AIBU to miss niece's party?

[Nervypreg]

Please go easy on me - this is my first post. I've been lurking for a while (naice ham, pombears, penis beaker etc) but tonight I need the Mumsnet jury to help.

Tomorrow it's my niece's birthday party - normally it would go unsaid that myself and dd1 would pop along. However, the weekend before last my nieces both came down with a horrific sickness bug (think The Omen).
Now I struggle with sickness anyway, being emetophobic for at least 15 years, but I'm currently 7.5 months pregnant and utterly petrified dd1 will catch it. My anxiety has increased dramatically during this pregnancy, so much so that a few weeks ago I spent an entire weekend crying with worry when a sickness bug went round dd1's nursery (heaven knows how she didn't get it, I'm just grateful she was well). I've read that norovirus can live on surfaces for weeks or months, and having relayed this info to my dh he agrees it's a bit dodgy if we go and I'd be in a right old state if dd1 or I get ill. Dh is being really supportive, he hasn't ever seen me sob with anxiety before so he knows it's out of the ordinary, but am I being completely, totally and utterly irrational? I finish work in just a matter of days and I really want to be there so I can see everyone before I go, and if myself or dd1 are ill I won't be able to do this... I have also limited contact with others because of my phobia, and people already think I'm a bit of a moody arse, but I can't help it. I am looking at counselling or therapy after lo is born as it's only going to get worse with 2 kids!

Thanks for reading, please be nice :)

I say go and watch yourselves not get the bug; observe it. The treatment for anxiety is doing the things that scare you, that will be at the heart of any Cbt you receive.

YANBU. You obviously have a serious phobia and need serious help for it. Pushing yourself to go to this event when you feel so worried is not necessarily going to make a difference to how you feel generally and is likely to cause you a huge amount of anxiety. When you have proper CBT counselling you have back up and support and you take smaller steps to confront the issues.

The GP can refer you and it may be that your baby is born before you get the first appointment anyway. However, if you can get an appointment before baby is born, IMHO, please do go.

I had anxiety in my 30s and it was awful, I had CBT and was cured.

You don't need to explain all this to your sister/brother/niece, you can say what you like. You could say you were unwell, because you are, if you are crying so much you are obviously very upset. Could you also be a bit suffering from some sort of prenatal depression, or if your older child is not very old delayed post natal depression? I know someone whose children were close together and she thought she had prenatal depression but it ended up being some sort of delayed post natal depression, I think.

Whatever caused this emetophobic problem, please get some help as soon as you can.

Best of luck and congratulations on your new baby.

YANBU. I wouldn't go and at this late stage in the game you can say that you aren't feeling well (in your pregnancy) and just apologize but not go. Why put yourself through all that stress so close to the baby coming?

Get help for this when you can, but for right now I would just avoid the party.

OP - you are not a pivotal guest and it is not worth the stress as you are about to go on maternity leave even though in practice the risks are small. I imagine that being around a group of children at this time of year will increase your anxiety more.

Could you see your niece after you start your maternity leave and would you feel more comfortable about that?

How old are the children involved ? I'd assume they clean their kitchen ,bathroom and wash hands, as do you ? Does your dd attend any playgroups etc as I suspect she is far more likely to catch something there tbh than from cousins and exclusion period is usually only 48 hours not 2 weeks . Agree with others that the sooner you flag this up to your gp the better. If you want to avoid a kids' party (and I could well understand that at the best of times!) maybe at least visit in person to drop off a present ahead of time. You don't need to stay, just hand over at the door.

Feeling that anxious is horrible, for whatever reason. Crying all weekend is no way to be at all. Yes, on the face of it, your worries are groundless really, which you know, but that doesn't really help when the anxiety spirals out of control. I also think cbt as soon as you can is a great idea. Your GP can help, and I promise you, they will have met loads of people with similar problems. I hope you are able to get help quickly, and wish you the very best for the new baby. I don't think you should go to the party if you are so anxious about it. Just say you're feeling wretched due to your pregnancy.

Morning! Wow - thank you all for being so nice, you really have helped. Following a good read of your replies and a brief chat with dh, I'm going to make our excuses and not go, and the first thing I'll do when I finish work is go to my GP - that's going to be my trade off (good idea Muchly!)

Thanks for the suggestion, Italian- I wondered if it was connected with prenatal depression too because I have been more emotional generally this time round. I will mention this to my GP when I go.

Proud, that's something my dh said too about small kids this time of year. I will text dn's mother and arrange to meet up - I'd feel ok about them coming to our house, so maybe we'll have our own little party once I'm off.

Thanks for helping me everyone, you've all been really good! Please have some from me. I can feel myself relaxing about it already! Have a good Sunday.

I was going to suggest that you go with the knowledge that you would leave if you wanted to.

Would that be too difficult?

Or is it the mere thought of being in the house so "soon" after there has been an illness there?

Lizs - dd will begrudgingly wash her hands, but she still puts loads of stuff in her mouth and has done since she was baby (she's 4) and dn's are 8 and 9.5 - they wash their hands as quick as lightening, so they might as well not bother!
Fairy - I've never felt this bad before, I'm usually the one that helps others with their anxieties. 3 brilliant people I am close to suffer with their nerves and I've encouraged them to seek help and talked things through with them. Now I have first hand experience of how shit it can make your life, if you let it.

It really won't be exposure therapy. It is more likely to be a mix of counselling and cbt and developing other mental tools to cope with it.

Well done for acknowledging you need to seek help with it. I'm trying to find a gentle way of helping DH face his phobia (dental) but that first step is the hardest!

To help you feel better in the meantime get some anti-viral hand foam from Boots. It kills the germs that anti-bac doesn't and remains active on your hands for 6 hours.

Anti viral and anti bacterial stuff doesn't kill norovirus.
I would stay away but would seek some help as others suggest.

Only just revisiting this, part of the CBT was exposure, at my pace. Started with video clips on silent from other side of the room through my fingers, progressed to watching the therapist 'vomit' soup into a bucket which I did too, we had a laugh doing it! I even went and sat in a and e with someone with a sick bowl, exposure therapy does work but it needs to be the same thing over and over until you can watch it without your heart feeling like its going to pump out of your chest

Thank you Lauren - that sounds a bit terrifying, but if it works and it's done gradually it can only be a good thing I'm sure!!
Thanks for all of your replies, we swerved the party and I fessed up to my mother. She had a feeling it was to do with my phobia. I will make a GP appointment when I'm on mat leave and take it from there.
Thanks again everyone