Seeing someone for first time after a big argument

[Amber76]

I had a big falling out with my sister over three months ago. Long story in a nutshell is that she said I don't supervise my children properly and that they are badly behaved. This is not true. And she said I was a rude person and had lied about things in the past. Didn't lie about issue in question and don't think I'm rude - she didn't give any examples to back up. I didn't insult her in anyway - the falling out was about her accusing me of things and me defending myself.

Anyway, I tried to sort it out by email but that just made it worse. She stuck by what she said and didn't apologise for the things she said. We've had no contact since - we would usually have seen each other once a week or so.

Her 4 year old is having a birthday party this weekend and we were included in the general family invite. We'll go to keep a general sort of family peace and because I'm fond of my niece and want to cousins to see each other. But I am so allergic. Any advice?

We have never fallen out like this before. We didn't really get on when we were young - she is 7 years older than me and we had a difficult upbringing. But we grew closer as we got older - for the last 15/20 years we would have been quiet close. I'm nearly 40.

The hard thing about this is that she is not hot tempered - she is normally very reasonable and I have always respected her opinion. But what she has said is wrong - I understand it might have been said in the heat of the moment but she had an opportunity to explain herself in email and just stuck by what she said.

I won't get drawn into any discussion about the argument at the party (or at least I hope I won't) as its not the time and place.

My sister has five children - part of the problem is that she considers herself an expert. And I would have always listened to her advice up to now.

But she was incredibly judgemental of me and I find I can't just forget about it.

Maybe she wants a sixth and she feels some sort of sadness she can't and resentment at you having younger DCs. .

No, I don't think she wants any more kids. Honestly, I've grasped at straws myself to understand this!

I think she has resented me for a long time and it just sort of exploded. And I had no idea it was building up in her before the argument - so it has really made me question how I am as person that I didn't see she had issues with me. I genuinely would have considered us to be very close and am amazed that it has come to this - me dreading going to her home for a few hours. The invitation came via another family member so she didn't even take that opportunity to build bridges - and I think we're only invited so that other family members can see how "reasonable" she is being.

I wouldn't go TBH. Like someone else said, send a nice present to show you're not holding your argument against the children. Would you be happy for your children to go with another family member, so they see their cousin? Is that an option?