn't necessarily have to drop the dd in it, just tell them you'll be away and therefore unable to ensure the security of your stuff. They ought to be making all the rooms lockable anyway, unless they're prepared to insure all your gear (I know that technically the dd is the owner, but actually they're the only ones capable of it.)

Rainbunny · 04/12/2014 15:28

When you ask for a lock, mention that from your research it is standard for renters to have a door lock in houseshares. I've been in a few houseshares and I've always had a lock on my bedroom door. Mention that you have some valuable items and for peace of mind it is appropriate for each renter to have a door lock. You cannot control who can gain access to the house so it's appropriate that you should be able to control who has access to your room.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 04/12/2014 21:46

All the houseshares I've been in have had locks on the doors. My mum lets out her rooms to lodgers and they all have locks on their doors. Ask the parents for a proper lock and if they don't oblige them fit your own.

I agree with pp that she will have already offered up your rooms for her guests as she has no sense of boundaries and is a disgusting dirty tramp. She's massively invaded your space by going in your room let alone having sex in their and leaving bodily fluids on your sheets. You're well within your rights to be absolutely furious with her and not trust her an inch.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 04/12/2014 21:53

It doesn't matter that her name is down as your landlord, as they seem to be dealing with the grown up aspect of things, they are effectively acting s the agents, so there's no problem with regard to you going to them rather than asking her. So, ask whichever you think you'll get the best result from, or both, and even if you don't get permission, if I were in your shoes, I would get the non permanent lock advised above and take it out of your rent if you can't afford it. If questioned, drop her in it and tell the parents what she did
(perhaps get legal advice before you do this though, shelter or similar could advise).

Be strong, you're completely in the right here. You need a lock!

CallMeExhausted · 04/12/2014 22:33

What about something like this ?

I have one of these on my office door to keep my daughter out while I am mid-project. It didn't require any alteration to the door itself, and can be switched back when we move out.

Sorry you are in such an awkward situation - she is just foul

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