To not be ambitious?

[Celestria]

I was, once upon a time, when I was mid teens and leaving school with great standard grades into a job my teacher put me forward for.

A few years later I was married and had four kids all pretty close together. In all honesty I struggled with life as a mum and wife. I did my best but I guess it was pretty half hearted. I always thought I had wasted myself. I grew up being the 'smart one' in the family and my parents always expected me to go far.

Anyways, fast forward 12 years, one divorce later and I am about to move in with my OH of a year and a half. I've also turned thirty and I've realised that all that desire to have a great career etc has just gone. I went to college as a lone parent and though it was only an NC I was very proud.

Now I work part time at the weekend as a bar tender. Raise my four kids and keep the house in the week. Cook nice meals and generally have become pretty domesticated which once upon a time I detested.

Now I just want to take care of my family. Cleaning the house isn't a chore anymore. I like keeping it clean for them all. I adore cooking and do all sorts, where once I detested it. I like making lunches for my partner and I'm happy with my job.

So what's the AIBU? Well I still meet with opinions that make me feel as though there is something wrong in actually being content to take care of my family and work as a bartender. That I should be wanting more for myself. So aibu to have accepted I'm probably not going to manage to get a high paid career and travel round the world and to find contentment and satisfaction in looking after my family and working part time be it in a bar?

There's a lot of emphasis on having it all, but what that usually translates to is doing it all.

I could have written your post OP! I went to university & have a good degree. But I found getting a job in that field tricky (the whole you need experience catch 22). Anyway, 5 years after finishing my degree & I've have a string of "jobs" but no career. Now I have a little boy & a husband and I can't fathom going back to work. Luckily, we've been able to make that happen for me. I fully intend to be a SAHM for as long as I can. Then once my children are a bit more grown up & independent - well then I'll figure out a career. I figure I'll be working well into my 80s anyway so why does it matter if I start my career at 45 instead of 25. I expect a lot of people who have been working for 20 years fancy a career change anyway.

Funny as this is pretty much exactly my mum's life & hers seems pretty great. She had a career as a microbiologist. Gave it up to be a SAHM for 10 years. Now works as an optician - she is good at it, enjoys it & is successful. Sounds pretty perfect to me!

(I'm nearly 29 btw!) I think being content where you are is great. Nothing stopping you from deciding later on that you've changed your mind & want the career. There is plenty of time for that, kids are only kids once.

I am exactly the same op....I love being a sahm. I enjoy cleaning, cooking, ironing, food shopping etc. I really do see it as my job. If I do ever get an actual paying job again, I can't see myself doing anything more than working in a shop, although I have been to university I don't really want a career.

Do what makes you happy. Contentment is precious, good health is precious. It doesn't matter what other people think. It's your life. Glad you're in such a good place.

You can always change your mind further down the line if you want to.

I don't think there's anything wrong with not being ambitious, as long as you can muster enough ambition to care for yourself and your own when you are called up to do so. Caring and providing for your children is a multi layered thing, and as parents we probably all feel like we are letting some aspects slide at certain times.
The real trouble is the uk 2014 financially is actually a tough place to be, unless you can be propped up. The minimum wage, housing prices/extortionate rents have created so many people where it's a near impossibility to truly support yourself. We shouldn't be normalising this, that working people need to be topped up with benefits when work should be paying a real wage that is enough to pay for adequate housing and food or fuel costs. (Oh dear, just realised this rant might come across as benefit bashing when it isn't, it's bashing the fat cats greed who created minimum wage and deem it a positive.) in a roundabout way what I'm saying is you have to show some ambition to support yourself.

What skylark said ^

You have chosen a tough job, not by any means an easy life.

I agree OP. My ambition died out long ago. Twice I went for more "challenging" roles and it didn't work out either time because I just became anxious and stressed. I learned that just because you can do something does not mean it is necessarily right for you.
What makes you happy as a pig in shit? Try to do those things as much as possible.
I used to get the same berating comments from an ex friend over lack of ambition. She is a career woman, always doing some impressive activity. No partner or kids. Apparently I was rubbish because my priorities are family, home, health and happiness and not "striving to be better".

So aibu to have accepted I'm probably not going to manage to get a high paid career and travel round the world and to find contentment and satisfaction in looking after my family and working part time be it in a bar?

Ha! 2 AIBUs for the price of one here

So yes YABU to think that at the tender age of 30 (!!!) you, a bright, accomplished, and resouceful woman, are "not going to manage" to get a fancy job, or do some exciting travelling (at some point - 4 kids can out paid to lots of youthful ideas of adventure. :) )

And no, YANBU to enjoy the life you've made for yourself and to decide that what you are doing suits you and makes you happy.

For every mother who is told she cannot possibly be happy by staying at home and looking after her kids, there's another career-driven woman who's told she cannot possibly be happy without a partner and children. If what you're doing makes you happy AND is the best thing for you and your family, I'd say you're onto a good thing - there are plenty of people going out to work/not going out to work for the sake of their kids, when the opposite would make them happy.

I wish I could afford not to be ambitious but as a single mum I have to work. However when I have tried roles such as being a teacher I got very anxious and stressed and I'm now loving life as a TA.

There is always a part of me that feels that I am not fulfilling my potential though... A part of me that wants to be successful in a field. I just hope that I can find that special something that I can love and make money out of.

I love making my home nice, cooking and cleaning etc and that's why I have a job rather than a career BUT it is not enough for me.

I don't think the way I feel is conducive to happiness so good on you op for embracing your role and seeing it's value.

I think your parents put expectations on you, you have carried the burden of not doing what they expected. Now you have found peace. Thats all good.

I don't have much career ambition either. I'm quite content with my lot and just happy to enjoy what comes tbh.

I am also married, 30 with 4 dc. I am half way through a degree at the moment and our lives have changed dramatically to allow me to do this. EVERYONE thinks I am aiming for some big career and that's why we have sacrificed DHs wage (he only works part time now so he can look after the dc while I am at Uni). They are wrong, I don't want a career, I just love the subject and wanted to study it - so I am. They can't get their heads around why we would struggle on with less income just because I enjoy it... I can't think of a better reason! and its great for pissing off the inlaws too!

If you're genuinely happy and content, fuck what anyone else says.

I was also the bright one, the academic achiever, but I'm not ambitious for promotion or prestige at work - more for happiness and a work-life balance. My dad often laments this and points out that I could run my (large) department - which, if true, would come at the cost of my work-life balance and family time. So I wouldn't want to. You find your own happiness in this life. What others think is a bit of an irrelevance really.