To not understand how co sleepers manage to get a proper nights sleep?

[Fixerupperz]

I had dd2 in our bed last night as she wouldn't sete and kept waking every so often to check she was ok.... how do you all manage it without worrying they will roll out of the bed etc?

busty that's what we reasoned. In fact, co sleeping came about because DD wouldn't settle and DH bought her into bed as he was too tired to pace with her any more. I was still recovering from a c section so couldn't do much. Anyway, we woke 4 hours later, in a panic because we thought something had happened to her, it was the longest stretch of sleep we'd had since she was born (this happened when she was about 2 weeks old).

I still shudder when I think of how we both managed to fall asleep like that with DD in the bed, surrounded by pillows and duvets. We decided that if that's how DD liked to sleep, we'd plan around co sleeping from then on as it is far safer than accidental co sleeping.

My son is 14 months and has co-slept with me on and off since he was born. When he was really small, I would put him by the top of the bed and I would sleep lower. He would have no covers or pillows and we always slept fine. Now he is older, there are less safety risks and he will sleep next to me or on me! He is not a fidget to be fair, he does sometimes like to sleep on my arm which can be uncomfortable but I really like co-sleeping.

DD is 5.5 years and has co-slept with us for all but 5 nights in her life.

It was the only way we got any sleep in the early days. King-size bed, DH had one side, DD and I had the other and I had a mesh bed guard up.

Never had a single night of disturbed sleep - she never cried as she didn't have to. I was there next to her and as she was breast-fed till she was 3.5 years, she just helped herself.

She is very small and doesn't move much. She's also a very quiet breather. Another reason for having her with us. She was such a silent breather that I was continually worried that she had stopped during the day and would wake her up to make sure.

In bed at night, I could feel her heart-beat and breathing and knew she was fine. If she was in another room I'd have been a mess checking on her every 5 minutes.

The thought of having to stagger out of bed x number of times a night to pick up a screaming baby and feed them (even worse have to make up formula while half-asleep) and then get them back to sleep just sounds hideously exhausting.

I co-slept with both of mine in spare bed from a few weeks old (they went into a Moses basket initially but rapidly outgrew it as were both big babies).
Bed guards along one side, cot sheets on baby, single duvet on me. Felt instinctively right to do this, also pragmatic as both had mega cluster feeding habits each evening. But I suppose I may have done things differently If hey weren't such big babies or had different feeding habits.
Was still exhausted during those early months but not as bad as it could have been.
Just do whatever you need to get you through- everyone's situation is unique!

I coslept with mine when they were little. On the 'breastfeeding frenzy' nights, I definitely got more (i.e. some!) sleep than I would have done had we not coslept.

As a longer term option, though, I agree with the OP. For me, co sleeping was the preferred option when the alternative was no sleep at all. Most of the time though I much preferred having them in their own basket/cot and getting out of bed to feed them. Reason being that I never slept well whilst cosleeping. I move around a lot in my sleep (ie sleep on my back for a while, then move onto one side, then the other, etc etc) which you can't do when cosleeping. You have to lie still. And having to lie still on one side all night to ensure baby slept safely was something I found very uncomfortable. I used to wake up feeling exhausted and stiff. Awful. Some mornings I would actually feel like I'd done myself damage!

By the time DS3 was 4/5 months I found that I got much, much better quality sleep if I put him in his own cot, and went to his room to feed him. He might wake 2/3 times, but feeds would be 10 mins max, and I would fall back to sleep straight after and have bursts of good, comfy sleep. If we coslept I might sleep for longer, and not have to physically get up, but the quality of sleep was appalling.

I think a lot depends on how you sleep as an individual tbh. I could never have been a long term cosleeper.

co sleeper cot, best thing ever, all pros of co sleeping no cons.

Yep - you need some way of preventing them rolling off. Which means in practice a bed guard or bedside cot, because an adult bed against a wall has a gap which can be lethal if they get caught between the bed and the wall, and they're only little.

You (should!) find that you will naturally go into a "C" shape around them, with your arm stopping them wriggling upwards and one knee stopping them wriggling downwards. I also used to sometimes put DS in the middle between me and XP but you're not really supposed to do this as the dad apparently doesn't have the same awareness.

I don't think boob size matters. Mine are so small that I barely ever wear a bra (and subsequently look like a boy) and I still managed to feed lying down. It's just in the technique!

I do definitely get the stiffness thing - I used to get that really badly and got a particular pain in my left hip, which now I think about it, never fully went away. But once DS was a couple of months old I used to push him into the bedside cot after the first feed and then I could snuggle, roll over, fidget, etc. When he had his own space, I got good quality sleep definitely.

I don't think I could have slept even with baby in the same room as me (my kids predate the strong advice that you share a room with baby for six months).

But then mine slept for relatively long periods in a cot right from the start, wouldn't sleep while being held anyway, and slept through the night from 8 weeks or so, so I wasn't that exhausted for that long.

I genuinely have no idea whether they slept well on their own because I never coslept, or whether I never got desperate enough to cosleep because they always slept well on their own. I'm inclined to think I just got lucky.

Interesting someone saying that you need to be well endowed to breastfeed lying down. I never figured it out despite bfing DD for six months, and I'm very much not large.

BertieBotts - the pain and stiffness I was getting was all due to one muscle that spasms deep in the buttock - apparently really common with bed sharers - with me it was hip and lower back pain, but basically if you bend your leg up and dig around in the buttock near the hip socket - if you touch a place that feels odd or makes you go ooh, then that's it! Massage with the heel of your hand for a few nights, (or get your other half to) and it should cure it :)

It's not a muscle pain for me, it's a joint thing, right in the hip itself. I've had trouble with that hip for at least 18 years so it probably just aggravated it more than anything - DS is 6 now so not a recent problem! :) I should probably see a doctor about it really but never know what to say.

Bed guard, and no pillow/cover near DD.

She sleeps for about 3 hours max, grizzles, gets a feed, sleeps another 3 hours etc!

I have come up to bed with her every single night since she was born and stayed up here every single night since! 19 months & counting

Im a lone parent, totally knackered from DD & my job, so I actually enjoy going to bed at 7pm, ( I lay up here & watch t.v, mumsnet read educational books with a hot choc.

You definitely don't need to be well endowed to breast feed lying down!

I managed it with all three of mine. And I am the opposite of well endowed (barely big enough for a B cup even at height of breastfeeding).

I get a better night's sleep with my 8 year old hot water bottle than alone ;). Just keep on, it'll get better.

(Bertie - it felt like joint pain to me as well - had it 3 years before I thought to see someone about it - fixed in 3 days. Presented as lower back and hip pain - thought it was arthritis kicking in!)

We only co-slept when they were babies. Wouldn't like to try it with a 3-year-old and a 7-year-old!

Currently lying down feeding dd2 while typing. Although I am fairly large of chest but it's definitely a knack!

Nope, not well endowed here either. There's a knack to feeding lying down.

I couldn't not co-sleep. Felt right and natural. Did it from birth and still do now with my youngest who is 3yo.

I have co slept for a year now, can't imagine how much harder it would have been to not do so. I also, like pp, breastfeed and it makes it so easy as well as the loveliness of being by my daughter all night

Fell into co-sleeping by accident, because following C-S I couldn't get in and out of our bed holding DD.

She has never cried at night, and several times latched herself on without waking me at all. (I did laugh when she'd managed to feed through my nightdress).

Like a pp said, I like to check she's breathing if I wake up.

Huh, interesting Busty. I'll have a try! Thanks :)

I didn't start co-sleeping until DS was 4 months and that was whilst we were away for the week and there was no travel cot.

Since then it became a regular-ish thing and we probably co-sleep about 3 times a week.

I rearranged the bedroom so 'his' side of the bed was against a wall so he can't roll out.

When we co-sleep he sleeps really well. If I feel or hear him start to stir I can usually settle him again within 30 seconds by just rubbing his back, holding his hand of stroking his head. If I think it's hunger that's stirring him I just pull him over to me, latch him on so he can feed and he practically stays asleep whilst doing it. Both those reasons make for quieter nights as it means his needs are addressed before a melt down occurs in the cot.

He's currently 8 months old.