to expect MIL to travel here for a visit this time

[DragonMamma]

I'll try to keep it short.

Mil lives abroad, a 4hr flight away and somewhere we can't afford to fly to very often.

She text a couple of weeks ago to say that she was coming over to the UK for a week at the start of December. She's coming Weds to Weds and is staying at SIL's around 3hrs away who has a DN and is a SAHM

The day she arrives in the UK we are arriving back late that night after a 4 day break, which will be pretty hectic due to where we are going and what we are doing.

We will then be back to work and school for 2 days before the weekend she wants us to go to SILs. We've said it would be easier on everybody if she came here as the DC are 7 and 3 and we'd only get around 24hrs there and MIL could travel down whilst we are in work on the Friday and have 2 full days with us.

We've offered to pay for her train as petrol, hotel and dinner out would be around £200 which we can't really afford after this trip and so close to Xmas.

She was over in the summer and stayed in the same place but aibu to expect her to come to us this time? She seems to think we are and it's just 'easier' for us to go there.

She's only in her 50s and in good health, she's travelling over on her own so there's nothing physical stopping her. We've offered to pay her costs (despite her owing us money) so dh and DC can see their gran.

She owes you money, and the circumstances in which she owes that money show her in a VERY bad light. I'm not sure I'd be welcoming her at all.

And yes, I'd use Castlemilk's exact wording.

And while I think of it - she can't afford to repay the debt she owes to you but she can spring for airfares? I really think your DH needs to be more assertive and tell her she need to pay her debts!

I think the bigger issue here is what she owes you - asking your OH to take out a loan and then not paying it back? That's disgraceful behaviour.

I can see MILs point of view. When I fly back to my family in the US, I feel like I've made the effort (9 hour flight with two toddlers) to travel the majority of the distance, so get annoyed when people expect me to travel even further to see them.

Perhaps your MIL doesn't want several hours on the train in the space of two days and then two days after that have to go on a plane.

so... she can afford to travel, but not to pay what she owes.

don't you dare indulge her in anything until she's paid her way/what she owes.

I agree with pp , offer to meet her part way at best for lunch and maybe to watch gc play. dh needs to ask her directly re.money .

I realise my opinion may be somewhat tainted by my experience but I kind of feel for your MIL. I wonder how many times you've been to visit her. It doesn't sound very often from your op. You also say your DH makes little effort to keep in touch with her. And now she's visiting the country you don't want to make the trip to visit her where she's staying. I'm not really surprised she doesn't want to come to yours.