To be afraid to leave the house with my hideously heaved dd

[Kab13]

She's 2 in feb. She's amazing in many ways, she loves people she knows and has many lovely traits.
But like every other child or human being she has some negative points!
She has the most explosive temper ever, the moment she thinks something isn't going her way she lashes out at anyone who's near her, including other children (even of they have nothing to do with what she's upset about) she hits, repeatedly and when you pick her up to remove her from the other children she slaps me in the fave with both hands whilst screaming and pulling herself to the floor.
The moment we go anywhere she does this on purpose for a reaction, attention seeking is normal I know but she is continuous!
Other mums are just starring at me thinking just what I thought before I had a child "she must be parenting wrong" I stay calm, I repeat myself when needed and watch her 24/7 to make sure she doesn't lash out at another child but she managed it from time to time and the tantrum in the middle of the play area is sooooo embarrassing.
I just don't want to take her out anymore, she is horrible unless she is getting her way entirely or sat infront of fucking ice age which I HATE doing.
I want her to enjoy life, enjoy other children and various experiences but it's just not possible with her temper.
She won't do anything for more than 5 seconds and is impossible to entertain in the house.
Honestly, she's a brat.
I love her dearly but right now I hate being a mother.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Have a big hug. Noone was agreeing with me in the way you meant I promise. We have both been there. Today is another day we are here for you

[Aeroflotgirl]

Oh op this was me with dd now 7.5 years. Though she was able to communicate a bit more, her understanding was nit good. She used to mealtdown, scream. I was limited taking her out. She had a Dx for ASD and dev delays at 6, she goes to a specialist school. The transformation was been phenomenal, she is so different. Also she is able to communicate lied her nt peers and understands the world a lot better, so her behaviour has greatly reduced. Your dd behaviour, if she has underlying SN especially Autism, like Fanjo has said, is related to her lack of communication and understanding, and sensory issues that she just cannot tell you yet. Press for a dx, and SALT intervention. Do contact portage.

[Impala77]

I don't think you're horrible at all! There are days when many of us hate being a mum. My 2 yr old also has a temper, luckily it doesn't really come out when we are out and about. She has an attention span of about 10 seconds also and flits from one thing to another. The point of this forum is in my opinion to vent and to ask for advice which is what you are doing. It's better than suffering in silence. Oh and I don't believe anybody thinks their kids are perfact all the time and have never said a bad thing about them. I've referred to my dd as a "pain in the arse" (and not in front of her, before i get jumped on) because when she's pushed me to breaking point, that's how I feel. I'm not a perfect mum and nobody else is either. Chin up and hope you get some answers soon x

[Aeroflotgirl]

Kab13 you sound like a fantastic mum, we are human beings too, unless people have been through similar they cannot understand. You are angry and tired and upset of course you come to offload which you need to. Dd head teacher in MS (who has an adult dd with ASD) said to me, dd is not naughty, she cannot help her behaviour, she is frustrated and scared, tgat is what you have to realise. When you go out especially to crowded placed, get some headphones to block out noise. They really help dd, and help her sensory issues.

[Aeroflotgirl]

When dd speech developed then her behaviour reduced. She was able to tell me that she was scared, she dident like that shop as the noise is too loud, so I could act on it. Because your dd cannot communicate yet it's harder.

[Kab13]

Has anyone ever heard of a nursery for children with asd/spd etc? Do they exist?
Dp is staying at home today with me and working from home because I'm having some sort of mummy meltdown!
Thanks for everyone's help so far.

[Kab13]

I'm a bit anxious about her going to nursery. I don't even like leaving her with my own mum because of dd's temper and upset.
Don't even know how I'm going to tell my mil that it might not be a great idea for her to take her on her own when she is back, or is it? Does going to other family members help or make it worse?

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

There are SN nurseries in some places, also you can apply for support for her in mainstream nursery, I'd ask at your next appointment with paediatrician. Or speak to Gp or health visitor. Sometimes family members can get in really well, I would give it a try but have back up options available.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

*get on

[Impala77]

My hv once told me that kids tend to save their bad behaviour for their parents as they trust them the most and know that they'll put up with it. And that's why many kids behave better for grand parents etc. I would let your mum or mum in law have her sometimes, it would give you a break and be a bit of variety for your dd. If it was too much for them they could always call you to fetch her but I suspect she'd be good as gold for them. It's frustrating when they've been a pain for you and then your mum says "good as gold all day" lol.

[bialystockandbloom]

Poor you. I've been there too, ds was dx with asd at 3.6, and around the age of 2 was horrific. Toddler groups etc were the worst, I left many in tears.

Make an appt with your GP today and push for an assessment from developmental paed team. Don't be fobbed off with 'wait and see'. Coming up to 2yo is not too early to get the ball rolling. Make a list of everything at concerns you so you don't miss anything out - communication, interaction, behaviour, lack of play, sensory etc etc.

Worth looking at More than Words (Hanen) for help with communication at this early stage.

There should be SN nurseries around you. Look up your local Contact a Family, they may have lists. Your local authority might have too. And definitely look into portage.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yes there are, but I am not sure how to access them, does anyone know?

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yes we did Hanen course accessed through our SALT it was excellent. Yes push for a dx

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Hanen book amazing. Also "the out of sync child"

[Aeroflotgirl]

I am even doung hanen on ds 2.10 who has slow speech but nothing like dd. Goes to nursery and toddler groups, loves them. A little happy chappy, but won't sit blooming still grrrrr

[Kab13]

Dd does seem to save her worst behaviour for us! As you say, it's because we are special.

I have emailed the local portage team, a rambling of my concerns and asking for help.
She has her hearing test booked in, well we think it's a hearing test! We received a letter for referral but it didn't state for what; just a time, date and where. The lovely lady at the hospital wouldn't tell us over the phone what it was for but I can only imagine it's that.
Going to get back in touch with HV again today.
Been trying lots of distraction techniques already this morning, she has just spent 5 minutes throwing plastic balls at dp for clearing up a Board game she had thrown everywhere ( just for fun) and she totally ignored/didn't hear me sayin "dd look, what has mummy got" as I played with her favourite toys and tried to hand her things.
Doesn't help that for whatever reason she doesn't respond to her name.
She is certainly strong minded.
Currently hiding in the hall way suing with the clips of dps bike helmet.
Hey she's happy?

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

What we are finding works absolute wonders with DD who is 8 but toddler like is being in charge all the time. .ie we initiate and end activities. We prepare her beforehand for going out. We use distraction. We use short bursts of activities she will like in between relaxing time. If I am needing to do something in house I get her to help even if I put her hand on the cloth to wipe table. This all seems to make her feel safe and she is like a lamb. This has been developed in conjunction with behavioural consultant. We use visuals although DD is not that strong on visuals. Photographs often better, if you can get photos of place you are going and show her in advance.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Yes if she enjoys playing with unusual things let her..it's her way of relaxing..use it to your advantage :)

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Bit embarrassed I need help to.parent my own child after 8 years but it is very hard.

[Kab13]

I am clueless to all this. Hanen? Shall take a look.
Dd can't sit still for 30 seconds.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

The theory is it will help her to know what is happening. So even if she doesn't join in all activities the fact they happen at same time every day makes her feel more secure.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

DD doesn't sit still either..I have to ffollow her around. I know she is older though. .just wanted to throw some ideas in :)

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Am off to a spa..so excited..back later.PM me any timetable

[Daydreamersea]

My DS used to hit a bit a lot after his sister was born and it was a nightmare going out with him.
My aunt who is a school counsellor had the same problem with my cousin when he was little and she suggested that yes, stay indoors for now or just around friends who would understand, which luckily they did, and it passed quickly enough and back out we went.

[Daydreamersea]

She should calm down a bit once she gets to nursery and then completely calm down once starts school.