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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'There is no way I am not kissing you when you're like that'

42 replies

whiskeylemsip · 17/11/2014 11:53

Right. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. Been seeing guy for five months. For whatever reason (mainly busy work/social lives on both sides) we haven't had 'the talk' and have been just steadily dating each other a couple of times a week. Last night after a lovely evening at a concert he asked me to be his girlfriend. Very happy, said yes.

I've had a cold coming on for a couple of days and been coughing at night. I stay at his quite often, in fact he's only stayed over at mine once. (nicer house, bigger bed, more centrally located than where I am) so as it was getting toward last train times I said I'd dash off as I didn't want to disturb him during the night being under the weather. He said not to be silly, he wanted me to come back with him. He seemed quite affronted I didn't want to stay because I had a cold and insisted he really wanted me to, so off we went.

Still in early stages so we do tend to have sex whenever we can. So we're in bed, he's put some music on but he's facing the other way when I come in. I've got a lemsip and probably don't look as appealing as normal due to obvious cold symptoms... so I try and cuddle up to him...

Eventually he turns over and says he cannot bring himself to kiss me because of my cold, and he doesn't want to have sex as it's weird without kissing. That was it, no good night hug or anything ..he sort of stroked me with his foot down my leg!

I don't know if I'm being over sensitive..I just felt a bit gross and rejected. I mean, colds are not nice but if he had a cold I don't think I'd outright shun him!

I had an early start this morning (after a night of worrying my coughing was disturbing him so not really sleeping) and when I got up to go he did the leg stroking thing again!

OP posts:
GarlicNovember · 17/11/2014 13:42

He said not to be silly, he wanted me to come back with him. He seemed quite affronted I didn't want to stay because I had a cold and insisted he really wanted me to, so off we went.

Yep, this is the weird bit. OK if he didn't mind swapping germs with you, but very peculiar to push you into going home with him, only to reject you!

Currently a flag, imo. Exact colour remains to be seen.

cardamomginger · 17/11/2014 13:44

YAB a bit sensitive and U. But I think he was BU for pretty much insisting that you stayed over when you were up for going home.

Sallyingforth · 17/11/2014 13:46

I think you're over-thinking it. He seems a decent guy but it's early days and you will learn more about him with time. Were you by any chance sniffing or coughing a lot? That can put people off.

BreakingDad77 · 17/11/2014 14:22

No kiss on the neck? no spooning, no offer to rub vicks on your 'chest'?

If he had started to initiate sex would you have reciprocated?

Getting a cold, what a wimp, I never cared when wife got ill still give hugs etc.

whois · 17/11/2014 14:41

So you actively want to I've him your cold? You're mean.

No kissing during a cold is standard practice in my relationship. The non-Ilol person can kiss the ill persons neck, back etc but the ill person can't get their snot/salver on the healthy one!

whiskeylemsip · 17/11/2014 15:09

I definitely would have reciprocated Breakingbad77.

Whois- I don't think I was being mean. I was happy to go back to my own place and was worried about disturbing him with coughing. He insisted it was fine.

Sticking a foot over and stroking my leg a couple of times made me feel like a horrid plague infested mess! It's only a cold. But I can see where everyone's coming from. I just think he could have been a bit nicer about it.

OP posts:
Preciousbane · 17/11/2014 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yambabe · 17/11/2014 16:11

DH and I often do the leg-stroking thing, he has kidney stone problems and struggles to sleep in certain positions so if he's got comfortable with his back to me it's his way of saying "I'm still here touching you, I'm not ignoring you"

To me it's a nice thing Smile

BreakingDad77 · 17/11/2014 16:45

Initially thought this was going to be a post about him being over amorous when your like death warmed up?

I'm a little with GarlicNovember, it is a bit odd.

Does he usually run immediately into the shower after sex etc? Some people can be bit OCD.

Bulbasaur · 17/11/2014 17:01

I do anything outside a quick peck when DH has a cold, and even then it's a cuddle and a kiss on the cheek/forehead.

I guess he could have said good night, and gave you a hug. I'd talk to him about that perhaps if it's bugging you.

But I wouldn't kiss or have sex with DH while he's sick.

whiskeylemsip · 17/11/2014 17:28

Never noticed any OCD behaviour before. He apologised today. Said he realises he can be too blunt about things. He's certainly right about that! He's just got into cycling and said he was worried a cold would put a spanner in his training programme.

OP posts:
BreakingDad77 · 17/11/2014 17:31

He's just got into cycling and said he was worried a cold would put a spanner in his training programme

Inserts 'Serious business meme'. Like how serious?

whiskeylemsip · 17/11/2014 17:35

Ha, serious enough that we plan dates around this bloody programme, as he's determined to stick with it rigidly for the ten weeks. He has to do certain distances/terrains on specific days of the week, from what I can gather.

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 17/11/2014 17:47

Still in early stages so we do tend to have sex whenever we can.

So he would rather ride his bloody bike than meet up with you for sex?

LTB at once!

whiskeylemsip · 17/11/2014 18:10

On reflection I probably looked awful. Red nose, eyes, the works. I just think he could have spared my feelings slightly. I do sort of think if you have a future with someone you can be nice about it when they very occasionally look like shit!

OP posts:
JohnFarleysRuskin · 17/11/2014 18:43

It's not odd! He just didn't want a cold.

Gillian1980 · 17/11/2014 18:55

I don't find it odd.

He wanted your company even though (as far as he thought) sex wasn't on the agenda due to you being poorly.

My DH and I do the leg rub like that if we don't want to cuddle but want to show we're still there and being affectionate.

I don't like kissing when I'm full if cold and would want to kiss DH if he was either. I would still cuddle though.

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