NC'd regular in case SIL reads this...
Background - DH and I live in a different country from our families, and have done for the last 15 years, since we each went away to uni. DH and i are academic types and are regarded as somewhat useless, socially and domestically, by our families - with some justification. We have never been any good at cooking for guests (we eat healthily, but not glamourously), entertaining (except our own friends) or polite smalltalk (except the sort we'd happily do with our own friends and colleagues).
DH's parents prefer eating out in very expensive restaurants, to home cooking; so on the extremely rare occasions I've had the opportunity to cook for them, they haven't liked it much (though they were very polite at the time). They regard DH having learnt to cook as a very amusing foible of his and seem to think it's because I won't let him eat out more often.
SIL is more down to earth about cooking vs eating out and nutrition vs. perfect entertaining; but she is herself a very good cook indeed, as well as a general domestic goddess type hostess, perfect modern mother of lovely children, has good career, is always wise and considered in her statements, groomed and polished, etc etc. In comparison I am a useless scruffy gobby ill-considered non-achiever in life, as is DH.
SIL has hosted Christmas with help from BIL, MIL and FIL and her FIL, every year since I have been on the scene. DH and I have always been banned from the kitchen, with a slight feeling that we're too useless to contribute anything. FIL contributes the carefully-chosen, exorbitantly-priced wine and always makes comments about the fact I don't drink and that DH doesn't drink more than a glass any more. SIL's FIL contributes expensive ingredients and makes comments about the fact we wouldn't be able to get stuff like caviar, quail's eggs, and gold leaf, on our salaries/where we live... We're also ushered out of the way re playing with the kids, also with the feeling that PIL and SIL and BIL all agree that we're likely to get it wrong so they should band together to prevent us messing everything up.
This year, SIL is hosting Christmas while being 39.5 weeks pregnant, with her 3 other kids aged 4 (twins) and 6. The envisaged Christmas is much as usual. To me this seems absolutely bonkers and masochistic for SIL.
I emailed her, ccing DH, to ask if she'd like us to do more generally, cook for her, shop for her, do WHATEVER to give her a bit of a break as (while of course we don't know from personal experience) she seems likely to actually want to put her feet up, by that stage of pregnancy.
However, there's been no answer, and I'm now worried that actually she will see this as me assuaging my own conscience by making empty offers that are so weak that she can't accept due to the likely outcome of terrible food/ lowered standards. 
What do you all wish your useless relatives would do to make your Christmases easier? (I don't think "not turn up in the country" is an acceptable option).