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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make my 4yo DD walk to school?

60 replies

ChangeYouFucker · 02/12/2014 09:31

Need some perspective on whether I'm asking too much if DD.

School is a 15 minute walk away, she scoots most days, sometimes walks. It's an easy walk no hills, good paths for scootering.

She would rather we drive as her friends all drive. I hate to drive, parking is horrific and it stresses me out.

2 days a week when I work we drive.

This last two days have been horrific with her having massive melt downs about not wanting to walk/scoot as a result we have been the last to school Blush

I tried to leave early today but the same happened. I got annoyed with her really angry. But now feeling massively guilty.

Perhaps I'm expecting too much of her and she is tiered???

Any advice??? Or am I being UR??

OP posts:
CrunchySlippers · 02/12/2014 10:13

i think yes definately keep walking..!
on the way home with my DS (when i can) i get him to tell me 3 things he knows now, that he didnt know this morning. can be anything from his best friends new favourite colour, or something he learnt in maths etc

bakingtins · 02/12/2014 10:16

YANBU. The mindset that advent suggested seems to be very prevalent amongst children of my acquaintance but that's no reason to pander to it. My kids walk every day but I've had complaints from visiting friends when I expect them to walk home (down the hill FFS) and a lot of "don't you have a car?" That attitude has to be a significant contributing factor to the number of obese kids there are around.

Purplepixiedust · 02/12/2014 10:51

Yanbu. The scooter is the compromise. We usually take the scooter when not taking the car. Could you walk with any of her friends?

MuddlingMackem · 02/12/2014 11:00

YANBU.

It's crazy to take the car if it makes your life more difficult. But you could always pander to her (not really!) by offering to take her in a pushchair if it's too tiring for her. Bet she'll want to walk then! Grin

I agree with the poster who said to just drag her along if you have to. If she realises she has no choice she'll finally accept it.

Our walk is only 5 minutes, but I always aim to leave the house ten minutes earlier than we need to. If we're running a bit late I have leeway, but if we get out at the earlier time DD has time to play in the yard before the bell, which she usually likes. :)

loveareadingthanks · 02/12/2014 11:09

15 minutes is nothing for a 4 year old.

You won't do her any favours by giving in to laziness, or by letting her control you. Kids that don't walk, grow up into teens that don't walk, grow up into adults that don't walk, turn into unhealthy people who die younger than they should.

LaurieMarlow · 02/12/2014 11:10

Yadnbu. A walk of that distance is really good for her and the fresh air and exercise will set her up for her day at school.

She's just being contrary / lazy / wanting to fit in with the crowd. Don't pander to her, daily walking is a good investment in her long term health.

I grew up in Ireland and my moaning was always met with hugely exaggerated stories about my parents/grandparents having to walk 10 miles a day to school, barefoot, in the snow, uphill both ways

That soon shut me up Hmm

whatsagoodusername · 02/12/2014 11:23

I'd give her a choice: walk/scooter or in a pushchair like a baby. But definitely no car.

DollyParsnip · 02/12/2014 11:46

I don't drive, DD'S nursery was a hilly 20 minute walk each way and school is only 10 mins but still up the big bloody bastard hill, so totally un-scootable. We have a vague routine, look out for foxes, birds, fire engines etc. We also used to have "competitions" to see if we could beat the bus, or who could touch the next lamp post first etc.

Now DD'S at school we do the same kind of thing but we now see if we can see any of her friends on the way. We also spot imaginary animals on front gardens, or make up songs etc - depends on how much encouragement she (and I!) needs.

Weirdly she misses it when she's on holiday, and it does nicely set her up or wind her down from school. Plus, as PP's have said, it's a lovely time to chat.

TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain · 02/12/2014 11:52

Im a 10 min walk to my school. I am the ONLY parent who walks and most live closer. Every parent drives, some kids live next door to each other and the parents drive at the same time to and from the school. Its ridiculous.

My son gives out too. But I dont drive and Im not going to have his dad late for work for a 10 min walk so I say tell em suck it up!

Shedding · 02/12/2014 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMuppetsSingChristmas · 02/12/2014 12:03

I used the buggy for my four year old whilst he was still at nursery because the meltdowns at the end of the day were legendary and it could take us an hour or more to get home on what should have been an easy 20minute walk. Just not worth the fight at that point. It was unfortunate that we got afternoon sessions and he was very very tired at the end of the day because of it, but there was nothing to be done about it. However we spent the whole of the last half term talking about how we would would walk to big school in the September, how he would be a big boy etc etc, and it helped that it is only a ten minute walk. He took to it like a duck to water, with the occasional carry home as needed.

Sometimes it's not about the distance or time, it's about the situation - he would happily ramble at the weekend with us for two hours and more, but the 'demand', the routine of having to walk to nursery at a set time every day just seemed to send him doolally. So I second/third/fourth everyone's suggestions about keeping it as fun as you can and allowing lots and lots of time. It's very very hard to keep your cool if you have a child prone to public tantrums, I've been there!

Hopefully · 02/12/2014 12:03

We live over a mile from school and walk every day with DS1 (6, he was 5 when we started), DS2 (3.5, he was 2.10 when we started, although he used to go in the pushchair very occasionally) and DD (8mo - she stays in the pushchair though!). They have been really good about it and we've never had major dramas, but top tips include:

  • chatting games, such as the disgusting cake one unthread
  • spotting things en route - we walk up a high street and look for new shop window displays etc. I also let them pick up leaves etc and make collages at home.
  • once a week treat for walking well (regardless of whether they have!). We get a gingerbread man on the way home on a Friday
  • I have been known to make dire threats about lego removal for bad behaviour on the way home (although this is usually related to DS1 ignoring other road users rather than laziness). I know I should talk it through and reason and all of that, but a swift "carry on and I will remove your lego for half an hour this evening" does the job when we're in a rush, it's raining and DD is crying!
  • be obsessive about good footwear - I got mine nice warm comfy shearling lined boots for winter walking, wellies are too cold and heavy.
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/12/2014 13:03

It's obviously totally fine. My DS is 4 and in reception too though and he's currently exhausted with full time school and all the extra Xmas things. This was the time my DD found hardest too. So 15 min walk fine and healthy but natural for 4 year old to be shattered all round at this stage in school :)

Original poster
ChangeYouFucker · 02/12/2014 13:08

Thank you for all your replies.

The thing is I LOVE walking, so to me it's a treat! I totally agree about teaching them from a young age about the benefits of walking I think it is down to the timing and me being lazy at not making it more fun.

When one of her friends does walk I don't get a peep out of her (until they go their way and then it's moan moan moan).

I guess guilt can sometimes make me doubt myself, rather than seeing the situation for what it is: a 4 year old throwing a strop!

MN has given me the power to say no! It yes????

OP posts:
Original poster
ChangeYouFucker · 02/12/2014 13:09

Or yes (that was meant to say)

OP posts:
loveareadingthanks · 02/12/2014 13:50

Good for you. What do you feel guilty about though? Those parents who drive their kids pathetically short distances are the ones who should feel guilty for lots of reasons! (yes, obviously some genuinely don't have a choice, disabilities/getting to work etc, but most are just lazy, let's be honest).

I have zero tolerance for whinging/whining for the sake of it. If you give in to it, they just do it more and more and more (because it works for them). If it doesn't work, if it gets them a telling off, they quit doing it and you also know that on the odd occasion they do have a moan, it's for a real reason. Makes life much easier in the end.

Walking is fun with kids. Lots of silly games you can play. We used to do soldier marching 'lef right lef right chin up you 'orrible little man (giggles), about turn, HALT (stamp stamp) quick march' blah blah, it used to make us both laugh and it got his little legs moving like magic. Look for interesting things. Look for differences - a tree through the different seasons is very interesting to follow. My son was fascinated by a parked three-wheel car. Can you spot a fox? What patterns are the clouds making? Why do you think they are digging up the road over there? All this stuff is totally missed if they sit in a car.

Viviennemary · 02/12/2014 13:53

Even I don't think 15 minutes is too far for your DD to walk. I was the world's worse walk refuser when I was a child.

Hairtodaygonetomorrow · 02/12/2014 13:56

It's fine as in physically fine for her to walk that distance.

However, I have seen over the years, plenty of children whining, wingeing, having a meltdown, lying on the road - especially toddlers aged 2/3.

So- of course it's fine to walk, but it is also true little children, and four is quite little, doing a full day at school or nursery get tired, that's why people persist with buggies or boards way after they really need them and that's why setting off very early is the only way forward. I once set off on time (just) with my four year old and after 10 min, she had only gone ten metres, so I had to give in and drive on that occasion- you can't really be late to school multiple times over paddies as attendance is monitored at school unlike nursery. Obviously now they walk nicely as they are older and self-police themselves being on time.

Iggly · 02/12/2014 13:58

Yanbu. We are similar and I have only driven ds to school twice since September. This was because we had to.

However he is genuinely tired on the odd occasion - he's actually a bit under the weather today - so I have to be careful not to push him on those days. I pull him on a scooter when its like that.

But I reckon it is peer pressure - friends get driven so she wants to as well!

fromparistoberlin73 · 02/12/2014 13:58

good for you OP- keep walking

that said, my DC would kick off too lazy buggers - like eeyoreeeyoreoh said

Hopefully · 02/12/2014 14:02

The other thing I meant to say is we leave TONS of time, so I am never stressing about that as it is a guaranteed route to meltdowns if I try to hurry them. I start getting their shoes on at 8:10, we are out the door at 8:15-8:20, it is a 25 minute walk (without dramas), and we don't need to be there till 8:55, so I have a good 10 mins in hand every day. Usually we are just ridiculously early, but we wrap up well and it's worth it for the days when their feet drag/we forget something/someone falls over/everyone cries for some reason.

dorasee · 02/12/2014 14:08

How much sleep is your little one getting? It sounds as if she may be tired. My LO is also 4 and we have a 40 minute walk to school. Some days we take the train in and that leaves us with about a 15 minute walk. I'd stick to my guns. It's a healthy start to a long day and a chance to have a good chat and connect.

Starlightbright1 · 02/12/2014 14:19

I walk a similar distance with a 2 year old to collect drop and collect my DS. She walks there and pushchair back. We play lots of games ,sing songs, wellies on rainy days, With my ds we do practise timetables, chat about the day. Running run to the tree , run to the bus stop. cound how long it takes.

I prefer to let my DS walk as I think they are sat down a long time at school

donkir · 02/12/2014 14:19

I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if this has been suggested already. Have you tried a chart on the wall with the list of things that need doing in the morning?
Eg breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth, shoes, coat and school bag. Have some Velcro smiley faces that she can stick on after every activity is done.
We do this with the reward of when I pick up from school he'll get a fruit smoothie. Only if we're not late in the morning.

PassTheSherry · 02/12/2014 14:24

The walk is doable - my kids walk a mile or so home from school, have done since they were 4yrs old too.

We do get lifts in though, as their Dad drops us all off on the way to work. They walk home fine.

The only thing I will say is, at age 4 they do get more tired - make sure they're getting enough rest. Also I found that at that age they are not so good at coping with "sometimes lifts", and "sometimes not".

The hardest thing was when my youngest was 4, occasionally we were offered lifts home from a friend - it would set 4yo off for the rest of the week though, moaning and crying if she had to walk then. It got to the point I had to decline lifts from my friend all the time, as 4yo couldn't cope! She was much better after a week or so, and walked with far less fuss once she knew the car option was gone. Perhaps you have to just do one or the other for a while?