aibu to not want my baby doing formal learning at 3 years old?

[minidisco]

My in-laws all privately educate their children, have all been privately educated themselves, and are very academically focused. My son (my husbands step son) is in secondary education at a state school, and is not academic at all. I went to state schools, and did all of my further education as a mature student.

My in laws, plus my husband, are very keen for my daughter with my husband (1 year old), to be privately educated. I am personally quite uncomfortable with the whole idea of private education, but I can also see some positives, such as small class numbers, better grades etc. I have agreed to consider sending her, but I am extremely uncomfortable with the idea of pre-school, whereby she will only be 3 years old and being taught in a formal setting.

Therefore, aibu to keep her in her partime private day nursery 3 days per week, where she will be doing informal learning in a relaxed environment, until she is reception age? My husband and in-laws all thing this is ridiculous, and that I will be hindering her future learning .

I feel really uncomfortable with the idea of such young children being taught formally, and think that as she will be in education for such a long time that I want her to enjoy her early years in a relaxed and fun setting.

I started school when I was two and 10 months (Kindergarden) I then went into P1 when I was 3 and 10 months. I am not scarred by the memories. I read very young, got goodish exam results have a degree and a Masters.

A quick google suggests that independent schools do not have to follow the EYFS, and if they exempt themselves the free hours cannot be used.

One of my DD went to a preprep before school, it seemed more formal than pre-schools, but wasn't really. The homework was minimal. It didn't give her any real advantages, and she went on to a state infant school.

I do find it faintly amusing that some friends having decided to go down the private school route believe sending their DC to this pre-prep gives them advantages. In my experience what they do at that age (as long as they have an involved family) makes no longer term difference.

Wolfbasher, that preschool sounds fun!

If they're not paying for it, then they really don't get a say, I'd say. I empathize-my mother constantly asks me if I'm putting DD in private school, or failing that, Catholic school, because she thinks they're superior. We're doing neither, and gently remind her that since it's our money and choice, she doesn't get any say.

YANBU The pre-school sounds awful! Obviously it may suit some children/families but it doesn't sound like much fun for the children to me. If she's happy in the nursery she currently attends then I would agree with you that it seems unfair to move her to another one. There have been lots of studies on formal learning, and most experts seem to agree that starting early doesn't help in the long term and can stop children developing important skills that are learned through play.

My only caveat would be if she's very advanced academically and would be nearly 5 when she starts primary. I suppose in those circumstances you may feel she's ready for more formal learning in the year before school. Is there room for a compromise where she attends that preschool but only for 15hrs? Then she'd have the benefit of getting to know the children she may be going to school with but without the negative aspect of long days and homework (can't see how homework would really be enforced, couldn't you just opt out of it?) However, if you're not sure about sending her to private school anyway then there's not much point in moving her..

Well my D started private school at 2 months shy of her 3rd birthday. She started full-time 2 months shy of her 4th birthday.

They did French by singing and playing with puppets. They did science by spending full days outside getting filthy.

I would say only do what you're happy with, but its worth going for a look around and see what you think? Then if its not for your child its far easier to explain to the PILs

I agree that if she seems super clever then I would consider it, but at this stage she has only just turned one, and hasn't even started her normal nursery yet, as I don't go back to work until after Christmas! It just seems so over the top to be feeling pressurised into making decisions regarding her schooling when she is so young! But then I dont think over achieving is the most important thing in life!

Preschool is another name for nursery (or playgroup) - it isn't something different and more formal. I think you're drawing a distinction which isn't there. OFSTED would throw a fit if they inspected somewhere that did formal education for three year olds - what does their report say?

If you have seen the pre school and don't like it then that's your prerogative.

However, don't write off all private preschools on the basis on that one. They come in all shapes and sizes - there's surely a middle ground, which would be a private school that you liked.

By all means send her to private school. Just not this particular private school as their approach to early years education sounds nuts.

This is completely by the by, but one thing I really hate to see is tiny children in full formal uniform (I.e. blazers, ties, caps, hats, shorts, etc). It's so entirely about the adult desire to communicate prestige, while completely disregarding the child's need for comfort and freedom.

minidisco I can relate to your post completely, my dd is 3 now and I just finished relinquishing the 3 different places we had reserved for her at some fantastic private pre-preps when she was around 18 months, in my area if you want a place at these schools you have to book it years ahead. In the end, after much agonising about whether we were doing the right thing, we have decided to send her to the local preschool (state) which is literally a street away from our house and we hope she will go on to do her primary there too.

One major issue I had was that I talked about my dd only doing 2-3 days a week and was told that was fine to start but that I would be encourage to send her in full time fairly quickly as otherwise she would fall behind. One particular head teacher was telling me how 100% of their pupils aged 4-5 can read at level one and that many of these pupils had or would progress to level 2 by the end of preschool before starting reception. They offered 2 foreign language classes, formal music lesson (as in an actual instrument) and so on so forth. She was saying it like it was a good thing but for me it put me off a little. I know my dd is an intellectual genius of course but really I just want her to be happy and enjoy going to school even if it means she won't read to level 2 until later!

As it is my dd will be doing to half days from January and probably 2 full days from September (autumn baby so 2 years of preschool here) and I'm much happier with this even if we have probably lost our chance of dd going to these preprep even from reception as I was told that the next point of entry would be the prep school at 7-8 and that it wasn't guaranteed there would be spaces left after the pre-prep pupils moved up and again waiting lists are long and you have to be quick to get near the top. In many ways I think my dd will do better at the local state school than she would in a more stressful private setting as that is her personality.

It's not been an easy decision for me though as I worried I was robbing her of her chance to have great academic achievements but actually I don't think that will be the case. We are in a good catchment area for three wonderful state schools and have a good chance of getting her in one of these so that is what we are going for.

I agree with yours that maybe your compromise here is to find a private school that you like the ethos of, then you and DH are both happy with it.

They have their entire life to be ground down by the government education system. No need to start it early.

Kids learn best by interacting with the world at this age. You want your three year to learn new things, take him out to educational places like museums and the zoo.

Not all independent schools are hothouses like the ones Build describes. DS's school is positively a hippy commune- far less target driven that state schools have to be these days.

Just one more thing to add I don't think all private schools are like this, it's just happens that the three near me offered a much more formal school day than I was happy for my dd when she is aged 3-5. We are still very much considering another prep school in our area. They only take children from 7-8 and offer no early years schooling at all. So this is something we will consider after dd has been at the local state school for a few years.

Clearly my reading comprehensions sucks.

Your child is one..and a her. This is far, far too early to be thinking about any sort of schooling.

If at 3 it seems like more formal schooling would benefit her, take it from there. But for now, their current abilities at 1 year old don't mean anything long term.

I'm an xbridge grad with some background in education and psychology. My daughter seems reasonably bright and I would run like the wind from a preschool setting that had them sat at desks doing worksheets.

There's so many fun ways to learn I'd worry about the quality of the staff and their knowledge of child development, educational theory etc.

Quiero - before you start ripping other people's comments to shreds and asking if they've read the thread (yes, actually ), why not take a little more care not to misquote? Where did I ever say private education was better? I didn't!!! But thanks for the bitchy telling off anyway...