To let this get to me?

[AIBU191114]

Hi all

I'm a new mum, baby is a few weeks old. For a variety of reasons baby hasn't been able to latch on very well so have been mostly expressing with some top up feeds when needed - as midwife advised.

Admittedly it's a lot of palava expressing and then feeding but we've not really settled into a routine yet so I'm hopeful things will get easier.

The aibu is my dh has gone and bought a perfect prep machine, basically telling me we should stop expressing and go on to full formula as its a hassle - I want to breastfeed my baby and it's not a hassle for him and I'm not complaining, yes I am tired but it's early days, I'd be tired even if we were formula feeding!

Am I right to be annoyed ?

Sounds like he's just trying to make it easier for you

I think it's probably something that has come from the right place but has been a bit misjudged tbh.

BF is such an emotive subject I suspect a lot of men just don't 'get it'.

For what it's worth, I'm literally sat in the kitchen having a play with my perfect prep in anticipation of dd arriving any day now.
I ff DS and I'm vv keen to have a better crack at breast feeding this time and then move on to mixed feeding.
You do what's best for you.
I think your DH is just trying to be helpful and it can't hurt to have a backup.
Good luck and congratulations

I was exactly the same with my DS, I ended up expressing for the first 3 months and giving him that in the bottle. It was a bit of a faff but we got into a good routine and it made me happy. Stick with it for a bit longer, and just tell your DH it won't be forever, just a few more weeks. For what it's worth, my next baby breastfed perfectly well. Good luck x

I'm sure he was just trying to be helpful but I totally understand why you are annoyed.

If you are happy to carry on expressing and working towards breastfeeding then carry on, it is your choice. I expressed for my son for 10 months and once we had a routine down, found a good pump and figured out hands free pumping it was minimal bother and I am glad I did it. :)

Remember to take care of yourself too though

Goodness that's hugely undermining and rude for him to essentially veto expressing without talking to you.

No discussion beforehand? Maybe DH means well and is looking for ways to free you up and make life easier. But if you are settled and happy I don't see why he'd announce it's time to call it a day.

Granted, bfing or expressing can be draining for you when you are tired - but if your DH helps with stuff like cuddling and comforting baby, nappy changing or winding her/him after a feed, or domestic chores which are needing attention, that is all a help.

Btw in the MN Talk Topics, there's a section called Feed The World, including a sub section called www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding with threads about expressing if you want more thoughts n the subject.

I know how you feel. I really struggled with breastfeeding at first and after a week of very damaged nipples and no improvement, plus complete exhaustion I was on the point of giving up. My midwife recommended using nipple shields and what a transformation! Dd went from bobbing on and off constantly to latching instantly and staying latched for a whole feed. We used them from then on until she suddenly no longer needed them at 5 months. She's now nearly 9 months and still breastfeeding twice a day. I would persevere but maybe give them a go, and try to take care of yourself!

Oh dear. Maybe he is trying to be helpful? In which case I'd say, Oh thanks, put it aside and keep doing what you are doing.

If he's not being helpful, I would just say you are going to breastfeed and continue to do so, and if he can't say anything nice then not to say anything at all. I ff, but had my dh's full support, and that's what you need, too.