I did not ever imagine myself being someone who would write a thread like this, even I think it is ridiculous but I am tying myself up in knots over it. Apologies for the essay!
I have a friend (lets call her Joanne), I am godmother to her son. We are from the same town but met as adults through a hobby. We have lots of mutual friends. I live an hour away now.
I have a group of friends that I travel back to my hometown to socialize with, Joanne came along fairly frequently until this time last year. She has a lively social life that I am not part of but we joined up our respective social circles from time to time if you see what I mean. All was well until one of her very close friends and one of mine had a public, unpleasant fall out. Shortly following, Joanne was overheard by my friend saying some spiteful things about her daughter (aged 10). I left it alone as I didn't hear it myself, had my other friend chosen to tackle her about it that would have been her choice but she shrugged it off - they were not close.
Joanne recently took me to task over her 'exclusion' from this group. It is fair to say that I do not invite her to join us anymore, instead seeing her alone, as it is very awkward. When she pushed me on it, I explained why. She cried and insisted that I help mend fences with group and tell them it was out of context. She then went onto say that it was OK if my friends were travelling to me for social reasons but if I was coming back to our hometown to see them, she must be invited. In her view, it is unfair not to ask her along and she feels foolish being left out, apparently it has been remarked on by her husband and neighbours that I have been 'seen' in town without her.
I object hugely to being dictated to like this. I am a known soft touch where my friends are concerned and I don't imagine that Joanne would be saying her invitation is mandatory to anyone else. I don't really want to be a mediator for her - other friend is not arsed as by her estimation they were acquaintances at best, there is no way she will forget what was said though I doubt she would make a scene. I am not invited to each and every social occasion of Joanne's nor would I expect to be. A nagging voice in my head forces to me to admit that I think slightly less of Joanne now than I did before (it was some very shocking things she said) so it is true I have made less effort to see her, maybe every 2-3 mths as oppose to monthly. This is probably partly why she is being like this.
So WWYD? Do I have to inform her of my intention to travel to her town (my hometown) and invite her along? Or do I let her know I will be there but make it clear that I will see her 'next time' thus basically saying 'you are unwelcome'. I do not want to hurt her but I don't want to have to basically ask permission to see my friends (and visit my family). I fear what I do here will set the tone forever...stupid politics, I am in my 30's FFS