Just not sure anymore ......

[emmameghan]

So first time posting, I am a single mum of two teenage girls (13 and 16). I have been with my partner for 8 years, we don’t live together, but we were thinking of doing so. My DD’s live with me full time, I used to encourage them to see their dad but he is a complete waste of space and now they are older, I have left it up to them. My DM has Alzheimer’s and as I am an only child I support my dad with caring for her. I also work full time. The problem is my partner is not happy that we don’t spend enough time together on our own, now that my daughters don’t stay with their dad overnight. His children are now all grown up, so he has plenty of spare time. He wants to talk about it, but I really don’t know what I can say. My oldest DD has not had an easy time at school although she has recently turned a corner and is trying hard to catch up with her GCSE work, but this has been a very stressful time. Just feel a bit gutted that he doesn’t seem to understand all the stress I am under and feel he should be more supportive. He announced this out of the blue yesterday, am feeling very teary today..... Would really appreciate your views.

Could you not just tell him what you've told us in your op ? Nothing you have described sounds odd or unreasonable. If he's known you for 8 years and has grown up children himself he understands the time you have to devote to your girls, and knows the situation with your parents.

It's lovely that he wants to spend more time just with you, but he must see that only one of you has lots of spare time. You say you feel teary, is that because he approached the subject in a judgemental way or that you feel he might be pulling away from you because of this ?

You also have a lot on your plate, so are you feeling teary that your life is pretty much given over to caring for others just now, and you would like more time just with him ?

Hopefully if he sees it's circumstances dictating things at the moment he will be more understanding and supportive. If he can't/won't support you, then I guess that's a whole other conversation.

Don't know what to suggest - except that you try to talk to him about it. The girls are old enough to be left for some time so spending an evening at his place, (and coming home at night), might give you time talk this through.

It is very hard fro you now. I do understand when you have multiple responsibilities like this. Good luck with it. If he cares enough he will understand but I wouldn't expect it immediately