...and to make it worse she called me "hun"

[tigermoll]

Argh. Just need to let off steam. V old friend is getting married and will be in my city today to look at dresses. I said yes (hellish but that's what friends are for etc). Arranged to meet at five, few hours of shopping then I'm off to another event in the evening. This afternoon she called to ask if we could meet earlier to give us more time. I said yes and set off at the appointed hour. Reached the RV point to receive a text asking if we could actually meet later cos now lunch has over run. Town is mental due to crowds and it's not worth me going home again only to have to turn around and head back out for the evening. WIBU to strop off and get drunk? :)

Assertiveness gets easier with practice. Just remember the toddler training mantra "punish the behaviour not the person". No point in making a big thing out of it - just tell her when you don't like her behaviour because it's inconvenienced you beyond what you feel willing to accommodate for friendship. And ask her not to do it again.

Anybody else thinking a man you are getting married to is probably not a new man?

But the behaviour is how she is when there is a new man,

She is making arrangements and the disappearing or failing to arrive

So I suspect she is having a affair and you are the cover story,.

Anybody else thinking a man you are getting married to is probably not a new man?

He is a new man - they've know each other only a few weeks (whole nother thread.....and basically none of my business....)

Next time she invites you to something just reply 'why? So you can not turn up again and leave me hanging around like a lemon?!'

Don't be there when the hasty marriage falls apart and she needs a friend. She might then learn that to have a good friend you need to be a good friend.

"I m the type who needs to go and think about things before I really know how I feel." I'm a bit like this too. I wanted to drop a 'friend' who was using me for childcare. The technique I used was if I felt I was being caught on the hop or steamrollered into something was to say "Actually, that date rings a bell, let me check the calendar and I'll let you know" then I'd text or e-mail back saying I was busy (never specify what or they try and get round it) and couldn't make it. It just gives you that bit of breathing space to think about what you want to do.

is she on the game? all these hasty appointments

This is odd. You could be telling my story with an EX FRIEND. I finally lost my rag with her over £5. I'm not very good at these situations but I took a deep breath and told her what was what ( by text of course, I'm a coward)
Do you know what, as much as you procrastinate about sending that text, you will feel soooooo good after.