Whose fault - Parent 1 or Parent 2?

[chandellina]

Family had a long, sad day at funeral of close family member. Day included battling both sides of London rush hour with 3 year old and 6 year old. Pizza restaurant on way home seems like good idea.

While waiting for food, 3 year old is violently ill in corridor between tables. Parents decide one will walk 5 minutes home, fetch car, and come back to pick up family and food.

While Parent 2 pays bill, Parent 1 pulls up in illegal parking space nearby. Parent 2, in restaurant but able to see Parent 1 calls Parent 1 and asks for help getting children, bags and food out of restaurant, and for cash to tip staff who have just cleaned up vomit. Bill has already been paid by card. A legal parking space is across the street.

Parent 2, gathering bags and digging for change, looks out window to see Parent 1 rushing back to car with 6 year old, carrying food. Suddenly 3 year old comes into view behind them, running along with restaurant worker by child's side.

Parent 2 quickly follows, whilst apologising to staff for having to chase after child and the broader vomit issue.

Parents, now both in car, immediately blame each other for bad situation. Parent 1 is furious that Parent 2 wasn't minding 3 year old to see child running after Parent 1 out of restaurant. Parent 2 is livid that there was no communication or handover, after having asked by phone for help, and intending to walk out door together.

How best to apportion blame?

It was a horrendous day all around. I think everyone was stressed and there should be apologies from both and no blaming. What is the point?

It seems to me everyone has had a bad day. Will apportioning blame improve matters?

I think getting to bed is best for everyone. Blame isn't going to change what happened.

I couldnt really be arsed apportioning blame.

Don't apportion blame. A really difficult, emotional & draining day for everyone. A child sick was the last thing you needed. No harm has been done, you, your children & partner are all safe in the car. Put it behind you & be thankful for each other to get through this difficult day with. Hope tomorrow is better.

I think you both need to give eachother a break - sounds hideous. Someone put the kettle on and give eachother a hug x

No blame, just love.

It's been a really awful day, so be kind to yourself and to each other.

You've had a shit day. Kiss and make up.

No one and both of you.

Bad day. Hug each other instead.

Don't blame.

Get the kids to bed, have a cup of tea and try to forget about it - it was just a shit situation all round.

I'm sorry you had a bad day

Shit happens, why do you feel the need to apportion blame.

No blame. Hugs and sleep needed all round.

Parent 2 asked for help with childREN and therefore parent 1 should have taken responsibility for both unless discussion was had with parent 2.
....but not worth getting upset over or causing argument: both stressed, communication difficult in that situation, no harm done.
Hugs all round and chalk it up to experience.

Parents 1&2 to hug each other and to be glad that day is over and everyone is home. Kettle on or wine open. Sorry you've both had a dreadful day.

No one needs to be blamed, it's just one of those shit days where things don't run smoothly and crap happens.

Apportioning blame isn't going to help the situation.

They both sound ineffectual. Illegal parking, not supervising kids properly.

As others have said, please just show each other some love and empathy. Why should any blame be apportioned? I find that ver sad (although admittedly easy for me to say as I wasn't in that position)

It doesn't matter OP. You've had a difficult day and you were both tired and stressed out.

Have a cuddle and a cry together.

I'm sorry for your family's loss

Oh dear, forget about blame and just try to relax after an awful day.

Neither of you should be looking to blame the other. You had had a SERIOUSLY stressful day and then to top it all, another awful event happen. You both then sought to vent the frustrations of the day out on each other. NOTHING HAPPENED.
Yes, it is not desirable that a child is running about loose near a road but NOTHING happened. We all make mistakes. If you post, are always right and a perfect Mother then you are the only one in the UK.
I am afraid you both need to recognise that having and bringing up children is very stressful and stop ( when it all gets too much) taking it out on your nearest and dearest.
Relax, be nice to one another and be loving and kind and forgiving.
Your DC will have witnessed your stress head behaviour and it will have worried them. NOTHING happened. Be glad!

Apportioning blame won't help.

Both parents need a hug and some wine or something and a plan for future situations.

Analysing things is good if the aim is to prevent a repeat of the situation but extremely damaging if the aim is to fight it out about who is at fault or more at fault.

Just agree it was crap all round, a bad day, and move on.

Nobody. Crap day. Have wine and hot chocolate according to age and a cry. Watch some Pingu all together (or is that just us?). Cuddles all round. Bed. Tomorrow is another day.

but I bet the OP is parent 2

This day needs to be written off, no blame, just be really kind to yourselves and each other.

Both, neither it doesn't really matter. Clearly both parents had completely different ideas of how the whole thing would play out, both were stressed and both wanted to get out of there asap. It doesn't matter who 'wins', just that nothing bad happened, the end result was that everyone got home safely and that being the first to apologise will make you feel better. You don't have to accept all the blame even - just say 'I'm sorry we fought earlier - it was silly to get so worked up over it all and I don't want to fall out.'

Wow, thanks for all the lovely replies. I'm being slightly tongue in cheek about blame. I reckon it's around 50-50, but yes basically shit happens and sometimes things don't go to plan.