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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this be being a rude knobber or not?

28 replies

NeedsAsockamnesty · 20/11/2014 23:14

If I was going to a restaurant (where I eat regularly and am known quite well) on Christmas Day for a meal with some of my children on that day is serving a 4 choice set menu for each section of the meal but on normal days serves a normal type menu,

How UR if at all would I be to ask them very nicely with lots of notice (and it would be an ask not a order) if they could allow one of the children (adult price) to advance order from the normal menu instead of from the set menu.

The normal menu is much cheaper than the set one and I would be happy to pay for the normal menu price on top of the price for the set menu for him so they do not lose out at all.

The child needing the change has autism and is significantly effected by food related sensory issues.

So unreasonable or not?

OP posts:
UmmAbdillah · 20/11/2014 23:15

You ANBU to ask... Worse case scenario is they say no

Teeb · 20/11/2014 23:16

How big is the restaurant? I don't see any harm in asking, but speaking as someone who worked for a small pub doing about 80 covers on Christmas Day they'd have been grumpy about it because the staff will already be overworked and kitchen space over stretched making a four course meal.

BiscuitMillionaire · 20/11/2014 23:16

Of course you're not U to ask. Whether they agree to it or not depends on how they can cope in the kitchen with cooking other options. Good luck.

DoJo · 20/11/2014 23:21

It's definitely worth asking and perhaps if you explain your reasoning they will be open to another type of compromise if it really isn't possible. Would it be possible for you to take food with you, for example, if they couldn't provide it, or adapt some of the dishes from the set menu to make them more acceptable.

AgentZigzag · 20/11/2014 23:25

YANBU, they'd have to be miserable fucks to say no for a Christmas dinner.

AgentZigzag · 20/11/2014 23:27

Don't mention the extra payment unless you have to though, no need to shell out more than you need eh?

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 20/11/2014 23:35

YANBU just mention the Autism. Why not? It's a disability...they should cater. I read about someone who'se child had ASD and would only drink from Starbucks plastic cups...she lost the one she had and went in to ask for another and the guy gave her a stack of 50 when he heard why she wanted it.x

Original poster
NeedsAsockamnesty · 20/11/2014 23:37

To be perfectly fair to them they have already arranged a table quite away from everybody else so he is not bothered by to much movement or noise.

I was hoping they would have roast beef on the set menu and a cheese board and melon starter because he can eat those and then I could just ask for a plateful of that with nothing else on it but they have turkey or ham and he can't swallow those. The substitute would be any type of fruit to start steak with nothing else as a main course and cheese or normal plain ice cream for pudding.

Its quite a big place but they are only booking in 30 people on Christmas Day. I'm very friendly with the chap who runs it but do not wish to take advantage of a friendship if asking would be rude or very cheeky

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 20/11/2014 23:39

You definitely wouldn't be taking advantage of your friendship, I'm sure they'd do it whatever the reason.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/11/2014 23:41

I wouldn't have thought that would be too difficult - cut up a melon, bung a steak onto a hot pan, dish up an icecream.

I'm not a restaurateur but I would have thought that if you go to the restaurant with a definite plan, like this, that is clearly not too much extra work, they shouldn't have too much problem with the request.

Original poster
NeedsAsockamnesty · 20/11/2014 23:42

Forgot to add we are already booked in and have been for over a month apparently we are also so far the only guests to have paid in full.

But the lack of roast beef is totally my fault stupidly I read the set menu for the Christmas parties and got excited thinking yep that's doable so booked and paid without realising that it was a different set menu for Christmas Day

OP posts:
LittleBairn · 20/11/2014 23:49

A perfectly reasonable request. My DH is HFA, oh the drama when a restaurant changes the menu! Even years on he will still go on about previous menus.

MrsPepperMintonCandyCane · 21/11/2014 00:02

If they are so accommodating with regards to seating and you are regulars, then I think they will be more than understanding. Especially as it's on the party menu too, so is easily available. I hope you have a great meal on the day Smile

ItsaboatJack · 21/11/2014 00:37

I run a bar and restaurant. I can't imagine anyone would say no to your request, they'd have to be a right old Scrooge. Obviously they want to make it as simple for the staff as possible by having a reduced set menu, but the alternatives you are asking for are barely any extra effort, and if they are on their usual menu anyway then it's not like they have to order anything special in either.

Original poster
NeedsAsockamnesty · 21/11/2014 00:39

Well its settled then unless I wake up to a chorus of YABU you entitled caw then I'm asking.

I'm sure the meal will be great tbh I'm just hoping not to end up wearing it so setting my goals fairly low

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 21/11/2014 00:52

I don't think YABU to ask, and as long as you keep it 'simple' items from the regular menu (eg a steak, rather than expecting a whole side of roast beef to be cooked) then I don't think it will be too much effort. Fruit entree can be prepped in advance, steak only takes a few minutes in the pan, and a bowl of ice cream takes about 30 seconds. Since you have already paid though, then I wouldn't ask for the difference between the set menu and normal back, a big part of the costs is the additional staff costs for the day. Good luck, as a regular customer I'm sure he will be more than willing to accommodate.

I'm very friendly with the chap who runs it but do not wish to take advantage of a friendship if asking would be rude or very cheeky

Trust me, as someone who spent most of my teenage/early adult years working Christmas Day (unpaid!!) at a relative's restaurant (about 200 seats!!) because he couldn't get staff, this is hardly even the tip of the iceberg when it comes to rude and cheeky requests lol!

KoalaDownUnder · 21/11/2014 01:26

YANBU at all. (And I say that as someone with pretty low tolerance for special snowflakes.)

You sound like a great customer, and I don't think it's remotely cheeky to ask for an accommodation for a child with special needs on Christmas day.

TaraKnowles · 21/11/2014 01:45

I've been at my local food pub and ordered off the menu. No problem. I've been there, it's a go up to the bar and get a menu/ order and a man seated told me off for giving service to another table, I said oh no I'm just giving the menu to my mother in law and he gave me shit for favouring her, like I was a waitress, so I went back to the bar and got him a menu and said,'just order at the bar' and went and sat with my mil and dc. That day I realised that I strode around that pub as if I owned it.

TaraKnowles · 21/11/2014 01:49

I'm sure that they will do food for your son. Above mentioned pub had a really poncy 'hand caught' menu but would always do beans on toast at £3 for my children. No harm asking.

catsofa · 21/11/2014 02:05

No problem, they're required by law to make reasonable adjustments for someone with a disability anyway. If you give them loads and loads of notice that's entirely reasonable.

daisychain01 · 21/11/2014 05:43

I am sure they would be happy to help with your reasonable request. They are providing a service. It doesn't make you entitled at all!

Jelliebabe2 · 21/11/2014 07:30

They know you and your family well. They're your friends too. You're not asking for complicated alternatives. I'm certain they'll be happy to help you. Why not take the kitchen a nice bottle of something on the day or some posh biccies? Merry Xmas Grin

mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 21/11/2014 08:04

No, absolutely not rude. And you're not asking a lot at all, so hopefully they can do it. To those saying they're obliged by law to make reasonable adjustments for disabilities, yes, they are, but requiring them to make a different meal to the set one wouldn't come under that regulation. Why on earth would you think it would?

outofcontrol2014 · 21/11/2014 08:49

Not unreasonable at all.

A decent restaurant with a decent chef will accommodate without blinking, on the day, with no notice. With notice - there shouldn't be any issue at all.

Original poster
NeedsAsockamnesty · 21/11/2014 10:40

Since you have already paid though, then I wouldn't ask for the difference between the set menu and normal back, a big part of the costs is the additional staff costs for the day

I wouldn't dream of doing that I was intending on also paying for the substitute meals at their full normal price on top of the set menu Christmas meal that's already been paid for so every body else's meal costs £75 but his would be £110

OP posts:
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