to go ahead with party arrangements as planned?

[chainedtothedesk]

I'm quite aware that a problem regarding a child's party is possibly going to sound childish and probably a bit silly but its a real dilemma and I don't know how to respond.

My two children both have birthdays during Christmas week. Weirdly so do a lot of their friends. We always struggle to plan a party for them around Christmas - even the 2 - 3 weekends before Christmas get busy and they are already going to lots of parties. So I have decided to leave their party until mid January. It will be a joint party and a lot of their friends are siblings of each other.

Knowing that a lot of our friends' kids also have birthdays at that time too I texted round yesterday to say that we had something booked (a kind of save the date if you like, as I hadn't got round to writing invites yet). Unfortunately one of my friends has also booked a party on the same day, at the same time for her child. She hadn't told me and I hadn't told her my plans either. A lot of our guests will be the same.

I can't get back my deposit, and neither do I want to as I've already texted round a lot of people and that weekend was a weekend that suited us. I don't know if she can get back her deposit either. Do I just go ahead as planned - accepting the fact that a lot of our guests might choose to go to the other party? (Though going off the replies to my texts most people are able to go to ours).

Do I go ahead as planned? I plan to send our invites out in the next few days.

Yes, you go ahead as planned. It is unfortunate, but there isn't much to be done if you can't cancel. Let the other mother know that you can't cancel and you're sorry there's a clash. Send out invites. That's it.

Thanks BoomBooms. Just feeling really uncomfortable now about sending out the invites when I know its going to be really awkward not just for her but for all the friends that will be invited to both.

Any chance ye can compromise and hold a giant party together?

Are they at the exact same time? Or is there a chance that children may be able to do both if the times don't overlap.

I'd just go ahead with it personally. Can you amend the times slightly so that the parties aren't at the same time and children can go to both? x

I can't change the time of mine as that was the only time the place was available.

My kids are already having a joint party so doesn't seem fair that they would also have to share with someone else as well. Plus, by the time I've added in cousins and out-of-school friends we would be up to capacity really. The other child would basically have to only be inviting the school friends that we are inviting.

I don't think it is silly at all. This is a genuine problem when planning stuff for kids at a busy time of year. I would agree with trying to change the time - ask her if she can do that and then it will be a big party day- all kids wired by the end but it can work. I have done two parties in a day before.

If she can't change hers, I would suggest one or both of you tries being as charming to your venues as possible and ask them if you could change to the other day that weekend because of the clash and keep your deposit. Let's face it, there is plenty of time yet to go - it's not as if it's such short notice that they would be unable to fill the slot. A good company would be generous and flexible even if the T&Cs say not.

If absolutely none of that will work, then you'll have to go ahead.

Even if all the mutual friends go to the other party it sounds like there will still be plenty of kids at yours so go ahead with your plans.

It's a unintentional clash, these things happen.

Even if all the mutual friends go to the other party it sounds like there will still be plenty of kids at yours so go ahead with your plans.

It's a unintentional clash, these things happen.

From what I gather it's the other kids actual birthdays around that time? If it were me I'd change if at all possible, even if it were just the time, surely the venue wouldn't want to lose out on a full booking. Was it a big deposit?
From the sounds of it you're guaraunteed a gang going, can your friend say the same, it would be very disappointing for the kids if one of the parties was a flop and then they had to hear all about the great party in school the next day.

Her child's birthday is same week as my two children. I can't change mine. Her venue said that they can put her party back a week which would be great - but she hasn't made the phonecall to actually confirm the new date yet!! I can't understand why not!? The longer she leaves it the less likely her venue will be able to accommodate a change!

My friend has a Christmas eve birthday for her DC....she always has a party around 24th June..(usually a lovely outdoor pool party)...works well and the DCs as they have got older enjoy it...could you do the same?...Could you have a joint party and agree to pay half each of the non refundable deposit?...My friend and I (3 days between our DSs bdays) quite often had a joint whole class party...got it out of the way, shared costs...separate cakes and singing Happy Birthday etc...it was never an issue for the DCs, sharing...

Marylou the op is unable to change the date or have a joint party