To Ask How You a would Feel About This - DH Friend Over Stepping or Not ??

[RockinHippy]

I'm curious as to what others would make of this woman's comments - where as DH says himself that this old friend of his is, in his words - opinionated, controlling & interfering & getting worse as she gets older - this incident seemed to go completely over DHs head & it's left me wondering how others would feel about it ???

Back ground so that I am not drip feeding ...

We met up with a group of DHs old friends yesterday, one of whom I like a lot, the others I can take or leave as a group, but generally get on fine with one to one.

I have known them a long time too, I see the good & bad in all of them & can enjoy their company, but I also see the way they bitch about each other, give away personal info, that they shouldn't behind each other's backs etc, so they are just not the sort of people I would trust as friends, so I have kept my distance metaphorically, but I don't dislike any of them & value them as acquaintances - if that makes sense.

We don't often see them anymore, lots of politics over broken relationships over the years, us both not taking sides & being honest about that, plus differences in parenting styles, playing a part in us getting sidelined over the years, which neither DH nor myself are particularly bothered about, but we do still like to see them from time time.

In fairness, I was dealing with migraine symptoms & had warned DH before we went out, that I wasn't in the mood for this particular group, as my fuse gets a bit shorter & I'm not great at biting my lip when I feel ill. So I had suggested he went alone, but he wanted me to come regardless, so I went along.

Generally it was a pleasant afternoon, a few minor niggles, but enjoyable never the less.

DH & I have been married a long time, have a good solid marriage & both have a sense of humour & like to wind each other up in a fun way - this is pretty obvious to anyone who knows us well & most of his old friends think it's great that I can handle him at his own game & take no crap from him if he tries to get bossy - & vice versa

We've even had the massive compliment from some of our very long time friends, that we have the type if relationship they dream of & that we give them hope - that's not boasting, just trying to put the following comments made by DHs friend yesterday, into context

We were telling the rest table about a prank I had played on DH on Saturday night - where I hid in the house when he came in from after a night down the pub with a couple of mates, he started off wandering around the house looking for me & complaining loudly about lights left on, whilst I childishly stifled giggles from my hidey hole & he ended up searching the attic & I jumped out on him when he hit a point where he was obviously starting to panic a lot as I had disappeared - & I then jumped out on him, making him jump out of his skin.

Everyone around the table thought it hilarious & everyone was laughing including DH - the old friend in question stopped laughing quickly & whilst pointedly looking directly at me (this was missed by DH) quipped, mmm, maybe next time he will not come home at all, - I ignored this - so she quickly followed up with - or maybe he might stay out having a good time not come home for a couple of weeks - I did respond to this but kept it sarcastic & light hearted enough, as in "yeah, yeah, of course he will, he knows I'm daft enough to put up with that sort of disrespect"

No huge deal - but as I say, I'm curious as to how others would take remarks like that ??

TIA

I'm guessing your disdain for this group is eveident so I guess they aren't too keen on you either.

I'm guessing it is just a reference to her preferring you dp without you?

I would be pissed off with a comment like that, but can also see why the friend would be pissed off if you are always a bit distant and unfriendly with these people.

The way you describe them I do wonder how you come across to them. Tbh your ideas of 'winding' each other up seem very Immature but if that's what works for you then it's fine. You maybe came across as very with your story which left you open to comments along the similar jist of your story.

Er.... I wouldn't think anything of the comment. It just sounds like a not-very-funny slightly barbed comment. Big deal. You obviously don't like these people anyway, so why even care?

Yes - I think I wouldn't really worry about but think there was a bit of a disconnect in the group.

I'd try and not go again, tbh

Bit of an immature prank, but hey ho.

I agree with Msmarvel, sounds like they prefer his company without yours.

I don't think the friend's comment was overstepping, it seems reasonably appropriate in the context of someone telling a story about how she tried to trick their husband into thinking she had disappeared.

Sounds like there is an undercurrent of unpleasantness. I would have puller her up on it, but then it was meant to be a pleasant get together, so that wouldn't have gone down too well.

To be honest i wouldn't be spending any of my spare time with anyone who i thought was ''opinionated, controlling & interfering''*, so personally it's hard to put myself in your shoes OP.

*unless it's family and you have no choice of course

Um - that sort of hilarious anecdote is difficult to follow. I imagine it was just a throwaway space filling remark.

I would probably have said something similar. Isn't it just a joke? As in 'haha you might find yourself stuck in the cupboard for two weeks' kind of thing.

YANBU. I hate the "better behave or your man will leave you" type comments far, far more than pranks.

It was a joke. Must have stirred feelings of insecurity within yourself. Not her fault.

She obviously didn't find it funny. Nor did I. Very childish and silly.

I think what you have here is a situation where you are like a toddler who is hiding. Everyone can see the toddler, but the toddler thinks no-one can see them and is pleased with their duplicity.

In other words, as much as you don't care for them, they equally don't care for you. You are both concealing this as badly as a hiding toddler. Your DH's friend had a bit of 'emotional leakage ' towards you and you picked up on the dislike.
FWIW - if my DH ever hid on me and scare me like that, I would bloody flip out. You should treat story as anecdotal marmite -some will find it hilarious, many will think you're a nob.

OP it sounds to me like a bit of envy on her part that you can be daft and childish and play pranks. Not everyone has that kind of relationship. To those commenting on how childish etc, is that not the point of pranks? Life would be bloody dull without a little or a lot of daftness.

Just to clarify, - I have not said anywhere that I don't like these people, there is no obvious disdain for them to pick up on, as I just don't feel that way - if I did, then I just wouldn't entertain spending time with them at all - life's too short.

I like them all individually & have gone out of my way to help each of them on many occasions & I do enjoy their company as they can be a lot of fun - but I don't like how the group dynamics can go, it can be very bitchy & backbiting towards each other, especially after a few drinks & they are all hard drinkers - I'm not.

These are very, very long time friends to each other, so if they openly bitch about each other, to all in sundry when one leaves, including giving out detailed & very personal information about the friends that have just gone home, then I would have to be a bit of an idiot to trust them with anything too personal about myself - it's generally drink fueled, so I take them as I find them - that's all - ironically the one who passed the remarks, I usually have more respect for, as she tends to speaks her mind openly, rather than back biting - which is more how I am myself.

& yes the prank was very childish - it was meant to be, it was a bit of silly fun fuelled by a stir crazy few weeks of been stuck indoors, with noisy roadworks, ill DD, plus ill DH, then me

If you are saying that you don't dislike these people, then I'm curious as to how you are with people you actually dislike??

If I was out in a group and there was someone acting like how you've described,I would think they were a snob. And would probably after a few drinks be a lot less subtle in hiding it.

You tell us the group is awful - and we can only take your word for it - but you sound sneery, easily-offended and pretty juvenile yourself from this post. I suppose six of one and half a dozen of the other. Are you an actual adult? I honestly can't imagine a grown woman playing this kind of lengthy Jeremy Beadle prank on her husband and finding it funny enough to then recount to a big group of people who clearly don't like you, and whom you dislike....?

And what boundary exactly do you think the friend was overstepping by her comments? Maybe she doesn't think you have a fabulous, rock-solid marriage just because other friends do think so, or maybe it was a throwaway comment because she couldn't figure out what was so funny?

Also, you mention yourself in your op that there were some minor niggles. Can you give an example of these? To get an idea of how the rest of the night had gone before this comment was made?

Really hard to judge how badly she meant it without knowing more about her history. Did she have a bloke who left her that way, for instance?

But really, it's not that big a deal.

I think your "hilarious anecdote" and the colleague's "quip" sound just about as cringey as each other tbh.

This is why I prefer to stay in and watch Netflix most nights

I have no envy of someone who plays pranks- a bizarre suggestion.

I wouldn't worry op. I think you two just don't click. It's no big deal if you don't see each other often, is it...

Thank you drbonnie & a few others for reading my post as it was written, not re writing your own novel between the lines which seems to be common practice on here these days

theChandler thank you, that'sEXACTLY how I took the remark - as a throw away comment in itself I wouldn't have thought too much about it, it was the way it was pointedly delivered complete with hardcore Paddington stare, as in, behave or you lose him

& for those that ask, sadly she's a widow of a lot of years now, but though he was lovely as a person, he was another hardened drinker which meant they didn't have the best of relationships when he was alive, but she looks back with rose tinted specs, which is understandable I suppose

I'm regretting asking now, way too many presumptions made & too few people who seem to actually read & understand what I have written - why on earth does my not drinking make me a snob, or mean I'm looking down on them in distain maybe I just can't drink for health reasons, or just don't need to in order to have fun

Oh well

I think her comment was a clumsy way of showing she thought your prank was really cruel.
I think it was too.