To challenge an aquaintance on bullying

[atypicalwotsit]

To cut a long story short one of the NCT mums has a dd that goes to the same school as my dd. The girls are in year 1 and hang around in a little group of six girls. We often have play dates. There is some in fighting but generally they get along.

A new girl has started the class and she has been labelled a bully by a couple of the mums in the group, one of the mums being by nct friend. The new girl has pushed and kicked several of the kids, including my dd. When my dd has told me this she says it in a matter of fact way. I tell her this behaviour is wrong but also try to see if my dd provoked her.

At a recent halloween party I saw my dd and this girl playing roughly but enjoying themselves. There wasn't any worrying behaviour. I also noted when the new girl tried to play with other girls they ostracised her, 'you are naughty! You can't play with us,' and she lashed out at them.

Now the nct mum I am close to, a lovely lady, is complaining to the teacher about new girl bullying her child. New girl has been uninvited to a party. There are lots of gossip between the mums about there being problems at new girls home as the reason for her bad behaviour. We don't know this, its just guesses.

To be honest I feel sick of it. Yes the new girl does hit and push and I am concerned but I don't think our dds are blameless. I think our dds are being provocative mean girls at times and prissy. I mentioned this and got a few retorts, like if my own dd was being bullied more like nct mum's dd I would be kicking up a fuss.

To be honest one of the other mums complaining about new girl has a ds who is a bully but no one says anything to her and she's made the most complaints.

Sorry for rant but it kept me awake last night.

So the questions are:
Am I minimising new girls behaving and defending her over my dd and her friends?
Should I be more supportive to nct mum who I've been friends with for ages?
What should I do? Butt out or challenge this?

Thanks

Silinasupreme bless you, how awful. Some parents can be absolute shits, nowonder their children turn out the same. I would distance myself greatly from these nasty cliquey school girls. The poor girl she is only little, and is being bullied by the adults and children

No Selina. I agree with Atypical. It does not sound silly at all. That women was very cruel and she set a very bad example to her child that's fine to leave someone out.

My daughter was the only one not invited to a party out the girls in her class, now I don't want to pull the it must be because I'm an unmarried mother card, but it's strange that all the other girls came from 2.4 families
I went nuclear of course I did. I had every right to. Show me a mother that wouldn't.
And this nasty bullying clique twat and I'll call her that because that's what she is, actually had the fucking cheek to try to talk to me afterwards.
Sorry for the language.
I just hate children being singled out and not just my own any child.

God they all sound like really horrible women.

You sound very nice, clique sound horrible. You are handling it very well and your DD will learn from you.

New girl is now only one not invited to party. When I told mums this wasn't on they said maybe this will prompt new girls mum to address behaviour issues

iliveinalighthousewiththeghost I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter. Being a child that wasn't always invited I do know how hurtful it is.

OP that reaction says it all really! You do sound lovely and you don't need this negativity in your life.

That's is so shitty. I can't believe how mean people can be. Are you really the only person who feels sorry for the little girl? Are all the clique so nasty or is it driven by one bitch?

To be honest its two. The rest of mums don't say anything.

Op they sound like nasty and spiteful school girls. Good on you for standing up for that little girl and her poor mum . Have they not considered their little darlings might be responsible for this little girl lashing out. I don't know, but I wouldn't go to that party, knowing one little girl is left out, I just coulden't, I would tell party mum that!

Your dd will make other friends, I would not like her associating with girls like that and their parents with no morals. Its bullying, the bullied girls mum sounds worn out poor thing.

Thankyou for your kind words, Angel.
Good Idea Aero about everyone boycotting the party, perhaps this clique bullying bitch needs to taste her own medicine, but then it;s the child that would be hurt and it's not her fault her mother's a bitch.

Exactly, this party with all class invited except for the girl, is bullying. If op goes to it, it supports that. Op should tell the teacher about the whole class party organised by this mum, and the girl being left out. Its bullying. The feeling that the girl is going to have when she discovers she is the only one not invited will probably carry on through the rest of her life, as some posters have on here. The class will be talking about it, excited, and this poor girl hearing that . Op please tell the teacher.

Yes I have been bullied, I was developmentally delayed, slow, odd, and dident get invited to parties, and all the popular kids did

There is a girl who started dd's school mid year. The other girls don't seem to like her, neither do other parents. I think it's a combination of things that have led to this. She had some quite odd behaviour and could be a bit bossy/bolshy/over the top. I later found out she'd had a very difficult start in life.

It was more by chance really but because we bumped into her and her mum in the holidays her mum asked if dd could come round to play. Dd was a bit reluctant but went and had a good time. They've since had regular playdates. I wouldn't say they'll ever be best friends, they're very different. But they find a level to get on at.

The other girls in dd's class gave dd some stick about this. Why do you like her? She's not coming to your party is she? DD just tells them she's ok you know, you should get to know her.

It was getting quite appalling at one point, with the entire class having made up a nickname for her and not wanting to sit next to her. I've already seen a change in attitude from one of dd's closer friends who now is more accepting of her.

So my advice would be you can't change what other people do. But you can make efforts to include her. You could invite her round to play, invite her to your dd's party. Because I think all it takes is for one or two to accept them and others start changing their attitude.

What I really hadn't registered was how isolated her mum was with people not including her dd.

I would let the teacher handle it. You haven't seen the lead up to this perhaps the other girls are fed up of being pushed and hit so they don't want to play with her anymore. there is a little girl in my dds class who has hit out at others since preschool but this year for the first time at age 7/8 the kids are speaking out about it and at times yes she does get left out because they are fed up of her behaviour.

Mommy2ash that does not excuse the mums spreading melicious gossip about the girl. Op has admitted her 'friends' dd were a cause for concern, pand that they can be prissy. Tge mums are prob ably trying to detract from their dd behaviour. Tge girl in the op is new. No excuse leaving 1 out of a party. Self fulfilling proficy, if you keep getting told your bad and naughty that's what will happen. Op is concerned about it, and it's good she making a stand. Yes she should inform the teacher.

'Friends' dd behaviour I meant

Their dd are no Angels, op has said tgat they have had behavioural issues in the past, looking fir a scapegoat to detract possibly. Which is probably thus little girl, whilst spreading melicious gossip about her.

And the girls can be provocative and mean