Last weekend DD, 8, was supposed to see her father. He hadn't seen her for three weeks and hadn't been in touch during that time to ask how she is. She was thoroughly fed up of not knowing whether he's coming or not as she had various invitations that she felt she'd prefer to choose and she was also upset as there was a family event that he'd refused to swap weekends for so that she couldaattend. She left school crying on Tuesday saying she wanted to stay home for the family event/other things and asking why she has to put her life on hold for him when he doesn't even bother to see her/ask how she is for weeks on end. I contacted him, told him she was upset and asked again if he'd consider swapping. He refused. I decided to back DD up this time (theres no court order) because I knew he'd emphasise to her how she was missing the family event and how upset she'd be.
I offered that he have midweek contact tomorrow overnight, then from school Friday until Sunday night - usually he has Saturday night only. I have asked many times before that contact is arranged at least 48 hrs in advance so DD knows where she stands/we can all make plans. Several times he's waited until the morning of the day I've offered contact to take me up on it, which has left DD feeling that he was waiting to see if anything better came along first. The majority of times he hasn't responded at all, so I felt the 48 hr rule was fairer on DD so she wasn't left waiting around for him.
He hasn't replied about tomorrow or the weekend and DD has been invited to a friends tomorrow and two parties over the weekend. AIBU to stay firm with the 48 hr rule (when he potentially contacts me tomorrow or Friday to arrange contact) even though that'll mean DD hasn't seen him for 5 weeks? DD wants to stay home but will go for contact if I say she has to. I think she needs to see that her father needs to make proper arrangements and that she shouldn't be at his beck and call, but my friend says I'm being petty and he should be able to see her whenever.