If your daughter emailed to let you know they were suicidal

[CorthlessWunt]

what would you do?

I spent last night in hospital because of suicidal behaviour and now am under care of crisis team. My mum does not enjoy talking to me much, she has no energy due to menapause. I emailed to suggest some help for menapause a few days ago and she emailed back asking how my cat was etc today. So I emailed and said what had happened. She emailed back saying she was sorry, hopes I'm ok, let her know what happens.

AIBU to have wished for a phone call? AIBU to feel that the menapause should not prevent you lifting the phone?

If it is relevent I've never let her know about a crisis before, it's not a freqent event, though she does know about my depression.

Am I being a selfish cunt?

Thank you I am truly grateful for the understanding.

I am supposed to have a job interview in the morning, it feels absurd, like a different person who made all those arrangements. I honestly could not give a fuck about it, it doesnt feel relevent. At the minute I feel pathetically pleased that the urgent need to kill myself has abated, and I know that's not aiming high, but I don't see the point of a job. What difference does a job make when your life is empty of people? When it makes no difference to anyone if you are alive or dead, except if you make some company a bit of money?

The life force in me that made me apply to the job and was pleased about getting an interview is shrunken very far down, but just in case I manage to motivate myself to go in the morning, I'm going to try to get some rest.

Thank you so much again for helping me tonight. I know hugs aren't the done thing on MN but please accept some gentle, heartfelt hugs of gratitude.

Thinking of you

Good luck
I often don't really know what any of it's all about tbh but think a job, like kids, is worth having just for the sheer purpose of forcing one out of duvet self preservation mode. See how it goes. Take it from there.
Get some sleep too hypocrite me
Have spent last half an hour trying to find exciting blocks but there is nowt. The best dance music on Strictly on Sat will probably be Mark's tango to love runs out. Gotta love a journey. Lee Evans has retired from comedy. Bob geldof hasn't got Adele'.s phone no. and denies a feud. This is all a bit mundane. Hannah Montana is the terminator's son's beard allegedly.
I heard a great lecture on you tube about depression. The guy basically took it back to baby steps...rather than worrying about meanings and purposes just concentrate on baby steps. what are you having for breakfast? (Me: microwave pancake with lemon. don't ask!)
Am reading a good book We are all completely beside ourselves which deals with upbringing, loneliness ethics etcetera.
Life is a series of endless routines. But start with what you are having for breakfast.
A lot of people are lonely...no shame in it. The trick is to love yourself and not care what others think....so go to the cinema on your own, why not? Then try and join that class, pursue that hobby, do some exercise, help out in that charity...and this time next month next year 5 years...things may look up.
Am off to follow own advice now and sleep but good luck again for tomorrow and report back if you feel up to it And Name Change to BecauseI'mWorthIt or similar.
Corthy Wunt at the very least.
Or CorthwhileWause. Festive name change...ClorthwhileSantaWause.
I will vote for you!

Exciting blocks? Stupid kindle. should say gossip.
Blocks - unlike my toddler seems to think - are intrinsically dull.
Stack. fall down. Stack. Fall down. Gah! This as repetitive as the Sia bit in chandelier (do not listen to sia if depressed. Listen to top of the world by imagine dragons instead).
Xxx

This is sooooo hard! I feel for you because I have a similar relationship with my mother (she didn't visit me at all when I was hospitalised with a life-threatening condition in the first term of uni).

It is hard, it hurts like hell. But right now, you need to get through this. You can do it by yourself. And when you are feeling better, you can reevaluate the relationship and figure out whether you need to change things, e.g. going NC (not something I normally advise, but may help you). Pull the people around you who do care and who are there for you - and don't be afraid to reach out, because sometimes friendships are built up in these situations.

If I was having a back-and-forth email conversation with my daughter and she told me something like that, I'd continue with the emails. She's chosen that form of communication. I wouldn't switch to the phone unless she asked or phoned herself. Not because I'm mean and horrible and CBA, but because I would genuinely think that was the right thing to do.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad and glad that you have got help.

YANBU. If you were my daughter I'd be sleeping by your bedside.

I think this is a difficult one to be honest.

You say that your mum has difficulty dealing with emotionally stressful situations but it kind of sounds like you do too - you told your mum you were suicidal via email!!

I'm not judging, my family is hugely emotionally fucked up and my mum isn't even officially 'in the know' about half of my mental health crap. I wouldn't feel comfortable telling her via any medium of communication.

However, I think an emotionally healthy relationship of the kind that would bring a mother rushing to her daughter's side would mean that this discussion was had over the phone or in person.

I doesn't surprise me that a revelation like that made by email was also responded to via email.

I think even if I'd chosen email and my mum responded by email I'd at least expect an offer of coming to see me or phone if she wasn't sure it was what I wanted. but my mum would have been by my side in a second.

op how are you feeling today? did you make it to the interview?

No, I couldn't go. It's probably better all around as I don't think I'd be a good employee at the moment.

As for the emailing...she's made it clear she didn't want to talk on the phone, so I was too nervous to call really. But I foolishly hoped that given what was going on, she would have then felt strongly enough to overcome her reluctance and want to talk to me, make sure I was ok, etc.

OP,just know that there is someone here who is thinking of you with much concern and love...as if you were one of my own girls.

its OK that you didn't go, don't beat yourself up about it later OK. its more important that you start to feel better first.

Thank you for all the lovely thoughts and support

No, won't beat myself up over job interview, it wasn't the right time. I couldn't care less about it which is unfair on the prospective employer, they deserve proper staff, not somebody who isn't functioning right now.

My mum has emailed again to ask if I'm ok today. I don't know how to reply, I know she doesn't want details so I don't want to write how I really feel because then I'll be more hurt when she doesn't reply. But I don't want to lie and just write I'm fine thanks either because I'm not really ok, and I'd be lying to make her feel ok.

I'd suggest you just tell her you're getting help.

She surely won't expect you to say you're okay, not when you've had this bad a crisis, and would probably be more concerned if you did.

I think you should tell her you are not ok but you are getting help and do not feel up to discussing it by email

I wouldn't say you're not up for discussing by email as that shuts down a line of communication. perhaps say you aren't good but are getting help. ask how she is and if she's up to coming to see you maybe?

Just wanted to send you lots of good wishes and hopes for your feeling better very soon.
My thoughts are with you x

If you were my daughter I'd have got to you as soon as I possibly could. I can't drive, but whether I'd have to get a taxi/flight/train/coach I'd have been with you as soon as possible, because it wouldn't be bearable not to be.

I've only skim read this thread, but will read it properly later this evening.

I have been suicidal several times and I know the excruciating and unbearable pain and the need for it to stop IMMEDIATELY. It's a living hell.

Sorry you've been feeling rubbish. Just wanted to say, as an insulin user, taking an overdose of insulin plus a bottle of vodka would NOT be a nice peaceful way to go. It would be fecking horrendous. You'd experience the low blood sugar, but be too out of it to be able to treat it. Please do not think of doing this under any circumstances. I know you said you're ok now, but in the future.