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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell her to back off?

39 replies

HonestLie · 27/11/2014 19:23

There are 3 parents in my office - all 3 of us have opted for our children to have previously had the MMR vaccine and 2 of us have children who are due for their booster (me and another).

During a break this week the topic came up and the discussion was if any of the kids had a reaction (temperature, sickness, tiredness) first time round.

Our manager over heard and launched into the MMR/Autism argument. We (three parents) listened to what she had to say stated our own opinions and left it at that. The following day our manager brought it up again and again went down the route of MMR/Autism. My colleague was visibly upset as one of her children is autistic, she doesn't believe it had anything to do with the vaccine and after careful consideration opted for her second child to receive the vaccine. Her second has shown no signs of being on the spectrum and now that her third is due she has opted to have him vaccinated also. The manager was like a dog with a bone and heavily implied that in opting in for the vaccine she aligns the decision with child abuse Hmm. Now whilst myself and one colleague were able to just roll our eyes understandably the other who's first child does have autism was really upset although didn't actually tell our manager this.

Since this the manager has apparently (I have been out of the office so not party to the conversations) brought it up several more times and posted several links on FB against the MMR vaccine and I'm seriously considering having a word if she brings it up in my presence again since my colleague feels unable to do so.

WIBU or unwise for me to do so or since she feels it is her given right to judge and criticise our decisions and quite frankly is like a dog with a bloody bone would it be perfectly reasonable to call her out in front of others if she brings it up in front of others again?

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Discopanda · 27/11/2014 20:20

I also thought the whole MMR/autism link had been discredited due to no direct links and not enough evidence? I think not vaccinating is more like neglect, the MMR prevents illnesses that can cause long term consequences including blindness and even death. Oh yeah and thanks to anti-vaxers many diseases are making a come back.

ThisFenceIsComfy · 27/11/2014 20:22

Continuing any kind of discussion with this manager about the MMR is inadvisable at this point though.

gobbynorthernbird · 27/11/2014 20:24

My DGM caught rubella while pregnant with twins. One lived for a couple of days, the other died at five after a lifetime of serious mental and physical disability. I have a step son on the autistic spectrum. I know which I'd rather.

gobbynorthernbird · 27/11/2014 20:25

I should add, I don't believe for a second that MMR causes autism, but even if there were a slim chance it's a risk worth taking.

MehsMum · 27/11/2014 20:30

You could all club together to buy her a copy of Ben Goldacre's 'Bad Science' for Christmas. He politely puts the boot into the whole MMR debate (and has a go at homeopathy and various things as well). Very readable: I think you'd enjoy it!

HonestLie · 27/11/2014 20:38

Mehs I have her in the secret Santa. I think you've just found my gift for her!

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addictedtobass · 27/11/2014 20:54

1 paper by someone who was discredited for unethical and incorrect work. Thousands of papers, research and testing to discredit the paper. Yet still people believe the lie.

Put your complaint in writing. Add the evidence if you want but make it clear the complaint is about her attitude and accusations.

HonestLie · 27/11/2014 21:31

Think I may just do that

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Icimoi · 27/11/2014 21:43

The link has very definitely been discredited. Have a look at this or just google something like Wakefield MMR.

passthedouche · 27/11/2014 21:48

I am very anti-vax, and I do believe there is a link between autism and MMR, but this women is being totally U. Considering your colleague has a child with autism, and the fact this is a controversial subject, that kind of 'debate' shouldn't be discussed at all except for with her close family and friends if she wanted to. Your manager has crossed a massive line IMO. But, unlike others, I don't think that is because of her views on the debate but the fact she is debating at all with your colleague. It is just really inappropriate.

I have a child with austim and although I believe MMR had something to do with it I would be very miffed if my manager starting banging on about it (even if she agreed with me). It is a sensitive subject to say the least.

SoftStarsShine · 27/11/2014 22:21

YANBU
A member of my family had measles when they were a child, spent 3 weeks in hospital and very nearly died. To me, the fact that the MMR saves lives far outweighs a discredited link with autism. If she were my boss and she continued to go on about this I would tell her what I though, very bluntly.

HonestLie · 27/11/2014 22:22

I agree it's a sensitive subject and I think any subject of this nature shouldn't really be up for debate unless all parties are willing participants in such a debate. I apologise for some of the dismissive comments I have made given your stance. I have an opinion and I respect others 100% however, I do not think that opinions of either side should be forced upon another.

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becominglessofalurker · 27/11/2014 22:24

Has anyone told her the Dr. who first suggested the link between MMR nd autism was proved soo wrong he was struck off

HonestLie · 27/11/2014 22:32

Yep, it made zero difference though.

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