to condider quitting over this?

[lastnightIwenttoManderley]

Not so much an AIBU as looking for traffic.. (sorry, 3am, panicking and not thinking straight)

I work in a v high pressured job where, if we do things wrong, people could be hurt (construction)

I've been working on a new project which is a significant step up for me in terms of responsibility and complexity. I've been managing a team of 8 whilst also having my own area of work. Problem is that I've been so busy sorting my team out that I've fallen behind on my own area. I'm now hard up against a deadline and I'm not sure the proposals even work. This impacts on us meeting the deadline but potentially also on other external consultants who are working in parallel.

I am absolutely ground down by it. I know I should have this conversation with my boss but she's very unapproachable. An extension to the deadline, which isn't time critical, would probably be enough to sort it.

So why do I just want to run away from it all? I feel like I've put my head above the parapet and fallen flat I've always been seen as outwardly successful and intelligent but feel like an absolute fraud. It reminds me of the whole 'fake it til you make it' think. What if you never 'make it'?

As patronizing as this sounds, you do just have to bite the bullet and raise it with your boss. I've been in this situation and its soooo tempting to procrastinate, day dream about walking out, bury your head. But face it, maybe get some crap thrown at you and then move on. Rarely is it as bad as you imagine it will be.

Think about the alternatives

• put off telling her .. even tighter up against the deadline with no option to turn it round, or tell her now and maybe she can redirect some resource your way, extend the deadlines
• run away .. then no one would actually know what has / hasn't been done, even worse situation. And depending on your industry it will be all your fault and your reputation on the line (in the chaos your boss/company will blame you, but you've run away and can't defend yourself or help sorting it)

For me I just have to dive in - do it first thing, don't sit down and wait for your team to get settled, you'll find excuses. If you can compose some options to sort it - resources, time, - go in with even a vague plan. Deal with it - then run away from somewhere quiet to process what you said, what they said and next steps.

Good luck - my heart goes out to you... its shitty feeling.

Thanks for replying :) I know that this is what I need to do,just worried about the knock on on the company's and my reputation (the latter less than the former). I know that burying my head will only make it worse its just hard when I know that this situation could ultimately mark the end of the career I've spent the past 12yrs building. DH is sympathetic but works in a very different environment (teaching) so doesn't completely understand.

Really appreciate your response, thanks.

I work in IT - people don't get hurt but with only a bit of effort I could bring down a clients entire computer system - but we do have the same pressure on deadlines and the knock on to partners. I recall a project with really similar situation - new promotion, focused on other things. Yes there was a lot of back lash - and I'm sure some of my more senior colleagues did the whole 'young woman' thing. But I felt so guilty and embarrassed I just worked like a dog to put things right - off budget and over time in the end, but ultimately right. Then I ran away.. but at least knowing I'd done all I could.
Honestly would it be the end of your career or would it be just a really really really shitty time?

Probably the latter, admittedly, but inside I feel like maybe I'm just not cut out to operate at this level. I work for a leading practice and am surrounded with people who are the best at what they do. Maybe I'm just a square peg?

My concern is that there are some things where you need time to solve it. I worry that I just don't have the ability to sort it, even with all the hours god sends. That is what scares me.

Thank you so much for giving much needed support to a total stranger in the middle of the night!

well look at it this way

• you got the promotion - from grumpy boss and in a leading practice - so you are obviously good at what you do
• you care - otherwise you wouldn't be awake and worried
• it sounds like you do actually know how to fix it, you just can't get there by yourself
• maybe they like square pegs - maybe there were too many round ones and that's why they wanted you for the job?

Its shitty and scary to face it but that's a whole lot less shitty and scarier than someone finding out, or the whole thing falling down around your ears (possibly a bad turn of phrase for construction!)

Could you even try to get some sleep, possibly grab a triple espresso in the morning, walk into the office tomorrow and just say it? Once its out there all you can do is help solve it, which we already established you know what needs to be done. Keep it inside and tomorrow you're back on here at 3am panicing...

Share it with your boss at the earliest opportunity. You could have 'Imposter Syndrome' where you are more than capable but think you are not. Google it, it may help.

My advice would be to tell your boss ASAP but go to them with a solution rather than a problem - I.e. To complete on time I'll need X additional people who specialise in Y area or if the resources aren't available we'll need to extend the deadline until Z, would you like me to inform the relevant parties?
Also be clear that this has arisen because you have prioritised your workload as per the business need (you said that this deadline isn't genuinely time critical) - it really shouldn't reflect badly on you in this case. The fact that she is so unapproachable and has done so little overseeing of someone newly promoted to check how they are coping that this situation has developed to me reflects worse on your boss!

Thanks all for your advice. Managed to get a few hours sleep (so naturally now I feel worse) and am on the train to work. Have booked a slot in her diary first thing to go through it and will be completely honest about the situation. I've got a plan for what needs to be done to rectify it.

Fingers crossed...

Good Luck!
My favorite phrase at times like this is "feel the fear!"
sorry to sound like a mgt tosser but it works for me:)

Good luck, it will work out in the end.
I'm a construction professional and know that kind of pressure and it's one of the many reasons I now work for myself. I was very high up in my old firm and got headhunted for another high flying job earlier this year but even though it was enticing, it was logistically difficult & in the back of my mind, the gut twisting, sleep depriving part of the pressure of some of the more difficult projects made me think did I want to go back to all that? The answer was no, especially as it interfered with family life.
I do miss the challenge of it sometimes though. Bite the bullet speak to your boss & get a bit of help/time. My boss always used to say' we chuck people in the deep end, the best ones ask what they don't know & seek help, those that don't rarely succeed'

Wonkylegs....your description is VERY familiar. Can't help.bit wonder it's the same sector of construction...

Well, I had a good chat with my boss today and despite being clearly pissed off, to her credit, she managed to clear my diary by reshuffling other people and found one of the other Directors for me to go over my concerns with. 12hrs later I haven't solved the problem but I've got a clear strategy and have made enough headway that it no longer seems insurmountable.

The sense of relief is utterly liberating. I'm feeling so much more relaxed now.

I do think I need to assess whether I'm cut out for this industry... it's hard as I'm high up in the governing body of our industry but the rollercoaster of ups and downs whilst being constantly resourced at 140% since January really is taking its toll. One to ponder over the Christmas break...

Forgot to add, thank you all for your support. Sometimes you're in so deep it's hard to.see a way out.

Sounds like there is a plan and more importantly help.
Get the issues sorted then try and find yourself time to think about the future. You might find sorting it all out gives you a high that makes you want to stay ... Or then again maybe not ...
Either way glad the horrific weight of it is a bit lifted