To think DH was very rude?

[AnonymousBird]

DH is rather OCD when it comes to stuff around the house. He always has been, we've "had words" before about the unreasonable extent of it, and to be fair to him, he tries quite hard to keep a lid on it, takes deep breaths when the kids have their stuff out everywhere as he knows that it will get put away later and so on. He has a bit of a track record for ridiculous things to get worked up about when he can't keep a lid on it. eg. Someone had moved the sofa (about 2-3 inches), and he wanted to know about it. I told him to get a life, just move it back if it bothers you.

So, this morning, when he dumped a leaking bin bag on the wooden floor and went to have a shower I felt the need to point this out, why didn't he put it in the sink or outside the door like we always do. Anyway, he simply said "I can't hear what you are saying as the door is closed" and THEN slammed the door to go into the shower. Apparently I shouldn't say anything, I should just move the bin bag and clean up the mess (which I did before the dog moved in for her go). And how on earth should he know it was leaking (errr..... bin bags often do?)

I challenged him on what his reaction would have been if I had been the one to leave the leaking bin bag in the middle of the hallway and he seems to think (ha bloody ha) that he wouldn't have said anything!!!! This is the man who feels the need to point out that one solitary baked bean has been left in the sink and he thought I would believe that he wouldn't have had a go at me if I had done what he did!! 16 years of experience tells me he is utterly deluded on this.

It isn't the greatest crime or the biggest deal, but it is absolutely without any shadow of a doubt something that would work him into a total frenzy should anyone else have done it, and it was his attitude that just made me so cross, and the rudness of "can't hear you, the door is closed" and then just slamming the door.

When he came down, he did slightly grudgingly say sorry, but said we thought we were equally to blame. Anyway, he was then going out and made a point of saying he didn't want to go out on bad terms, which I didn't want either, but really, this has got my goat, more than anything for a while.

Sorry it's long, I needed to vent.

It sounds like he has double standards - he can rant and rave about the smallest thing but you have to keep quiet about something significant like a binbag left in the middle of the floor. Why on earth did he leave it there anyway, why not put it out back in the bin or out in the outside bin?

I would talk to him again tonight and say seeing as you are not allowed to mention anything amiss that he does around the house, the same rule applies to him and all mentions of sofas moved or solitary baked beans will be met with blankness.

Surely he's just giving you some of your attitude back of 'get a life, just move it back if it bothers you.'

You both sound very rude to each other. Get a life? Is that how you generally speak to each other?

Right, every single comment from beans to sofas in future are to be met with the words 'leaking binbag in hallway' delivered in a disinterested monotone. Then if he gets annoyed, you say 'Sorry, I'm not interested, I could run up to the shower and slam the door if you need any further pointers?'

Every single time.

Do you think he left the bin bag there to piss you off, or was it just him rushing to get ready?
He sounds controlling with his OCD stuff, but you sound like you let him know it's not on.
Do you feel on edge before he comes home?

Yanbu. Who on earth leaves a bin bag full of rubbish in the middle of the floor anyway?

Ok, maybe some people do but it's odd behaviour from someone who cares very much about cleanliness and neatness.

I'm not sure what you expected after you were rude to him.

I think you're showing a huge lack of understanding as to how it feels to have OCD and maybe if you could look into this more some of the tension in the house might diffuse? It doesn't excuse displays of anger from him (or you) but OCD is horrible, made worse when you are ridiculed for it.

Surely he's just giving you some of your attitude back of 'get a life, just move it back if it bothers you.'

I don't think the two are comparable - a slightly moved sofa isn't necessarily an issue which needs remedying, so if someone has a preference for having it exactly where they want it then they can just move it without needing a post mortem. A leaking bin bag in a hallway is unacceptable by almost everyone's standards and needs dealing with asap, and objecting to someone leaving it there is eminently reasonable.

Whilst OCD must be debilitating to live with, surely it is possible to minimise the impact it has on others by involving them as little as possible? Demanding explanations and inquests into how things have come to be slightly out of place isn't necessary, whereas I think asking someone why they have dumped leaking rubbish in a communal area is much more understandable.

Wow, you both sound very rude. Where's the respect, understanding and communication?!

I might be wrong but I don't think OP's DH actually has OCD as in having been diagnosed with the condition - which of course is a very difficult condition to live with - it's more to do with him having incredibly high 'housekeeping' standards which he expects to be maintained.

Sounds like a controlling arse of a husband to me.

Idiot.

He'd drive me to drink.

Though with the door, did he mean the bathroom door, not the shower door?

Has he been diagnosed with OCD? If so then you are being incredibly unfeeling to tell him to "get a life".

If he hasn't been then you can't describe somebody as being a little bit or rather OCD, the same way you can't be a little bit diabetes

Kudos on lasting this long without killing each other.