AIBU to not expect some sort of righteous witchhunt by home educators?

[pocopearl]

So I was on a home education group on fbook asking for some advice on one of those facebook groups with the no nastiness disclaimer at the top. Basically asking for some advice re semi structured learning for HE for 2yrs plus. To which I have every one telling me this research that research etc play this play that. and telling me that I am in the wrong and should educate my child differently. Now I am no friggin expert in this but surely the reason most people home educate is that they don't like the way school are educating their child as their child is not being educated to how they want. so what right do they have to tell me my plans are wrong, because my plans dont fit into how they HE.

Then up pops links to the conversation and screen shots in other HE groups saying I give HE a bad name, this is whats wrong with the world. O my days. So annoyed. What is wrong with people. If they have nothing nice to say they should just get back to home educating their kids.

I'd say that everyone HEs their preschoolers - or everyone should (sadly there are kids who start school with no idea what a book is or how to hold a pencil) so getting at the OP for using that term is a bit mean. Education doesn't start at legal school age.

But - you asked in a forum for people who are educating school age kids. Perhaps not surprising they were a bit

Some two year olds do like more structured learning. Mine was obsessed with flash cards well before that - not because I was hothousing him, but because he'd seen his older sister's. Did I "teach him to read"? No, but I read with him on my lap and pointed at the words, and left gaps for him to say the ones he knew (since he'd memorised the story) while pointing at the next one. We went to the library every week and he chose books. We talked about "a for apple" and pointed out words in everyday life. Normal stuff, not special planned lessons.

When he was two and a half I caught him sat on the kitchen floor with magnetic letters going "c a t cat, b a t bat." He was reading silently long before he started school (he's an August baby, so that was at four and a week).

And no, he's not a frigging genius. He's bright, but not in top sets at his school (where some of the kids really are frigging geniuses). He's a similar level of bright to his sister who wasn't anything like as precociously early at reading (they are now 18 and 15). And the absolute best thing I did for him at preschool age, IMO, was to send him to the local playgroup with no track record of structured learning at all, where he learned to have fun with other kids his age playing with sand and cars and paint, and to sit on the carpet at circle time.

Honestly, let your child be his age. Don't push him into classes with kids masses older than him just because he can just about cope, no matter how tempting it is and how special it makes him look. It isn't a race and he is much better off learning to be one of a group his age than the special one only interacting with older kids.

OP, on your other thread back in May you talked about feeling judged by your new mums group because of your emphasis on "play designed to get him learning" and other unusual approaches.

I'm worried that you are pushing him, tbh. Why not try to avoid comparing him to other children and stop using benchmarks to see how "advanced" he appears to be compared to his peers. Let him lead the way.

A child who is encouraged and praised for who they are, not what tasks they are able to achieve, will thrive and grow into a happy adult.

That's what you want, isn't it?

I have seen so many 'genius' toddlers grow up into mediocre school-age children.
If your child is 18m yuou do not know how much of his 'advanced' bilities are due to developmental timing differences (in much the same way as some children get teeth earlier than others) or down to higher intelligence.And you won't know that until he is 5 or 6 years old

I'd say that everyone HEs their preschoolers - or everyone should

Completely agree, though most of us call it "raising our children".

Ummm...I think you've missed the point of HE. It's an alternative to mainstream school, not an extra, supplementary, home hot-housing system!

You should try a 'gifted child' group or something.

Structured learning for a 2 yr old? Really?

We sent our two DSs to a really good and very highly regarded nursery. The carers there were very professional. Knew a heck of a lot more about children than I do but I think they would have looked at me like if I had ever said 'structured learning'.

I mean I value education and nothing wrong with HE when done properly but I think its a bit early. Perhaps slightly structured play and looking at a picture book together and maybe thinking about interesting things you could do with DD but children at age 2 are sponges and learn from their world in a completely unstructured way.

Also remember no two children are alike and they all learn differently. I know it sounds terrible but DS1 loved watching videos of Thomas The Tank engine over and over again and as a teenager is now very good with abstract concepts and language. He never much liked playing with 'things' but concentrated for hours on videos if given the choice. DS2 liked doing things with his hands and is very good at art and design but barely watched TV as a child and rarely does now.

Go with the flow a bit - your child cannot be 'structured'.

Pocopearl, what you are saying is so misguided.

Playing with toys does not 'belittle his abilities' as you put it. It's the fundamental way in which children learn and you will find the education professionals in consensus on this point.

Play with him, read to him, facilitate his interests. This is far more valuable than 'structured learning' at this age.

Oh dear I wonder if you fell foul of the unschooling/Sandra Dodd brigade they can be a tad feverant in their belief that all kids should do as the please when it comes to anything from education to bed time and meals. Structured learning is an big no no.
Over the years they seem to have become more and more militant.

That said the idea that toys are beneath your DC is equally bizarre. I would do so reading on child development if I were you.

Fervent

This is your first child, isn't it?

As PPs have said, the concept of HE kicks in at compulsory school age, so 5.
Babies are not HEd they are looked after and cared for.

And sending a child to nursery would not be in line with HE.

I think you are a bit confused.

I suggest you go onto MN classics and read the thread 'parents of older kids, what was important and what was not' - it was unanimous - the age they can read, do jigsaws, hold a pencil , count etc etc etc matters not a jot!
If you want to do something useful read and talk- other than that enjoy your child at whatever stage they are at.

Think we've chatted before. Our boys are a similar age.

Am I right in thinking that you have anxiety? It seems to me that all this focus on achievement is connected to your anxiety. Are you worried that if you relax for just a minute then your ds won't achieve his potential?

It sounds exhausting. It also sounds risky - children are amazing - they really long to learn. But if you make learning hard and compulsory when he is a baby then you might turn him off it for life.

Also, it sounds a waste of time doing it so far in advance. If your child is truly a genius then who knows what he'll be doing next summer. He quite easily could have taught himself to read and write by then - in which case all your c-a-t makes cat lesson plans will be wasted.

Try to enjoy your son being 1 before you start making plans for when he is 2.

Re: the home ed groups. They probably could have been much nicer about it but many home-edders do so because they think structured learning starts to early in the Uk. And then you come on with your 1 year old asking about structured learning. They must have been horrified. It's the equivalent of going to a Christian chat room and asking in detail about devil worship!