To think Christmas is a bit rubbish now I'm a grown up

[Kab13]

I used to love spending Christmas with my sisters and mum. Now I'm a mother myself and my sisters have children too we never spend it together, everyone has their own Christmas with their kids and dp.
My mum usually works Christmas Day, so leaves me the option of spending it with my In laws of just me, dp and dd at home.
Christmas at the in laws is a truly stressful time, with the 5 course meal, dressing up in black tie and sitting nearly at the edge of the sora as to not mess the cushions up with a manic toddler who is into everything.
It always seems too "calm" to be Xmas alone with dd and dp.
Maybe I need another couple of kids.
Maybe I'll never enjoy it again.
Maybe it's just because I'm older but I'm really not looking forward to it this year!

You need to rethink Chrismas and find a way to celebrate that your family will love.
Our Christmases have changed now, from our first ones as students visiting parents to being a couple, to having children. Now my children are adults living at home, Christmas will be different again.
You will enjoy it, just find a new way.

You need to start your own Christmas traditions to make it special for you own dh and your own dd.

Sounds a bit rubbish, so i have sympathy, but nowhere near as bad as some of the other threads on here.

Could you book a meal with your side at some point? Or depending on budget could your family rent a cottage one year?

Am intrigued by black tie on xmas day!?

I doubt we would be able to book a cottage. It's difficult because one of my sisters dps is a bit of a control freak so she would never come.
Yes, my mil likes to do Xmas very formal. She enjoys hosting. We don't have to dress up for breakfast which is usually a 3 course event but for dinner it's very formal, in my opinion it's awkward! Especially with a dd who likes to make a LOT of mess!

Three course breakfast ????? How do you have room for Christmas dinner?

Breakfast is early and dinner at 5. They are tiny little courses, may as well put them all together and just do 1 normal breakfast but guess it's not as fancy.
It's okay, lots of time for forced controlled fun in between breakfast and dinner!

The way Christmas is spent changes as families change, it isn't necessarily a bad thing. It can be a lot of hard work for adults as well, doing their usual jobs, shopping, wrapping, cooking, decorating, often travelling, and it can lose a bit of magic.

I'd say enjoy the calm of a Christmas day with DP and DD, because at least you can have the day you want, it sounds rather difficult at the IL'S, they are still trying to have an 'adult' style Christmas with little regard to their DGD'S age and your comfort.

Presumably you see your DM and DSIS' at some point during the festive season?

Mil was very much pushing for Xmas at hers this year so we will do to keep the "peace" the hatred secret but if we don't go to theirs next year they will kind of have to come to us, last time we chose to spend Xmas as a family they decided to spend Xmas day at home , on their own rather than going to see their family members ( they have plenty) and spend the day saying what a terrible Christmas they had and it was never happening again :L and having them at ours is pretty tough.
Guess it's the lesser of two evils.

YANBU Doing anything at tidy houses with a small child is stressful so a formal dinner sounds very awkward...

Christmases do change, and like has been said you will work out a way to enjoy it anew.

I've spent several years hating it for similar reasons to you added to the expense and faff and organisation needed. I'm not religious, I'm a terrible cook so make a hash of hosting but similarly find visiting can be tricky with little ones and staying at home alone feels like every other day. I wish I was the child still, basically and just woke up and opened presents in a decorated house. Even now I get all grumpy when I realise it's my job now.

It is better I have found when children get a bit older and get properly excited about it all, I have found the boys excitement to be contagious (they are 5 and 7) and their hopes for the day have started to mould a few "traditions" like PJs from Rudolph the night before. Honestly this is the only one of the new wanky traditions I have subscribed to and if you knew what a scrooge I was you'd see this was probably a good thing.

So hang in there basically I'm certain you'll enjoy Christmas again at some point.

Thanks smeth I think it will definitely be better when dd understands more.
It's tough fitting in with dps family traditions I guess, it's just a lot more formal and organised than what I'm used to. Their home is like a show home and I find it a bit depressing and stressful to be in with my toddler.
Maybe next year will be better at ours.

DS will be just 4 this year and really gets it. Last year was nice, but no anticipation. We had a few mundane ones as there weren't young children in the family, and my family has disintegrated. That felt like a big anticlimax after the big get togethers of my childhood.

Really Christmas is what you make it. It can be low key and relaxing, or more elaborate. I think it's easy to be suckered into making a big deal with all the hype, commercial side, and showy crafty things which can add more unrealistic expectations and disappointment.

I agree with the poster who said Christmas's change and sadly in my case it has not been for the better. So many of my lovely family are no longer alive and their absence is felt so strongly at Christmas. I remember the years when my house was packed to the rafters and it was bedlam, but it was such fun. Even though I have my Children and Father in law which IM grateful for I would kill for my happy memories to be real. I dread the time when my children grow up and decide to be elsewhere, I think a beach will have mine and DH's name on it.

In the near future we plan to go on a cruise over Xmas. It's overrated. I used to work it every year when I was younger.