To consider a sperm donor?

[siblingrevelryagain]

I have three happy, healthy children. I was lucky to have three (DH only ever wanted two but agreed to three).

My marriage broke down this year following DH's affair. It's been the shittiest year but the kids and I are doing great and have a calm, happy and loving household with the four of us. I'm 39, and whilst I'm ridiculously grateful for my children I don't feel that three is the number for me. I've always wanted four and still get broody and yearn for another child. I hope this doesn't make me sound entitled; I assure you I don't think kids are a right. But at the risk of sounding arrogant or boastful I am a very good mom (the way I've handled my marriage breakdown has been to always put them first, and I have always put their needs first.

I am 39, in good health and have relatively easy pregnancies (apart from SPD). I work and my DH helps to support our children, we have our own home so would it be a bad move for me to deliberately have a child that would, effectively, not have a father that was known to it?

I'd welcome all and any thoughts people may have.

I agree that if you had no DC it would be different. I know it's hard though Op not to be able to have more children of you'd like more. I coped by reminding myself how lucky I was to have Dd when some people can't even have 1. Obviously up to you but you are already so fortunate.

Looking at it as if I was xDH - the clue is in my screen-name although I am not divorced/separated.

I would certainly not pay more. And unless you are very well off the same income from work and "me" won't go as far for one-plus-four as it would for one-plus-three.

Which means "my" children will see their standard of living drop, because you want a fourth. I don't think that's fair to "me" or "my" children, do you?

Out of interest what are the ages and gender of your 3 dc?

You also have to be prepared for disappointment as it might not be as easy to conceive a 4th!

3 DC go off for the weekend with their dad..and one gets left behind?
3 DC get Christmas presents off their dad..and one doesn't?
3 DC making Father's Day cards...and one not?

Rather selfish IMO, and a recipe for disaster and resentment.

Lesbians - know your place!

I'm a parent of a donor conceived child so I have no issue with it at all (obviously). But in your situation, no, I don't think it's fair on the children you have now or the one you're planning to have.

Knowing that most other children have dads is one thing - being the only one among your siblings not to have one is quite another.

Plus your marriage has just broken down and that's got to be very hard on your children.

Life doesn't always work out as we'd planned it. You've already got one more child than you thought you might have so I'd count your blessings if I were you.

YABU. It sounds like you are considering all for YOU. I don't mean to be blunt, because I can't imagine how tough it must be for you having only recently got divorced, but it feels a bit like you are considering another baby to fix your emotional needs and for no other reason. I obviously know nothing about your marriage, but I do know people who have had kids to 'fix' marriages, and that never works.

Will your other children think "Are we not enough?"
"Does she want new children by other dads because our dad does not live with us?" You never know how your children will interpret this.

I feel for you as I have also become a single parent this year. It saddens me that I may never have another child (I have two). But I strongly believe it is my duty, and even more so as a single parent, to always do what is best for the children I have now, right here, in front of me. THEY come first, above everything. I really can't see how, in your situation, a fourth child would benefit anyone.

Hi everyone, not sure if anyone's used the AI sperm donor forum (www.spermdonorforum.net/index.php) before, but i wanted to warn you about it.

a potential donor (baby4u) on the site was extremely abusive and homophobic in a conversation with me.

i contacted the admin of the site twice, but didn't hear back from them at all in about 4 weeks.
i wanted to warn people on the site about this donor and posted the conversation on the main message board of the site.
i tried to log in about half an hour later to check if anyone had replied, only to find that i have now been locked out of the site.

i wanted to let people know because he is likely to do this to other people as well.