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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to put on my coat and sit in the car till it's time to leave

37 replies

HammerToFall · 02/12/2014 07:21

I can't cope with the constant arguing fighting and bickering in this house any more. Dc (8 and 6) start the minute they set eyes on each other in a morning to the minute they fall to sleep at night. They even argue from their beds across the landing.

It drives me mad, all I can hear is shouting banging fighting and then I have the constant barrage of 'he did' 'she did' approximately every 17 seconds.

I hate mornings and dread picking them up from school. Hmm

OP posts:
pluCaChange · 02/12/2014 07:35

Unfortunately, if you sit in the car, they won't be ready.

Is there any way their father could spend more time (alone) with these delights?! Grin

pluCaChange · 02/12/2014 07:36

P.S. DD is just screeching at me for television as I MN and try to ignore her tantrum, since it's early enough for me not to need her to do anything yet!

Purplepoodle · 02/12/2014 07:40

That would be nice but I'm afraid they may be blood. Send them to their rooms as soon as they start bickering, perhaps give the a count to stop. Then they have to go to the rooms with door shut. Say give them 10mins then they can come down to watch tv if it starts agin then up they go.

JontyDoggle37 · 02/12/2014 07:43

Use the punishment I saw on Facebook yesterday - being made to sit on the back step, in silence, holding hands with each other, for the same amount of time they spent arguing. They might suddenly decide it's much better not to argue in the first place!

howtodrainyourflagon · 02/12/2014 07:45
Flowers

Have you tried the good cop approach where out of the blue you start putting 10p in a pot for every act of kindness and cooperation and split it between them at the end of the week?

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 02/12/2014 07:46

Forbid them to talk to each other and make them do things in separate rooms. At the very least it'll give you a break from listening to them. I have absolutely no patience for this, you have my absolute sympathy. Over the years the DC have come to realise that when they squabble over rubbish I have no interest, I don't care and I don't want to know, but rule 1 is that they don't do it in front of me or they all get into trouble. I should say though that it only only worked for me because mine were all verbal sniping - no physical fighting.

MrsStark1 · 02/12/2014 07:57

I have this to, only they share a room and we have a small house so one stays upstairs one downstairs to play. I also ignore the telling on each other.

Booboostoo · 02/12/2014 08:18

The authors of "How to talk to..." also have a book on sibling rivalries which might help?

Hairylegs47 · 02/12/2014 08:22

For years we had this, drove me potty! I remember the hair tearing frustration if it.
Then an older couple told us how they solved it. As soon as the fight starts, put them both in a small room - the loo was the smallest we had - and tell them they can't come out til they've discussed their problem and have come up with a solution that they all agree with. They then come out and tell you what happened and how they've solved it. If they come out with out agreement, they have to go back in until it's solved. If someone isn't happy or is being pressured into agreement, back to the room they go. Don't become the referee at anytime, stay calm, don't bite no matter how they provoke you or if you agree with one of them. Leave them to it. We had 6, imagine at least the older 4 stuck in the only bathroom trying to 'discuss' the problem. The howls when anyone needed to 'go' was really funny!

Sounds ridiculous, but it worked! We could hear their arguing, but as we weren't the referee, we could laugh about it and they learned to solve the problems. Eventually all we had to do was say 'oh, this sounds like you need to go to the bathroom together to sort it' to which they say, 'Oh please no'
We'd say ' no really ' and they'd go to the bathroom for 10 seconds and come out all smiles. They learned to get along in the end.

Original poster
HammerToFall · 02/12/2014 08:26

I have done the not being allowed to talk to each other thing then I 'he's looking at me' or 'she's smirking at me' if I send them to their own rooms they just about at each other from closed doors. Some of the stuff they do is really horrible. Ds frightens dd to death telling her all sorts of tall stories and dd rubs things in his face as she tends to get invited to more parties and stuff and has a better social life than him.

It's bloody draining. The odd time they aren't fighting they are in cahoots together against me. I don't know which is worse Shock

Dh is working away at present so there is no respite.

Now to breathe I've got six hours peace before pick up!

OP posts:
Spadequeen · 02/12/2014 08:31

I love the bathroom and back step ideas!

Original poster
HammerToFall · 02/12/2014 08:51

I'm going to try the bathroom thing, it might be a bit cold for the back step. If they start physically fighting do I then intervene?

OP posts:
SurfsUp1 · 02/12/2014 09:03

Santa has called me and told me that he is not coming to our house this year for this very reason.

My boys argue about who woke up who in the morning. It's often the first thing I hear - such a great day to start my day. So, nothing from Santa. NOTHING!

I have just bought Christmas presents for them from me and every day that they make my life miserable with their arguing they are going to take one present and put it aside to go to someone else.

Original poster
HammerToFall · 02/12/2014 17:11

They are now in the downstairs toilet sorting it out. Although I get the impression they think it's highly funny Confused

OP posts:
BathTangle · 02/12/2014 17:20

How are they doing OP? I am so going to try this on my two (v similar ages).

ivykaty44 · 02/12/2014 17:25

If they both think its fun then has it worked?

Original poster
HammerToFall · 02/12/2014 17:31

Well Ds wanted to come out so was desperately trying to reach a solution but dd thought it was fun and just kept saying I don't agree I don't agree so I said if they didn't reach an agreement they would go to bed and she magically agreed. But she is now tryin to engineer arguments to go back in the toilet. Bloody kids!

OP posts:
BathTangle · 02/12/2014 17:35

Thank you for reporting back OP - it sounds like hard work! You have my sympathies. I think I may have the same problem in the DS2 might think it funny, but we'll see.

icecreamcrackers · 02/12/2014 17:39

I am following for tips,my eldest two can end up in fits of hitting each other aged 9 and 5 :( Any tips gratefully recieved.

ovaryhill · 02/12/2014 17:41

I have 17, 18, and 20 year olds who still wind each other up!

furcoatbigknickers · 02/12/2014 17:43

No because you know they won't het ready. I feel your pain, on my last nerve with my lot tonight.

petswinprizes · 02/12/2014 17:52

Loving the bathroom idea, mine have just started being proper bad to each other, smallest (7) usually winds up biggest (9) until big's temper snaps and thumps small. Usually quite a good single punch to be fair, and the small one usually deserves it, he just doesn't know when to stop. When they annoy me a lot in the car I make them get out and walk up the drive, they've usually run it off by the time they get home.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 02/12/2014 17:55

My kids (now 18 and 14) have said a number of times before that they enjoy bickering and that it is like verbal sparring. I used to send them out in the garden to do it. DS has been away at university for four months and comes back in a fortnight for the first time. Not looking forward to the bickering but it might be worth it just to have things like they were before he went away.

Bettercallsaul1 · 02/12/2014 18:08

If I could offer a valuable piece of practical advice, OP Grin - invest in a time machine and go back and have your children five years apart! We managed to avoid this problem with our two almost completely. (I was warned by the grim experience of being one of three myself, all born within four years, and seeing friends with children two years apart!)