To be so stupid that I don't know how to get my toddler to STAY IN BED!!!!!!

[mameulah]

Just that.

Sorry if wrong section but am exhausted and weary as and exhausted.

I'm another who also has a cotbed with the sides up for as long as possible. Cotbed are bigger than cots, and this has been really successful for us (in terms of sleep, we fail at all other points, but our kids never hop out of bed themselves unless it is morning!).

Dd4 is 3 in January and is still in the cotbed with sides attached. She will be for a good six months yet.

There should be some manual you get before you have dcs recommending cotbed for this purpose. We happened on an ace cotbed, that also allows you to co sleep by taking only one side off

Only problem with cot beds with sides on is the are dangerous if you have a climber. Just over 2 ds1 climbed out and fell head first onto the floor (monkey child and the height of a three year old at 2yrs).

Peepeeinthepotty - if she's not crying then I would leave her to potter. As long as they are in their room, quiet and not crying I'd leave her to it.

We had no choice but to use the 'big' bed. Moved house and the cot was damaged in the move. It's not a toddler bed but a single one with a lip all the way around iykwim. She's been in it since January when we moved. shes still pottering in there now. Singing let it go and the bing bong song we don't even nap in the day. She must be tired. Gooooo tooooo sleeeeep. Hope the OP is sleeping

I sit with mine til they sleep.

Doesn't take long if they're tired plus I quite like it as we chat etc before they drift off (yes I do get annoyed at times as well).

However as ds gets older, (just turned 5), he doesn't need me there anymore and happily falls asleep while I'm sorting dd out in the bathroom (they share a room) - as long as he can hear me, he is happy enough.

My three year old is still in a ego bag which restricts climbing.

I realise I've been lucky with ds1 who has always been a good sleeper and even now at 4.4 still waits for us to get him up and will quite happily snooze until 8/9am.

However I'm fully expecting the whole up and down carry on with ds2 who didn't sleep through till age of 2 and wakes everyone in the morning. For now, he's happy in his grobag and cotbed. If it ain't broke and all that

OP if it were me I'd secure the room and leave your child to it, that way they will learn they won't get attention when it's lights out time. The only toys my dc have in their rooms are their soft toys. Bedrooms are for sleeping. The rest are in the playroom.

Ours were climbers so in beds v young. Mainly we put stair gate up and scooped sleeping child from landing when we went to bed ourselves. This too shall pass

Gro-clock and a star chart. The clock is worth every penny.

If you do decide to go for the returning to bed strategy, make a note of how many times you do it. The first night will probably shock you, but seeing the number creep down will make it easier even if it feels like nothing's improving. I would have sworn that I spent as long the second night as the first, but it was 15 times compared to 38 or something, then 10 the next night and after about a week, we didn't hear a peep out of him and could just leave him to it. Good luck!

You are not stupid .my first two perfect sleepers 3rd total nightmare. If he had been first he would have been an only child. Some good advice here but it so bloody boring constantly battling the demonic non sleeper so I am sending you a big hug and an even bigger bottle of wine

My Ds use to do this.

I took all the toy's out of his room and left a couple of teddies (he's 2 and currently in a double divan bed till I get his Car's toddler bed) In the end I'd leave and he'd be out. So I simply stopped doing it! He'd chuck his mattress on the floor and fall asleep on the slats or He soon found out it wasn't all that comfy sleeping on the wooden floor in winter! after a couple of days he stayed in bed or at least got back into bed himself.

Have you tried a tent? I did this in the summer and he stayed in the tent having a camping night to the point of I had to take it down when he was at nursery as he wouldn't sleep in the bed lined it with a thick duvet his pillow and some teddy's.

It gets easier I promise, he also has a stair gate on his door so could try that?

We have just taken the side off to try and get a clean slate for bedtime, it had turned into a battle and the cot bars seemed to be the focus of DD's anger.

I love I, I can sit on the end of the bed and every time she tries to get up, swipe her legs out from under her. No more bending and lifting. It took an hour the first night and although we have had longer since, she doesn't try and get up constantly any more, she has learnt I will put her down faster than she can get up

We need to work on the gradual retreat bit now... We are quite a long way from the ideal bedtime but a lot closer than we were a month ago!

Meant to add, no talking, no eye contact. Toddlers don't distinguish between positive and negative attention. I stare at her wall stickers and imagine how big the animals would be if they were real!

My dd is 2.3 has a host of soft toys she likes to sleep with I tell her that if I hear her out of bed she will loose the privilege of sleeping with them. It mostly works I tend to ignore small noises but if I hear definite playing or leaving of bedroom I only have to call up "you're not out of bed are you?" to hear the satisfying scurry of feet back to bed. I have obviously had to take them off her a few times for this to work.
But that won't work if they don't have anything they like cuddling, I also let my dd have a couple of books to take to bed so she can "read" before she falls asleep? Another privilege I can threaten to/remove if needs be.

A stairgate and leave him to it approach here. These days the stair gate rarely needs closing. I don't mind him pootling quietly around the room. He was ok when the cot bars went down when I had too much bump to bend over the cot and lift. He tried his luck when he changed bed and bedroom.

I also think it's really important to realise that it's actually a parents job to insist on a toddler doing as you tell them. It's a battle you must win.

If toddlers sense you are wobbling or a pushover they will grasp the upper hand and rule the roost.

It shouldn't matter if they are in a cot with sides or a bed. They should do as you tell them because you are In charge and you know best.

I know all of you are right but it really is exhausting, especially as we have a fourteen week old baby as well. Am so hoping tomorrow is easier!

DS is 11. I've just told him bloody sternly to get back into bed. I'm sure we'll get there eventually...

I stay with my 4yo until she is asleep, usually less than 30 mins. She has never been in a cot, straight from co-sleeping to bed and comes and gets me if she wakes up. We taught her at age 1 how to get off the bed and left doors open so she could find us.

We've never done any 'training' and she sleeps wonderfully. I refused to make it a battle. If she doesn't want to go to bed and kicks up a fuss, we just don't go to bed yet. Hardly ever happens, but she knows bedtime isn't about battles it's about getting the rest you need when you are tired.

Just giving you a hippy alternative

Not sure how old your toddler is, but this us how we have done things...
0-13m co-sleeping.
13m - full size single bed.
Single bed meant it was nice to cuddle and read stories and then wait until he was asleep. Yes, sometimes this took AGES but totally worth it because 2yrs 10m - he acknowledged 'grown-up time' (which he seems to associate with the dark now, so grown-up time starts at about 4pm .
We have a baby too, so know where you're coming from.
If toddler wakes in the night, he sometimes goes into the spare room with my partner whilst I co-sleep with our baby.
Try to go with the flow. Not worth stressing. Now we kind of miss snuggling with him to sleep. Good luck!

Should say, once grown-up time was recognised, this meant he could be left awake after a couple of stories and has yet to potter downstairs. Usually goes off to sleep.

[flower] congrats on your baby op!

It is really tricky, and it is hard to see the wood for the trees. all our dcs were rubbish sleepers. We had an average 20 month gap between them and they were all breastfed past 1 year (generally), so bf to sleep and in our experience it causes other sleeps issues.

I did, and still do, stay with them to sleep when they are small. It's easier nowadays with an iPad to do it then back in the old days with a distracting laptop! But I still stay with our almost 3 yo til she is asleep. She shares with my 4 yo who still gets it by default. If you are bf, could be a good chance to feed and iPad/mumsnet?

Lots of solidarity from me, I've spent a long time working through our sleep issues, especially as controlled crying is definitely not my thing and I create my own anxiety about having a non-anxious bed time. All I can say is that when I'm in with my 2&4yo, my 6&7 yo are reading and settling themselves to sleep. Perhaps playing a quiet game. The they'll to sleep and will sleep through the night (barring the occasional bad dream). It will get better!

it is exhausting (i imagine especially since you are up with a baby in the night). My advice is to pick the method that works for you first as it's much less stressful if you are in for the longhaul that way.

It will get better though. We did gradual retreat with dd and it took 4 months to get her to stay in bed. We had hardly any tears and within a few days of starting she was asleep within 15 minutes. Ds was trickier: it took around 8 months to get him to stay in bed (and up to around 3 hours a night, we tried gradual retreat which made him angry as we weren't talking to him, rapid return which was a fab game and was sometimes taking 250 returns before he got tiredand he only stayed in bed once we bought a new proper sized bed with a bedguard and took him out of the cotbed) and it then took another 5 months to get him to sleep through. We successfully used gradual retreat in the night though.

I have never met another child who took as long as ds though and we managed to get through it and now he sleeps really well!

Gro Clocks are magic!
We got one to stop getting up early but its also useful to get DS to go to bed too.
We read him a couple of stories in bed then he is allowed to get up and switch the sun to stars. He says goodnight to the sun, watches it change and then gets back in bed. If he gets up we tell him its night time because the stars are out (and repeat if necessary).Usually we only need to put him back once.

It is bloody hard op but honestly it gets much much better if you are firm and consistent now. if you have the energy have a