to think that a riding helmet will ruin the aesthetic of Mary on a donkey?

[Slubberdegullion]

Dd2 has been asked to be Mary on Christmas Eve for the evening outdoor service at our village church. She has to ride on a donkey (Lucius) up the church path through the folk of the village (bearing lanterns). It's all very tastefully done. She then dismounts and gets given the baby Jesus. A tableaux is formed in the church porch of all the other characters. It's Christmas Level 11.

The issue of the riding helmet has been raised again. Last year dd1 was Mary yes this is a Nativity top trumps stealth boast win and we turned the riding helmet down, because well, it would look LUDICROUS for a start.

I mean, really, is riding for all of, I dunno, 25m up a church path at a sedate pace that dangerous? I think not, but I await festive donkey related horror stories with interest.

East17Brian - WHY are you bothering to post on AIBU if you're not going to listen to our advice then?

EAst17Brian

Go on then.

I'll stay another day.

Just for the advice.

And the baked potato recipes.

Last weekend on a horse going from walk to trot was bucked off...

now my riding helmet looks like this.

Outer layer totally split apart to expose shell underneath

this thread has absolutely made my night

It's a donkey, of course she doesn't need a bloody helmet. More dangerous getting in a car and I'm guessing she'll be being led at a very slow plod.

YANBU.

Its pretty important for children to develop neural connectivity related to active sport, which inevitably results from a healthy but manageable degree of risk. Learning to fall well is also a skill, albeit a more advanced one. Alternatively, if you produce a child that's likely to turn into a soft butterball, scared of doing anything wrapped up in padding and with really poor motor skills and balance, they might end up falling over on wet leaves while walking to work and getting serious concussion like my SIL.

I know what I'd rather be. Is there anything that you are not actually afraid of?

Huh. I didn't know being able to fall off the back of an animal and take a kick to the head was essential for eye hand coordination. No wonder I stub my toe all the time. If only I hadn't worn safety gear growing up.

I don't see why you can't have fun and be safe at the same time? The two are not mutually exclusive.

Moderately risky activities that are still fun, develop eye hand coordination but use safety gear that I have done:

• Rock climbing
• Cliff repelling
• Bike riding
• White water rafting
• Cave spelunking
• Skiing and snowboarding
• Horse back riding

By the way, as far as active sports, let me fill you in on a little secret about all the sports that require safety gear: All of them.

My child will be wearing a helmet if there is a risk. I have too many helmets that are cracked and have stones lodged in them. Ok, I have two, and that's still two too many. If DD doesn't want to wear safety gear, she doesn't do the activity. Same rule I had growing up, and I had no concept of danger.

Also, despite doing all that and being a high risk taker, I still slipped on some ice and landed on my back as an adult.

Bulbasaur I find your attitude to risk ironic.

Bulbasaur I find your attitude to risk ironic.

Because I know biggest injuries come from the stupidest things that you're not expecting.

Of all the stuff I've done, if I hadn't worn a helmet I'd have been just fine, bar two instances of thinking I was invincible.

I've gotten the worse injuries from running down stairs, tripping over my own two feet, and running along a swimming pool. It's when you don't think there's going to be a risk that you act the most careless with no thought.

Is it likely to happen? Probably not. It's what's at stake if it does.

I'd rather my child "look dumb" than have an accident and spend the rest of the night getting stitches in her head.

I'm sure in reality OP's daughter would be fine. I just think she's being stupid by not putting her child's safety above a fashion statement.

Some people are wrongly assessing aspects of the risk. If the donkey is very elderly it may well make it more dangerous. If it stumbles and falls on its knees the child will almost certainly fall. As for catching the child sometimes there is nothing you can do. I have seen an elderly pony slip and fall sideways and two very experienced RDA handlers could do nothing for the rider than scramble out of the way.

I really really should just leave this.

Because part of me thinks the previous post must be an absolute pisstake.

But I fear it is not.

Who knew there were leagues of rabid donkeys, all waiting for naive, unsuspecting children to climb gingerly on their backs, for a short ride across the sand (summer), or the grass verge to the church (Christmas), so that they could rise up, triumphant, psychopath tendencies alert, ready to trample and maim the helmetless children of Britain with one fell hoof? And that's not forgetting the elderly, incapacitated donkeys, who might just drop a shoulder, pretending to stumble, as revenge for all those years they have lived in the Training Camps, (or Donkey Sanctuaries as I like to call them)

You win. Let's call the whole thing off. What an UTTERLY joyless world some people live in.

Remember kids. No having fun.

It's Christmas.

LOL at enormo-cranium (OP, we must be of one mind as that was the phrase that I thought when I read your OP) and Little Segway.

Actually I must have met one of those rabid donkeys, Reelife. My then 3 year old DS went for a donkey ride (no helmet offered) and the donkey just took off at full speed down the field with a maniacal look on its face... luckily DS managed to hold on for his life until we caught up (he thought it was hilarious).

That aside, I would probably give in and go with the helmet, though purely because I would worry that others would think me neglectful if I didn't tbh. I'm sure she'll be fine, there'll be loads of people right next to her to catch her if she falls off fgs.

But if it's the what if stakes then why do we take 'risks' with some situations and not others? More people die or suffer serious head injuries from falls around the home each year, or from falling outside and hitting their heads, than from rearing or bolting donkeys - and yet the idea that we should protect our heads from the 'what if' of that by wearing a helmet is ridiculous.

The OP's daughter is sadly more likely to fall down the stairs, or be knocked over, or be involved in a car crash on her way to the church than she is to be thrown from a slow moving, reliable donkey onto a grass verge - but we don't suggest wearing a helmet on the way to the church, or walk taking the back lanes, or not taking the car to protect against the 'what if' stakes there. It's interesting how the most risky day to day activities are minimised in our minds because we feel safe as a result of repetition, and yet 'out of the ordinary but actually safer' activities are seen as more risky.

Reefy what are you on about? Have you been at the mulled wine? All I suggested is that OP's child should wear a riding hat when getting on a donkey to mitigate the risks.

And yes people at high risk from falling when doing general activities wear helmets all the time.

Bulbasaur Because I know biggest injuries come from the stupidest things that you're not expecting.

Like Michael Schumacher's brain injury is actually thought to result from his helmet repeatedly impacting against his head after the fall - the concertina effect - not to say he would still be alive without it, but this was a high speed crash resulting in his head impacting with a sharp rock.

Why on earth would you risk putting a riding helmet that hasn't been properly fitted onto a child? A too large hat is incredibly dangerous.

Can anyone produce any statistics on how many head injuries have resulted from children riding nativity donkeys without riding hats?

The thing is, you are going to fall repeatedly at points in your life. Is there anyone on this planet who has reached adulthood without several falls? The more activities you do, the more skills in terms of balance, motor skills, etc. you gain. In terms of risk, my SIL's children have been so mollycoddled that they have never been allowed to do any slightly risky activities. They do not really know how to run (10 and 7) and if you try and play a game of football with them on grass, which is something their risk-averse, inactive parents never do, they simply fall over repeatedly because they trip up over their own legs. For them, running or playing an easy game of football causes a high risk of falling. They wouldn't be allowed near such a thing as a donkey because of exaggerated risk. I think they are actually at far greater risk of having a serious fall at some point because of this approach. Feel free to disagree.

I was a disciple when Jesus was riding on his very old and staid donkey as it led the Palm Sunday prosession up the aisle of church. All of about 15m.

About half way up the donkey decided that it didn't like the look of the palm leaves, and turned round and legged it. Teenage Jesus was found a few streets away still (luckily) clinging on for dear life.

For the authentic Blackpool donkey ride look she should be wearing a STRAW hat, OP

YANBU, anyway. Anyone who has ever tried to get a donkey to do more than about 1mph under any circumstances will be at the idea of one bolting.

Oh! Cross posted with someone who has actual experience of a donkey bolting

As this is the season of peace and goodwill to all men I will take on board all posts making reference to fractured skulls, shaved heads and catastrophic brain injuries and interpret them as genuine concern for my dd. I am going to choose to interpret them as being well meant and therefore say thank you to all who have posted recommending that she should wear a helmet. Genuine

This year, as last year gets that stealth boast in again for good measure I will be turning down the offer of a helmet.

Dh and I have assessed the risk to dd2 in this situation and we believe, having borne witness to many previous years of Marys walking up the church path sat atop Lucius, that the risks of her falling off are extremely small, and in the event of a fall the risks of her sustaining an injury of any sort are equally small.

The posts about the risks of wearing an ill fitting helmet were interesting. I did not know that, but of course it makes sense.

Thinking about risk, dd2 is in all likely hood at a greater risk of sustaining an injury by falling on the walk to the church, along dark wet manky wet leaved paths, in a long flowing dress, carrying a baby Jesus doll. Logically it then makes no sense to allow her to walk to church helmetless and then to insist she dons a non measured helmet to sit ontop of an averaged sized donkey moving at walking pace, with an adult on either side of her, along a smooth church path with a verdant verge for a maximum length of time of two verses of Once in Royal David's City.

Oh and for all those who think this is PTA related, you are investing your efforts in the wrong institution. You want your child on a donkey on Christmas Eve, you need to get going to church. They hold all the authentic nativity power round these parts.

thanks also to Frances and her Little Segway

My ambitions were never actually donkey-related as both DSs regard them with intense suspicion after one ate DS1's banana back in the dim and distant past, and I mainly aspired to any part in the school nativity extraveganza which meant I could re-use last year's costume!

ha ha brilliant thread

a few years ago my daughter was Mary on a shetland. She rode around the village in a procession and DID wear a helmet (as they were riding on roads) but took it off just before going up the church drive and into the church. Tbh we were more worried that the pony would shit in the church than her sustaining a head injury

Glad that your own common sense has prevailed over all the gloom-and-doom merchants, Slubber!

I have faith in Lucius!

Surprised they haven't demanded she wears a high vis jacket! FFS life involves risk, as somebody said its a donkey not a Derby contender!

But back to the most important point on this thread - AGnu are you telling me I only got to be Mary because of my brown hair??!?