Are you a patient parent- AIBU to have wanted to been cross with ds tonight?

[dottytablecloth]

I do give myself a hard time and think that I'm not patient with ds, I very rarely let him see that I am cross and try the approach of bright, breezy and cheerful. Dh is vey calm and easy going and I often think that he is a more natural parent than I am.

Anyway, I have a 21 month old who is great 90% of the time! but when he decides to throw a wobbly it's absolute hell.

Dh works lots of nights so I'm alone with ds.

Ds is very fussy about food. He will eat lots one day and for the next day or so he will refuse everything except porridge, yoghurt, crackers. It drives me crazy and I have no way of knowing whether today will be a hungry day until he decides.

I'm not the best cook but like every mum I try to provide healthy meals as often as I can. This evening it was roast chicken, potatoes, gravy and butternut squash- he likes everything. However he just would not eat it- I don't get into a battle over it, just take him away from high chair and try to remain calm. This evening though not only did he not want to eat his own dinner, he didn't want me to eat mine, he screamed and threw himself on the floor. He got his dinner and threw it on this floor and then poured his water all over the floor- he definitely knows this is bold and not acceptable. Ds is a fairly recent walker and still likes me to walk around the house holding his hand. The only other things he's eaten today are porridge, pancake, yoghurt and one grape.

I can't explain but it makes me so very cross when I cook food that ds won't even try and he spoils dinner for everyone else but throwing a tantrum when we eat.

AIBU - I didn't give him anything else to eat after this incident, just sent him to bed after bottle.

I'm fairly exhausted at 36 weeks pregnant but why is this making me so cross. I really did feel like smacking him this eve, but didn't.

Would you say you were a calm and patient parent? How do you react when food gets thrown on the floor?

Title should read 'to have been cross' not wanted to

I wouldn't get stressed about the low food days - they have so many growth spurts that they are hungrier some days than others.

I make ds wait till I've finished too - I think that is not giving in whilst allowing him to eat the amount he needs but do let him have a piece of dry bread at bedtime if he is hungry.

Hugs and none alcohol wine after bedtime xxx

If ds is made to sit one second longer than he wants to he totally freaks out! Dh and I can't hear each other speaking or the TV etc. He cries and shrieks so much.

You have my sympathy OP, my DD is 15mo and will eat anything, but just not a lot of it. Sometimes I get so frustrated when I cook something nice and make an effort only for her to have 2 bites and decide she no longer wants it. But then when I come in the room with my dinner she cruises along going "mmmm" and wants to eat all my food!

Exactly! When I'm eating ds does the 'mmmmmm' thing too!

My DD is only 14 months, so I haven't encountered proper tantrums yet, but similar in terms of appetite. Some days she wants 3 meals plus fruit in between, other days she'll refuse to even eat a bite of her meals. Which, as you say, is particularly frustrating when it's a lovingly prepared from scratch meal.

I try not to get annoyed about it though- as long as she's healthy and growing, I only judge what I offer her, not what she eats. I count it as a good day if I've offered her three meals that contain a good healthy balance of food, no matter how much she's eaten. If I let myself get wound up by preparing food just to watch it be dropped piece by piece on to the floor, I think I would have given up by now.

There's a reason why it takes us 18 years to mature. Dont expect too much from a baby who is not even two.

At least you get to eat the delicious food you cooked

When DS and I have a fall out I do try and do something 'nice' to bond again quickly - just to make sure we do not keep battling. This is mainly for my sake! So if dibner time's trouble, we finish, put the TV on and have a cuddle, or if we fight near bed time we finish early and have a nice bath.

Oh goodness. Not at all. I had to put up with a meltdown this morning and sometimes you do have to get a bit cross to let them know what they are doing is wrong. Not letting you eat your dinner and pouring water on the floor is certainly a time when you have to be stern. You're also pregnant and tired and I do not believe that there is a parent in the world who hasn't occasionally lost their rag a little in situations like that. Please don't beat yourself up, this was entirely normal.

Incidentally, bold, hello fellow Irish person!

Well spotted aer! Bold is my most used word these days!

I agree with knackered - I am by nature not the most patient person. I have to make sure I don't get cross with my stubborn DS too quickly (he's nearly 4 and knows when he is bad - sometimes tests boundaries very obviously as children do).

If we argue - and he does argue - I make sure I don't lose my rag (deep breathing!) and then we have a cuddle and I tell him I love him very much.

I also make sure that boundaries are obvious and consistent and if necessary, retreat from the situation for a minute - just say, 'ok mummy doesn't want to argue so why don't you read a book and I'll get us a glass of water'. Instant diffuser, though it may be a while until you can use it!

Basically you're normal. As long as you and DS have lots of lovely moments and he sees you as a loving, kind, non-scary mummy, you're good. I hope that DS grows up knowing that I'm not a pushover and that bad behaviour means a telling off or time out, but that I always love him, more than anything, no matter what.

Am not sure it's worth getting upset with them over food at this stage. I think they're fairly self-regulating and sometimes just don't want to eat. DS barely eats anything some days, and loads on others.

Dotty isn't getting upset with him about food though is she? She says that normally she stays calm even when she feels cross and that she doesn't get into battles about it and she just takes him out of his high chair and stays calm.

But this one evening not only would he not eat, he wouldn't let Dotty eat and he was throwing water on the floor and having a big tantrum.

She's not battling about him with food, she's normally staying calm but on this one occasion didn't when she was very pregnant and very tired.

Dotty, you're doing a grand job.