(Trying to) Work from Home

[MarianneSolong]

This has become increasingly difficult since my husband retired, and started a new business which is also based at home. I also have an outside part-time job, which means I am out of the house every lunchtime.

Some of the stuff he needs for the business is stored in the room where I work. He will also occasionally need access to the PC I use, because the iPad he mostly uses doesn't currently have software which will allow his database to be stored there. And he will sometimes want to make use of the cordless phone to make calls on the landline - rather than his mobile.

When he first retired, he would also constantly open the door to keep telling me what he was doing, where he was going. Or I'd go up to clean my teeth, come down to start work, only to find he'd started using the computer to make entries on the database.

I've tried really hard to solve the problems. I've suggested that every breakfast he tells me what he's going to do that day, so he doesn't have to keep interrupting me by telling me what he's doing - I'll already know. I've suggested that when he needs to use the room where I work, that whenever possible he does this while I'm out at my part-time job.

But over the last few days everything has gone horribly wrong. There was a busy weekend doing family-related stuff, so I couldn't do much work then. Plus sleeping problems meant that I had to stick to doing things which didn't need much concentration. So I was looking forward to Monday morning, when normally I'd have several hours when my daughter was at school, but before I had to leave for my part-time job. I was a bit disconcerted to find that my husband had invited one person round to view stuff stored in my work space at 9.30 and another at 10. I told him it was not ideal. Even so, just having 45 minutes before the 9.30 appointment felt better than nothing. My husband managed to interrupt me three times between 8.45 and 9.30 - taking out the phone, putting it back and then telling me that he would be going out for 15 minutes. After the third interruption, I got really angry with him - and he became hurt and defensive, rather than apologising..

I am really feeling quite desperate. Can anyone relate to that feeling of despair?

Have you costed out a summerhouse? I know (of) someone who works from theirs, heating, kitchenette,does a full-time job from there. Worked out cheaper than commuting.

I've a friend who took a framing course when he came out of the airforce. His daughter, who still lives at home, is an artist. Both need lots of room

I'm guessing you don't really need the phone, if not can it be relocated elsewhere?
One of you needs a new laptop for Christmas if possible.
Re-plan how you use the house, it's not really fair on anyone if his work stuff is taking over the place.

Do you have a garage or garden shed that could be converted for either of you?

Trouble is, unfinished books don't provide house-converting cash.

I think the cost of building anything would be a problem. Also when places get burgled round here it tends to be sheds etc that get done.

Even though how the house is getting used is changing/has changed, we ought to be able to make it work. It is a four bedroom terrace - one of the bedrooms is his workshop - and there is only one child in the last year of sixth form, currently living at home. Downstairs there are two 'reception' rooms. (One of these is where I work.) There is a big kitchen/dining room, plus an unheated shacklike conservatory.

I've had a talk to my husband. He's said that it's only 0845 calls and international ones that need the landline - because they're more expensive on the iPhone. (There are currently a couple of fixed landlines upstairs and downstairs, but but the cordless one is convenient for the room where some paperwork is stashed recently. And there's a family matter going on which has meant rather a lot of international calls.)

I've spelled out exactly, on an hour by hour, day by day level when I want/need not to have him coming in and interrupting - the only exception being if it's an appointment which needs some of the stuff in the front room, which cannot be scheduled for a time when I'm out at work/not working. I thought I had spelled it out before sufficiently, but not in such minute detail. He has agreed. We'll see how it goes. I feel shattered.

Is it in your budget to get him a small laptop for Christmas?

That said, I agree with PP's about not respecting your space and time. You are not there simply his convenience. You have your own thoughts, feelings, and right to personal space.

DH leaves me alone when I dick around on the internet work. I leave him alone when he does his.

Make a rule that if you close the door, you're not to be disturbed unless him or someone else is dying, and even then, he can call an ambulance first.

You can buy a laptop for under £200, and many libraries have wifi if you need it. I'd find a corner at your local library and make it a second home.

Plus you get the heating paid for by someone else!

Best wishes for your second novel, OP. Good on you for pushing ahead after the near miss.

Actually I'd welcome recommendations re laptops. (Thinking about me. Also daughter going to university.) Ideally something running Windows 7. For office stuff - not really films/games etc.

Good luck OP. It is all material!

There are some great Dell laptops with 12.5% off today only for Black Friday.

Or cyber Monday, even.

Just get any old laptop in the January sales.

Unless you are a really geeky type who needs enormous data capacity they are pretty much of a muchness.

I got an Acer laptop for less than £300 a couple of years ago. From PC World.
It is fine, does the job. Still going strong and I haven't begun to scratch the surface of its capacity yet.

Look for laptops pre loaded with office. At least you'll be the mobile one and can go elsewhere to write. He can keep the pc, may be in his workshop?

get the cheapest laptop with 8 GB RAM - it is going to last for a very long time

also get cordless phone with several handsets

I know you need a set-aside space to write (amateur writer myself) but does it have to be somewhere that he has stuff for his new business?

I would swap the packing materials with your workspace and write in the spare bedroom. You don't need the phone, do you?

I don't think it's practical for you to share a computer. Like others have said, for writing you really don't need a high spec one. Just make sure it has a keyboard which suits you (or take the keyboard from your existing machine and get that one a cheapie - it won't matter how good the keyboard is for your husband to add a few bits to the database occasionally).

You do need to talk to him about the problem of him interrupting you so frequently. How would he like it if you kept physically taking him away from his picture frame making when he was trying to get everything set up correctly? Well, your work is mental. If he distracts you, he's taking you away from your work in the same way.