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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about older girls asking my 5YO DS to show his 'wildly'

52 replies

mimrammum · 25/11/2014 01:04

I probably am. But maybe not. I've just felt very unsettled since I picked up DS from school and he told me that a group of the older girls had asked him and his friends to do a 'willy challenge' where they all show off their penises. In exchange for sweets.
I've obviously had a long chat with him about how his private parts are private, but I'm not sure if I should say anything to his teacher about it all.
First (and only) child so I don't want to be precious or anything. And I know this sort of thing would probably happen at some point. But he's literally just turned 5.
AIBU to worry/be concerned beyond making sure that he knows to keep it in his pants? I don't want to get the older girls in trouble as they're probably just being silly. And if I'm honest, I also don't want them picking on my DS if they find out he's told me/I've told the teachers, as he told me last week they were being 'mean' to him and his friends in the playground.
Oh, sorry, but I don't know what to do/think. DS has only been at school a few weeks! Any help would be gratefully received - even if it's to tell me to get a grip!

OP posts:
Marylou2 · 25/11/2014 13:49

This is 100% not OK and you are not being unreasonable at all.I would call the school and arrange an emergency appointment with the head and his class teacher.They need to deal with this today! They also need to contact the Local Authority Desinated Officer.The parents of the Girls involved should be dealt with by the Head. I would ask for a written safeguarding plan. Also the school needs to address the issue of privacy and your body being your own/The underwear rule campaign with the entire school if they haven't already done so. Good luck and hope you and DS are OK.

Mangobubbles · 25/11/2014 13:51

Totally not okay. Please tell the school. This needs to be dealt with ASAP. I'm saying this as a parent and a teacher.

Daydreamersea · 25/11/2014 13:59

This is so not ok and where on earth in the school were they able to do this.

You absolutely must tell the school for all manner of reasons.

miffybun73 · 25/11/2014 14:01

That is not ok and is extremely odd. You need to speak to the school about it.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/11/2014 14:22

I don't personally think it's anything sinister or sexual, just kids being silly. But yes this needs to be brought to the attention of the teacher/HT, ds encouraged to tell teacher when this happens and to say no to them.

Jessica85 · 25/11/2014 16:24

Please tell the school! Whether it was sinister / sexual or just being silly is not really for you to guess at - its for the school to sort out. And to make sure that the children are properly supervised.

formerbabe · 25/11/2014 16:39

Op...I take it your son is in reception? How old are these girls? In my childrens school, reception children have their own outdoor play area away from the rest of the school. After reception there are 2 separate playgrounds, one for the older children and one for the younger.

You must tell the school

Aeroflotgirl · 25/11/2014 17:32

I feel there is an overreaction of some in here: safe guarding, SS really! He and other boys were asked to show their willy by other girls presumably of primary school age, they were not touched or had sex acts demonstrated on them! Sounds like a silly game which should be nipped in the bud quickly.

rumbleinthrjungle · 25/11/2014 19:41

Two five year olds messing about flashing kit with each other is kids being silly. Older kids trying to bribe younger ones to show genitals - absolutely not ok. In any school I've ever worked in this would be taken very seriously, the girls need a very clear message that this is absolutely unacceptable, and yes the playground supervision needs checking on.

OP please don't hesitate to report this, his teacher needs to know. And will probably be furious about it on his behalf.

Shockers · 25/11/2014 20:05

How much older were the girls?

RiverTam · 25/11/2014 20:08

I don't agree, Aero - if the other children had been his peers and they'd just been curious it would be a completely different matter. But as they other children were older and, as it sounds, offered sweets as an inducement - that makes it a very different thing.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/11/2014 20:19

I disagree River, oresumably op ds is in an infant/primary school so they are still young children, even if they were a couple of years older.and do not probably understand the meaning of what they have done or doing. I think it is just a silly game, nothing sinister, the girls were messing and need to be disciplined. SS, abuse no!

Jessica85 · 25/11/2014 20:29

If this was a older boys bribing younger girls into showing their private parts very few people would suggest it was just a game. Equally, if this was children all of the same age and no bribery involved it might seem less serious.

Op, as it is I still think it's best to inform the school, and make sure your ds knows the bathing suit rule.

crumblebumblebee · 25/11/2014 20:30

Bribing another child is slightly odd behaviour.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/11/2014 20:37

Yes I agree Jessica, if the girls were secondary school age, this woukd be different, but I gather if op ds is in reception they are probably a couple if years difference in age.

Hulababy · 25/11/2014 20:42

I work in an infant school and come across playground behaviour involving children's private bits. Our youngest are 4 and the eldest are 7, so the age range is quite narrow, and even the eldest are not old in any way. Whilst it isn't common every day stuff, neither is it that unusual either.

Rarely is it something sinister, but it is always inappropriate and always the children involved need to be spoken to.

I would always mention anything like this to the class teacher so that it can be dealt with. The girls need speaking too and making it clear their behaviour is wrong. As there appears to be some bartering going on with sweets, then this aspect needs dealing with too - could be bullying, could be other stuff..

It will also usually be recorded as a "cause for concern" just in case there is a bigger picture being built up. This in itself is not something to worry about, even if the child is the one in the wrong.

And your little one needs reminding about his right to privacy, not showing anyone his private bits and always telling a teacher or a grown up if things like this happen. I know you have done this already from your op.

Rebecca2014 · 25/11/2014 20:46

I don't think anyone on here thinks anything sexual has gone on but this type of situation needs be nipped in the bud and I would be making an report with the school.

j

Aeroflotgirl · 25/11/2014 20:51

What hulababy has just said totally with bells on.

fromparistoberlin73 · 25/11/2014 22:01

you are right to be concerned, report

so sorry this has happended so soon into school x

RiverTam · 25/11/2014 22:40

how do you know it's an infant school? No infants round my way, so in DD's primary these older children could be 10. We don't know their age or even their likely age because the OP hasn't said. Would you be so unconcerned if this was a group of year 5s bribing a reception child to see his penis?

Original poster
mimrammum · 25/11/2014 22:53

Hello all, firstly huge apologies for not responding to your comments. Work, etc... But mostly thank you for responding! And for reassuring me that I'm not being an over-protective mother. I do remember doctors and nurses games when I was a child but not sure that was quite so young.
And yes, the thing that has bothered me the most is the 'challenge' and reward of sweets for my DS and his friends to show their penises.
Yes, he is in Reception. I don't know how old the girls are, other than that they are 'older' (could be up to 11).
The school has kept Reception children separate to the other children until after the latest half term holiday.
Thank you again everyone who has responded. I will be talking to the school

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 25/11/2014 22:57

Sounds like a combined school if it has kids up to 11. My local primary us an infant school from reception to yr2. Then separate junior school from yr 3-6

Original poster
mimrammum · 25/11/2014 23:22

Thank you all again and catching up properly with responses. No, I'm sure it's nothing sinister, but it is just wrong. I'm grateful that your replies have justified my concerns and stopped me worrying about being an over protective mother!
I will let you know the outcome after I speak to the school (if you're interested!). Thank you again

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 25/11/2014 23:33

Yes do speak to the school, tell your ds that his private areas are private. Tell him to tell a teacher if tgey do it again. probably silly games, but it has to be stopped, it is worrying if tge kids are much older than your ds.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 26/11/2014 00:26

Yanbu

Report to school (as you've said you're doing). I wouldn't try to contact the girls or their parents though, I'd leave that to the school.

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