(Long,sorry!) To be bothered that we have no 'local' friends ?

[incensed]

Just that really . Bit of context , myself and DH ( both early forties) ,our DD (5) and DS(1) have lived in suburban south London for 5 years and during that time we have not made any local friends , ie the type of friends you could arrange an impromptu weekend lunch with , or call up to come and help build a flat pack . Rubbish examples but I hope you get the general idea ?
DH was born and brought up 10 minutes away but his mates seem to all have moved away or emigrated . He is not the type to go for a pint with his mates (teetotal!) and goes out very rarely ( say 4-5 times per year ) with football and work mates.
I have a small group of girlfriends I have known for about 20 yrs from school days who are all in London , we meet up every couple of months I'd say .
Since my DD started school last year I have got to know and like some of the other mums but we only get together with the kids , no 'mums' nights out' that I was hoping for ! I am quite shy with low self esteem and have gone through life this far feeling that I don't have much to offer and have been quite reserved socially as a result. I am currently having counselling which is defo helping with the self esteem.
So basically , I feel like we are not part of the community , that everyone else has established networks of local friends and that it is a bit late to try and build one now ? Just feeling a bit sad as we have no Xmas invites or anything and I feel we need to set a better example for the kids .
Sorry for the ramble, any thoughts or advice very welcome .

op - I moved away from london 8 years ago and it has taken most of that time to establish good local friendships. it has not been a smooth journey. intially I was v isolated. But when ds started school I was pg with dd2 and there happened to be 6 or 7 women due that term so that helped break the ice as we all had our babies of course it also meant I was too knackered with 3 under 5 to take much advantage!

since then there have been several friendships that seemed promising but went off the boil. I try to not invest too much in the friendship til I really know how much we have in common. I have braved joining pta committee (hideous didn't last), becoming a school governor (interesting but not providing friendship though). I have accepted that some friendship groups go off the boil and that is just the way it goes not my fault. trial and error and a thick skin has lead to a good reliable group of friends and we are supportive and fun and make an effort to keep in touch, regular activities like pub quizzes and book clubs keep things interesting, it just takes time and effort and a willingness to take a chance/ fail/ feel foolish. I got goo at going to baby groups alone and not minding, if I looked miserable no one would want to talk to me so I had to fake it til I felt it!

good luck.