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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think wanting to live in the area you grew up in is normal?

97 replies

Fallingovercliffs · 28/11/2014 15:12

I've just seen someone on another thread say, in passing, that a man who has bought a house a few minutes away from where his parents live must have issues?
I live about ten minutes drive from my mother. Loads of people I know have bought houses and brought up families in the area where they grew up and went to school.
AIBU to think there is nothing wrong with liking the place you grew up and having family living nearby and to use this as a criteria when choosing where to buy a house?

OP posts:

Mehitabel6 · 28/11/2014 16:30

My family and friends have all moved anyway. My parents moved around a lot. My children don't have friends where they grew up-they went to university and moved on. We moved too.

Mintyy · 28/11/2014 16:32

I would agree that it is not particularly strange or unusual.

I don't think I know anyone who has actually done it, mind you.

Viviennemary · 28/11/2014 16:35

I always think it's a bit mad tbh and can't think why people do it. But everyone's different. Most people these days go to Uni and seldom return to their home town.

BeCool · 28/11/2014 16:36

nothing wrong with it, but IME it's not "normal" no - but what is "Normal"?

Thewrongmans · 28/11/2014 16:37

I think it shows an unadventurous personality.

diddl · 28/11/2014 16:38

Tbh, I think it odd if someone were staying there at all cost to be very near parents.

i have a friend like this.

I just can't imagine not doing something as an adult because it would take me away from the town that my parents are in.

that said, I don't find either wanting or not wanting to live in your home town odd.

Floggingmolly · 28/11/2014 16:39

Nothing odd about it; but it depends where you live. In London, for example, very few people could actually afford to do this.

treaclesoda · 28/11/2014 16:41

I live in the area that I grew up in. It's not really by choice, and it's not lack of ambition or being insular and afraid to make new friends. I would dearly love to move elsewhere. But there are various reasons why we are here, and it is just how life has worked out. I hate the judgements that are levelled at us though, that we must be somehow lazy or a bit thick to still live here. Yet weirdly if an outsider came from elsewhere to live here, and live a similar life to what we are living, that would be showing a bit of 'get up and go'? I don't get it.

Madcatgirl · 28/11/2014 16:41

It depends, we live right next door to my family, but hundreds and hundreds of miles from the mil.

redskybynight · 28/11/2014 16:43

I think it's odd in people who have moved away to go to university, and then later return to their home town. I can see if you never have a reason to move away it might be "normal". Though I do consider it odd when people cling to an area just because it's familiar even when it's evidently distinctly impractical!

Neither my parents or my in-laws now live in the areas we grew up in (actually I moved about so much as a child, I'm not precisely sure what area I actually would claim to have grown up in.

smoothieooo · 28/11/2014 16:44

I ran away pretty far but... my parents, 2 brothers, 2 sisters and all nephews and nieces (plus a great nephew) all still live in the town where I (and they) grew up. Makes visiting the entire family easier though!

LizzieMint · 28/11/2014 16:45

There's nothing wrong with it, but I wouldn't say it was normal (meaning common) to me. the vast majority of people I know have moved away. I know a handful who haven't.
A lot must depend on yor social circles too, I'd imagine people who have been to uni are more likely to move away than those who haven't, as that's a sort of natural break-away point?
Fwiw, I moved far away and can't imagine staying where I grew up - what if there were somewhere better? I haven't yet found the place I want to settle down, and I'm in my 40s.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 28/11/2014 16:48

Completely depends. I grew up in a small, close knit community. My parents and most of my friends still live there. I now live 200 miles away and couldn't think of anything worse than settling back there. DH and I have moved a lot (within the UK and abroad). There are so many new places to see, people to meet etc. I sometimes think it would be nice to have family support with 12 month old DD but have made so many fabulous new friends along the way and can still visit 'home' regularly. Different stokes for different folks!

Cerisier · 28/11/2014 16:49

I couldn't wait to get away. I now live 11,000 km from the UK.

CattyCatCat · 28/11/2014 16:50

Yabu. Most young professionals have to move away due to the nature of their chosen career paths. University cuts the apron strings and from there you go where life takes you. Of course, not everyone pursues a career or a uni education, I understand.

strongandlong · 28/11/2014 16:55

I'd love to live where I grew up (London zone 2), but in the absence of a lottery win, it's not going to happen.

windymila · 28/11/2014 17:10

I think it definitely depends on the situation.

I love where I grew up and have just bought a house not far away. However, I see my parents once a fortnight and it is purely a bonus to me that they are close by. I have a great job and the nearest university does the course my partner is studying but I wouldn't hesistate to move if this wasn't the case.

However, I know someone who also recently bought a house close to her parents, and her mum is there ALL the time, cleaning and doing laundry and generally fussing. Personally I don't think that is a healthy situation bites tongue

Blueteas · 28/11/2014 17:16

I'm fascinated by this. I'm not from the UK originally, left home to go to university, lived in several different countries before coming here for a postgraduate degree, after which I lived in London and Ireland, and now rural England. Unsurprisingly, I have friends from all over the place, who are often now living in different countries or continents from where they grew up.

Only since living in this village have I encountered an entire population of people who either never left, or moved back when they married and had children to be close to family. I have literally met about two other people who don't have family on at least one side within five miles, and often both. I find it really exotic and strange -I can't imagine doing it myself, although I know that having a small child would be a far less isolating experience if we lived closer to family.

I had never considered my life in any way unusual - I grew up in a time and place where we all expected to emigrate, and my three siblings and I have at various points lived in four countries on three different continents - but it's considered very eccentric here. I've had quite a few remarks about my child growing up in an 'unusual situation'.

Blueteas · 28/11/2014 17:20

Oh, windy, you've reminded me of another thing I was going to say - our neighbours, a married couple who have three school age children, have four grandparents who live nearby and who appear to spend large portions of the day at their house doing laundry, DIY, grass cutting, dog walking, accepting shopping deliveries, picking the children up from school and dropping them to after school activities. It's lovely that they help out, but when we moved here first and I was at home a lot with a baby, I was very taken aback at all the cars parked on the lane and how much time four retired people spent doing chores for their children. Again, very exotic to a couple like hs whose entire families have to fly to see us!

iliketea · 28/11/2014 17:25

I was the only one of my siblings and cousins who moved away (for work after university). After nearly 20 years away, with my parents getting older, and living in a place where most people either are transient or have lived here most of their lives, I have a hankering to move back "home" again. I think it's been great to live far away / live my own life, but it has been difficult to make really good friends - you know the type you can call if you are in a tricky situation and need urgent help. If I lived close to family, I could call one of them and get help. Also, it now means that when I do go home, I never really feel that I fit in as I miss a lot of the impromtu, pop round for a cuppa type social events. If I had my way again, I'd have stayed where I was as the the chance of going back "home" are slim to none at the moment.

Bittersweetmammaries · 28/11/2014 17:28

So according to this thread I am unadventurous and weird as I live 3 doors away from my parents in the same street I have always lived in. I have a great relationship with my parents. They happily look after my child so I can work part time (I don't want to work full time again yet) in a job that I love. There is rarely any trouble around here and I have known most of my neighbours since being a child. We all look out for one another and keep an eye out when the kids are playing outside. I had a happy childhood and I want my children to have the same upbringing. I can't be the only one around here, as whenever a house comes up for sale it tends to be my neighbours children that buy them.

I don't know why that makes me weird, unadventurous or untraveled. We try to explore as many new places as possible. I don't see why we should move somewhere else when we are perfectly happy just because I've lived here my entire life.

harverina · 28/11/2014 17:28

I lived in the same village for the first 30 years of my life! I took the huge step of moving a whole 3 miles away 2 years ago

I like the area where I was brought up. It is nice with good schools. I have family locally and friends.

But I could function just fine if we chose to move away. Right now I just don't want to. Having my family nearby is important to me as we are close. Plus the dd's get to spend time with them more too.

I don't think we are strange in any way!!

thatsentertainment · 28/11/2014 17:31

An acquaintance of mine bought her first house right next door to her parents when she got married. She stayed there for about fifteen years. Was very surprised to hear that she moved out last year. Since heard that her parents are now buying a house a few doors down! Very weird.

PrincessOfChina · 28/11/2014 17:35

It really depends. If you grew up in a lively, convenient City suburb or perhaps a beautiful country village then fine as long as you can work in your chosen career.

What I do think is weird is when people wont ever consider moving out of a shitty pit village that is inconveniently located, has no local employment (since the pit shut in 1986) and has terrible schools. No amount of amazing family could make me stay there and I'm happy to admit I judge those who do.

CrimboHornedSnowflake · 28/11/2014 17:36

If we could afford it I'd love to live nearer to my parents and where I grew up. We live quite near my ILs so do have family near but I miss my home county lots.

Sadly it's in the SE and we just cannot afford to move there, maybe one day but right now we can't.

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