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AIBU?

AIBU and a party pooper to "ruin" a surprise party?

91 replies

notenoughwine · 26/11/2014 14:32

I think I may already know the answer to this, and I may come off like a humourless prude but here goes...

My mum, my aunt and a few of their friends are throwing a surprise party for their friend who is turning 60 on Friday. They've know her their whole lives, and she was like an aunt to me when I was growing up.

I've known about and been invited to the party for weeks now but last night I was very surprised to find out that it was going to be an Ann summers night and that they had booked a male stripper. I'm definitely not a prude and I've seen male strippers before, but I really don't think that this is the kind of party she would want. She's never been married and as long as I've been alive she's never had any boyfriend that I know of. She is very quiet and shy, a really lovely woman.

When I raised these concerns to my mum and aunt they kind of laughed it off and told me I was being silly. They obviously know her better than me but I just don't think that this is want she would want. Also given the fact that the strippers I've seen in the past tend to pick on the birthday girl or the hen I'm kind of worried about how she would react to that.

I'm a bit conflicted, do I tell her about it and ruin the surprise (and maybe the party)? Do I gently try to feel her out to see what her feelings are? Do I let it go ahead as planned and maybe gave a word with the guy not to embarrass her?

Please help.

OP posts:

Report

diddl · 29/11/2014 08:58

What a relief!

You put "she took it in her stride"

So does that mean she put up with it & went along for fear of spoiling it for others/being told she was no fun?

Or did she really enjoy herself?

I would have hated it, but not sure if I would have had the bottle to walk out.

SirChenjin · 29/11/2014 09:09

Diddl - me too . What else can you do in a situation like this (if it's your idea of hell) other than fix a wide grin on your face and tell the organisers you've had a wonderful time?

SolidGoldBrass · 29/11/2014 09:12

I see some of you are still determined to look for reasons to spoil other people's fun.

SirChenjin · 29/11/2014 09:18

I see some of you are still determined to make spurious accusations.

MorelliOrRanger · 29/11/2014 09:26

I would tell my mother that I thought it such a crap idea that I wouldn't be going

This.

daisychain01 · 29/11/2014 09:39

Having studied the ethics of psychology, this surprise goes against everything that is decent, and your DM and aunt thinking they have a right to do what they want is even more disturbing.

It goes against the friend's right to consent to this Ann Summers "joke" (bloody hideous sexist crap), and to not be submitted to feelings of embarrassment and shame, the ability to walk away without having to explain. She will be pushed into a corner and unable to have a get-out. And likely will feel obliged to get into the spirit of it. Maybe she will never admit to it, but the risk is there.

I would tell her and both of you head out that night for a nice meal, leave the rest of them to it.

SirChenjin · 29/11/2014 09:42

daisy - the party has already taken place

daisychain01 · 29/11/2014 09:44

Looks like I missed the update but my thoughts still apply!

daisychain01 · 29/11/2014 09:45

Thanks SirChenjin a bit behind the curve aren't I!

SirChenjin · 29/11/2014 09:46

Fwiw - I completely agree with your thoughts on the whole event, but fortunately it worked out OK - either that or the Aunt put on a very brave face!

daisychain01 · 29/11/2014 09:49

SGB being an anti ageist myself I agree with you that it isn't about the fact the friend is 60 but I find Ann a Summers akin to Page 3! Both equally vile and not "fun". Equally the Chippendales were just as ghastly and shallow.

daisychain01 · 29/11/2014 10:15

Indeed SirChenjin, it worked out OK in the end, then again people who ran those kinds of Psychology studies in the past minimised the effects of embarrassment and shame. We know a lot more now Unfortunately those lessons aren't always known widely and applied in RL.

Glad you had a good evening OP, you did well to look out for your friend!

LineRunner · 29/11/2014 10:20

I wonder if over the next few weeks the friend will admit to feeling obliged to 'get into the spirit of it'?

notenoughwine · 29/11/2014 11:23

When I say "took it in stride" diddl what I meant was she didn't have the reaction I feared she would have. She seemed quite relaxed and I think she genuinely enjoyed herself and wasn't just going along with it for anyone elses sake.

I've got to say though I had no idea people were so vehemently against this type of thing, this thread has really opened my eyes. I agree that it's a bit "tacky" but surely that's all part of the fun. I certainly don't see anything "sexist" about it though.

OP posts:

diddl · 29/11/2014 11:43

Oh that's good then.

Well I'm opposed to it for me.

I wouldn't like it to happen to me & tbh I'd hope that someone would warn me so that I wouldn't have to choose between walking out/grin & bear it.

Likewise I probably wouldn't want to go to something like this at all, & def not with my mum/aunt.

Glad it went ok for your mum's friend, though.

SirChenjin · 29/11/2014 12:02

Me neither. Fun for me is not giggling over vibrators with my friends and family, or watching a complete stranger get his todger out - I'd be reaching for the brain bleach forever more and would be gutted if my family had organised this for my birthday.

Fortunately for Ann Summers and the stripping industry not everyone thinks like me though

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