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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Phoning ds mobile instead of landline when talking to him

40 replies

Crockershite · 22/11/2014 16:26

Dil thinks I'm rude to only ring him on his mobile or work when I want to talk to him.
AIBU or should I phone land line, dil or dgc usually answer, then I find out what I wanted anyway without even having to ask my ds how he is. I want this conversation myself.

OP posts:

DearGirl · 22/11/2014 23:12

So you're happy to have a chat with the interesting secretaries but not with your dil or grandchildren? Don't understand the having 2 conversations thing - ask your dil how SHE is, then ask your son how HE is.

gobbynorthernbird · 22/11/2014 23:16

I have a quick chat with someone else, they are interesting people
Yeah, don't ever phone your son at work again.

LittleBearPad · 22/11/2014 23:21

If he is busy or out I have a quick chat with someone else, they are interesting people.

Now you're just joking that you think this is acceptable. I imagine you have quite the reputation in your son's company.

Why if you've spojen to DIL can't you also ask your son how he is.

Idiotdh · 22/11/2014 23:27

Have you thought of asking your son to call you, since he works?

springlamb · 22/11/2014 23:28

If DH is around when MIL calls, then I presume she would like to hear his voice so after the niceties I pass the phone over. (then I am badgered for the next ten minutes by 'mum says what does so-and-so want for her birthday' and 'mum says what time for lunch in Sunday').
If DH is not around then I have that conversation, then I finish by saying that DH will ring her at the weekend or whatever.
I appreciate that she will want to hear his voice, and also that she might have something personal she wants to discuss with him. Although increasingly she turns to me for that anyway.
She wouldn't ring him at work, even though he is the boss, unless it were very urgent. And she wouldn't ring him on his mobile at a time she expected him to be at home - my MIL would consider that rather rude and divisive, when me and DH might be sitting on the sofa together.
Why don't you ring on the landline when you know he's at home, pass some pleasant conversation with your daughter in law, then ask for a quick word with your son 'to remind me of what his voice sounds like ha ha ha'.

BackforGood · 22/11/2014 23:29

Is it just me who thinks it's odd that a grandparents doesn't want to have a quick chat with her grandchildren now and then ?

I mean, I wouldn't have any issue with PiL calling dh on his mobile might prefer it if they did, tbh but they actually like to speak to the dc before either of us.

Can't believe you think it's OK to routinely phone someone at work "just for a chat", and surely the "having a chat with other people there, they are interesting people" bit has got to be a wind up one hopes ?!?

Bluestocking · 22/11/2014 23:33

Your poor DS. I can imagine what his colleagues are thinking about his dotty old ma who rings him up two or three times a week and will hold them up chatting even when she's been told he's not available. Seriously, can't you see what's wrong with this picture?

springlamb · 22/11/2014 23:46

I am working on the premise that OP does want to know how her DIL is and also have a quick chat with the grandchildren to find out how school is, but would also like the opportunity to speak personally with her son. However, ringing him at work, or ringing him on his mobile whilst he is in his home with his family is not the way to go.
I also think that there are some people out there (not saying your DIL or son are this way inclined) who do think that once a man is married/living with a partner then all contact should be routed through their partner, such as visiting arrangements, what the kids want for Xmas etc. Which is quite wrong.
I know for a fact that MIL thinks the world of me, she tells me so and she tells me I am a huge support to her (as she has no daughters) but I still expect and actively promote one to one contact between her and her son.
Even if I sometimes say "she's your mother - you deal with the old bat!"
And MIL respects our family unit and might say "you better let me speak to X just to make sure you haven't offed him and put him under the patio".

ShinyShinySpoons · 22/11/2014 23:50

We can all take phone calls where I work. I'm a senior executive not a director but I have so many meetings it isn't always convenient to take calls. I do if it's my Mum as I worry that if she's ringing me on my mobile during working hours then it must be important. She rarely does it and every time it has been.

But the fact that your son is a director probably means he is in meetings most of the day. That's what our directors do. Their diaries are ridiculously full with back to back meetings. Could you not maybe have a quick chat with your DIL and ask your DS to ring you when he gets home?

Lottiedoubtie · 22/11/2014 23:57

Surely you are taking the piss? Interesting people in his office but hate talking to your own GC??

CaurnieBred · 22/11/2014 23:59

We have caller ID on our land line so we can see who is calling. If it is PILs and DH is home I yell for him to pick it up. I wd think it weird for them to call his mobile.

KeatsiePie · 23/11/2014 00:37

I'm not surprised your DIL thinks it's rude. I'd really be hurt if my MIL started calling my DH at work so she didn't have to talk to me. By never calling their home, it looks like you are trying to avoid ever having to speak to her.

If you call their home and she answers, you can easily chat with her for a few minutes and then talk to him. You can still ask him how he is. I mean, you're willing to chat with random people at his work for a few minutes, but not with his wife?

Re: not wanting to have the same conversation twice: I will often tell my mom about e.g., our anniversary dinner and then also tell my dad about it, if they both want to hear it. It's not painful for me to say "yes it was lovely" twice.

Is she not nice to you or something?

however · 23/11/2014 00:57

I dint think it's rude. When dad wants to talk to me, he calls me. Not the landline. No one cares.

skinoncustard · 23/11/2014 08:38

There's a funny smell around here!

No-one can be this dim! Interesting people !?!?

Fairylea · 23/11/2014 08:47

So bizarre !

Work is for work. I'm sure his colleagues don't want to natter away to his mum. ....! Sorry!

If you don't get to speak to your ds when you ring the landline that in itself speaks volumes. Are you sure your dil isn't trying to limit your phone calls on instruction from your ds? Seems really odd on so many levels!

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