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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think friends boyfriend came across as rude?

39 replies

RoseCavallari · 27/11/2014 12:16

So it was my friends birthday on Saturday and a group of them were going out for drinks in bars around the city.

I already had plans that night but said I would meet them after. Friend text to say which bar they were in, I got there earlier than them and went to the restroom, as I was coming out I bumped into her newish partner (7 months) and said hi, how are you? Wheres Jane? he pointed to the bar and we walked over, massive queue so I waited for her to get served.

So it was just me stood with her partner, so I thought I should at least attempt to talk to him, so I said well its really nice to see you again. And he just nodded, no word back at all..... then he walked off.

Apparently he is extremely shy but doesn't have any sn. Now I'm a shy person but I think I could have uttered back - nice to see you too, or thanks. Throughout our whole exchange he said nothing. Aibu to think this came across as rude?

OP posts:

daisychain01 · 27/11/2014 14:57

Difficult to do anything other than make assumptions which could be unfair - as I don't know the person. On the surface, yes he sounds like he lacks social skills.

Some people have their faces in social meeeja so much, they find it difficult to interact with real humans. Maybe he's one of those, unable to cope with the social niceties of life. At least he isn't your BF!

smokinggnu · 27/11/2014 14:58

Friends H really is a very introverted person (various social issues). It's taken him over 2 years to sit and join in conversations between friend and I. He works in customer support. It's made him even more wary I'd say.
He likes being at necessary social things with me because I don't fill silences with needless chat. I can go straight to a conversation of interest to him or be quiet. He really doesn't do smalltalk.

Original poster

RoseCavallari · 27/11/2014 15:01

How did you date your friend then smokinggnu?

Genuine question.

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Original poster

RoseCavallari · 27/11/2014 15:02

*How did HE sorry not you.

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Original poster

RoseCavallari · 27/11/2014 15:04

With my partner, we met at a party, exchanged numbers and the first time we spoke on the phone was for 2 hours. Not that it makes us a special couple but if we weren't able to talk it would never have progressed.

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YvesJutteau · 27/11/2014 15:17

Hmm. So, for example, whois, if you met someone deaf and found them rude when they didn't chat to you or answer your questions then that would mean that they WERE rude? Because if it's the impact that matters then that's the logical implication.

whois · 27/11/2014 15:46

YvesJutteau if then smiled at me and made an indication they couldn't hear then no, obviously not.

If they saw me speak to them, looked me in the eye and then just fucked off without even a smile then yes I would find that rude.

YvesJutteau · 27/11/2014 16:10

What if they didn't see you speak to them? You could still assume that they were rude if you didn't know that they were deaf (yes, I'm being awkward -- but this "intent doesn't matter; if I think you're rude then you are" business is the beginning of a slippery slope IMO).

springalong · 27/11/2014 16:29

I am now of an age where I struggle to hear conversation in a pub or bar (too echoey, too loud, background music). I am not going deaf so don't want a hearing aid but sometimes do do what a pp described - smile sweetly, nod head but don't join in. Perhaps see friend and him on their own - eg walk or museum. See how you get on with an activity to share.

TheChandler · 27/11/2014 17:42

My guess, and it is only a guess, would be that he is one of those stupid blokes that thinks every woman fancies him and that by speaking to you without his girlfriend there means that he would be doing something wrong.

Either that or he just has no social skills.

burgundytartan · 27/11/2014 18:21

Yes, I agree this was rude.

He could have said exactly the same things but smiled and looked happy!

Jennco · 27/11/2014 18:23

Is it usual to have to explain and defend your reasons for posting?

Totally in AIBU, not so much elsewhere,

I think he was nervous to the point of rudeness, I can chat to collegues all about me when I am walking around doing my job, but in the staffroom, I freeze and retreat into myself, give me a few months though .... :)

XiCi · 27/11/2014 18:36

My thoughts were the same as Chandler's

He probably thought you were coming on to him and that 'Its lovely to see you again' was your opening gambit, hence the quick exit

Original poster

RoseCavallari · 27/11/2014 18:54

Blurgh I hope he doesn't think that. I'm sure he's lovely to my friend, but there is zero attraction for me (most definitely for him too)

I just genuinely think it was so rude, how hard is it to say - thanks ... and then walk away.

Honestly I've been the shy person and if I got £1 for every time someone said "oooh you're quiet aren't you" i'd be ballin. But I push myself to at least be friendly with people.

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