AIBU - other parent's behaviour when child hurts mine!

[carebear83]

I'm genuinely not sure what I should/could have done differently, or if I did the right thing. Plus DH has slightly different views from me about the situation. So would appreciate some perspective!

DH and I took DS1 (2yo) and DS2 (3m) to the swimming pool today. While I was tending to the baby, DH and DS1 went out of our individual changing room to start piling our stuff into a locker. Suddenly I hear big thud and DS1 crying. According to DH, another child, similar age, just walked straight up to him and pushed him over. If he'd fallen awkwardly, it would have been extremely dangerous and he could have cracked his head. He didn't, and he was ok after a few cuddles. DH said that the other mother said 'you shouldn't do that' but that was about it.

DH was furious and wanted to say something. I convinced him not to because I'm not sure what good would come of it and I don't particularly want DS1 to grow up seeing us react to things like that with aggression. I prefer, 'he shouldn't have done that so now we'll have a cuddle and kiss it better' or similar. Upon reflection, DH still thinks other mother should have apologised. While I would tend to agree that she should have (or asked her son to), given that she didn't I'm not sure I would react any differently.

So, AIBU or is DH? He is keen to discuss in advance of this type of thing happening again...

I'd challenge her. Better than your son seeing someone walk all over you.

Bad behaviour should be challenged not ignored.

I find people are quite arrogant and hostile these days. Good manners also seem to have disappeared, so it's usually not worth challenging people now.

I would have come over all lioness and the other mother would have known it

Yes, the other mother should have apologised and asked if your son was OK, but your DH needs to be more proactive. He could have intervened before contact, or been prepared for an unexpected outcome.
Other people's chidren are even more unpredictable than your own.

You'd just get a load of verbal, from both the mother and kid.

If she literally only said 'don't do that' and walked away without apologising or seeing if your DS was okay, I think that's not on. But still, what exactly would you say? Would you tell her off, force her to apologise, etc.? I might say something directly to her child like 'no pushing' (where we live people have no problem correcting other people's kids) but I wouldn't start a whole confrontation with the parent.

I don't think not saying anything tells your kids it's okay to let someone walk over you, it's more like saying you don't always have to escalate the situation, especially if you're okay. I think especially given there is so much social pressure for men to be more physical, I want to teach my son that it's okay to walk away from things too.

It depends on what your dh wanted to say really. And a bit on how old the children are.

I agree with the mother should of told the boy off but your husband cannot just go around shouting at women, what if her husband came n knocked out your husband? You need to tell him to calm the f down about he was furious because i bet if it was a man he wouldnt of been that furious and wanting to say something.

I think it's just common decency to apologise to the hurt child in this sort of situation.

hidden do many 2 year olds have the verbal skills to do that?

Sorry. I've just seen they are 2. 2 year olds are impulsive. What did your husband want to say?

what kind of aggressive thing was he planning on saying to a 2 year old or a 2 year olds mother?

she told her child off

it would have been good to apologise too, but your dh was furious. perhaps it didnt seem a good idea?

Crikey the child was only 2 ! It wasn't actually the mother that pushed him

YABabitU - it's a two year old. The mother said he shouldn't do it. That's it. Move on.

I'm not sure what you want to achieve.

My ds has just turned 2. He wouldn't be able to say sorry as he doesn't have the words. If I was the mum, I would just say sorry and tell my ds that it was naughty. Two year old are unpredictable creatures

The mother should have at least apologised to you, even if her child was too young to discipline any further

The mother should have apologised to your dc on behalf of her child.

I would have told her I expected an apology.

yabu the child was 2.

50/50 on this, she should of said sorry on his behalf but then he is two. What was your H planning to say to her?

I can understand your frustated feelings about this op. I think if I'd been in the other parent's situation I would definitely have added "I'm so sorry, is your DC ok, I really am so sorry" and then felt just dreadful.

It's so strange when people don't apologise. I know little children do things like this, they are only very small and impulsive but as a parent, if your child has hurt another child you imediately say sorry.

Not sure what you or your DH ought to have done, it's horrible in these situations because you can feel really emotional and distressed for your own child.

Your child is fine, the other child's upbringing doesn't affect you, I'd leave well alone and remember that it isn't always as it seems. This child may have difficulties that harsher discipline does no favours for.

YABU.

The child was two. He pushed your son because he wanted to. It popped into his brain so he did it. No deeper thoughts or feelings behind it. He's not going to understand much more than "Don't do X" at this age. "Don't do X, because people have feelings" won't be understood until he's a bit older.

The mother told him not to do it, and your son was just fine. No need to being dramatic about cracking his head. If it was truly that dangerous, you as the parent need to protect your own child better. Kids fall. It happens. Not a big deal.

The mother doesn't need to put on a show about how she disciplines her child to appease you. If DD acted up, I'd likely walk her away from the situation as well.

why not buy your DS this?
As well as being the height of pool fashion, this would afford his head some protection if he gets beaten up by another 2 yr old in teh changing room.

Hmm... I wrote back to this a few hours ago but it doesn't seem to have registered.

Anyway, thank you for the thoughts - it is useful to know how others would react. On balance, I think we did the right thing by not intervening (but having a good rant in the privacy of our own home...). I agree with PPs that I want my child to know that sometimes you just walk away.

I also agree, and made the point to DH, that you never know whether a single reaction in this kind of situation is part of a bigger picture at home.

Anyway, thank you to all of you (especially for the head gear recommendation ;) ) - it is reassuring to see that opinion is fairly split and that it probably did warrant a conversation between me and DH but also that reacting (which we did not, some posters seem to think we did) would have been OTT.