To feel sad by this article on marital sex

[SoddingCupcakes]

www.huffingtonpost.com/meg-conley/five-reasons-you-should-h_b_5647291.html

Sent to me by a male friend (that, in itself, deserves an eye roll). I can't pinpoint the exact reason for the depth of sadness this article triggers. Thoughts are:

1. It's unsisterly. Something doesn't sit right about a woman telling all other women what they should be doing for their menz.

1. It does not account for physiological differences between the sexes (men do not endure pregnancy, childbirth and lactation, and all that those things do to a woman's body and her sex drive).

1. There are other ways to show affection.

1. Every night??

1. The insidious way the article tries to dress its advice in a cloak of female empowerment.

"As a mother I eat stress for breakfast."

1. Bizarre metaphor.

1. Not all mothers are stress-ridden martyrs.

1. I ignore anyone who starts a sentence "as a mother" (or as an anything other than human being, tbh).

It's all just cobblers really isn't it. She's taken what works for her in her relationship and assumed that every other couple in the whole world is the same

Not all women have lower sex drives than their partners
Not all mothers are SAHP
Not all men want sex every day
etc etc etc and so on

The other weird thing is that it takes into account none of the natural ups and downs of life. For both men and women sex drive and even enjoyment of sex varies through their lives and dependent on circumstances. Some people might go through phases of wanting sex more than once a day, or hardly at all. Mental health or physical problems and/or medication might kill the sex drive temporarily or for the longer term. Pregnancy and childbirth have a big impact for women - many get extremely frisky during parts of pregnancy and then not at all for some time afterwards. Stress, due to work or children, tiredness/exhaustion will play a part.

And so on forever.

"Ladies you need to fuck your husband once a day" seems like a very simplistic message really.

She also lost me when she started with the whole idea that women stay at home with the kids and do all the housework while the man goes out to provide in a job that wears him out....

that's what I thought anyway. Not impressed.

YABU to feel sad it's just a load of the usual tripe. I can't help suspecting that ridiculous articles like this are written by men.

As a mumsnetter, I laughed at u2s response.

The writer lost me at 'five'

OP, don't let it make you sad. Sex sells. These articles are "daring" and "naughty". Yawn. Ignore.

I read as far as the first line of point 2 before thinking same shit different day.

Yet another person assuming that men's right to sex is more important than a women's right to not want sex.

And belittling men in to animals who can't control themselves without access to regular sex.

Shame on her for writing this, shame on the society that thinks this is acceptable.

Maybe if men did more child and house care their wives wouldn't be too knackered to have sex every night.

Completely ridiculous article and made me think I had time warped back to the 1950s

ILovePud He's not getting much sex from his wife. I'm not getting much sex from my husband, so I think he's hankering for a fuck buddy relationship. Could be wrong.

Eek- then I would be 'sad'

But how on earth do you know this about each other?

Penelope you just vocalised all the points of my sadness better than I even could.

What a lot of ridiculous claptrap. When was this trash written,1960 maybe ? What the writer fails to mention is that we are all individual, all have differing needs and that refers to both sexes. I don't have a partner and would love some intimacy but past events in my life have scared me away from getting too close to anyone male or female. So I carry on alone which suits me. That article is demeaning men as well as women. We are not sexual machines and if said author had to resort to sneaking glimpses of Cosmo while in the salon at 16 she is/was really devoid of any sex education

Asked my husband if we should have sex every night. He got a sort of hunted, haunted look on his face.

John We're best friends. Although if he thinks this misogynistic article is good then I may have to re-evaluate that.

Every night?! Rofl!

What a load of old bollocks.

I loathe this stereotype of men being grunting, brain-dead cavemen who are satisfied with food, sleep and regular sex. Plus the inevitable concluding message that as a woman you should just lie back, even if you're tired ans aching, grit your teeth and let him "do it to you." (As if any decent man would have sex with a woman he could tell wasn't up for it.)
Anyone who's had sex they consented to but didn't really want will know what crap this advice is.

You think he wants a fuck buddy? Seems a funny way to go about it.

bedraggledmumoftwo I could be totally wrong. It's not really relevant to this thread anyway.

No it was just me being nosey , through I think this article is hardly likely to endear him to you and if you're right about his motives he sounds like he's being a bit of a dick setting up an excuse that his wife's neglecting his 'needs'.

Backinthering "hunted, haunted look" love it!

DH and I tried having sex every day for a month a couple of years ago (my idea, not his). It was interesting, there was definitely a virtuous circle effect, having sex more frequently, made both of us think about sex more and then want more. We became more touchy feely in general which was nice but it was tiring and we had to stop when I got a nasty UTI.

It was good to know we could still manage it at 45 but have enjoyed other occasions when we have prioritised our relationship over other demands on our time just as much if not more ( a fondly remembered break to Berlin for instance), although at least sex is free!

Op, I agree with you. Why the term sisterly should evoke so much disdain I have no idea.

It's just the same old nonsense isn't it? How to please your man but now with added "look how cool and sexy I am".

Menz. Is this a new word? What does it mean?

It's a shit article full of generalisations. It makes me mildly irritated, not sad.

I would be very freaked out, though, if a supposedly platonic male friend had sent it to me. It may not be the point of your thread, but it's weirdly inappropriate nonetheless & makes him sound like a fucking creep, as does the fact that he's told you he & his wife don't have much sex.

Fun? Hmph. Actually it's painful and uncomfortable, although a year of doctor and hospital visits have only left me with the conclusion of "well, it doesn't look bad enough to qualify for reconstruction."

So it's actually not fun, lying in the dark with tears in my eyes wishing I was anywhere else, doing anything else, looking forward to doing IT twice a week for the next 40 years or so of my life. Whippity do!

Why were you lost by the words menz and sisterly do you not know what they mean?
You can ask.
Or if it has 'lost' you then why post at all?